This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Video Games You Would Choose In A One-On-One Duel Against An Advanced Alien Species For The Fate Of Mankind
I don’t have much time to play videogames anymore, which pains me greatly. They’ve gotten cooler as my adult responsibilities have increased, and that’s not fair. But I’ll have the last laugh. One day, I’ll be retired, Mrs. Drew will have grown to ignore me completely, and then I can play all the WiiStation I want. Fuck yeah, retirement!
Anyway, allow me to outline a scenario for you. Kang and Kodos, shown above, have decided to colonize Earth. But first, they want to test the human species. You know, to make sure they aren’t intelligent enough to resist intergalactic slavery. So they pick you (yes, you!) out of a crowd and challenge you to the videogame of your choice. If you defeat Kang, you will have proved yourself worthy of alliance, and not slavery. If you lose, we then we’re all fucked, thank you very much.
So you better choose a game you excel at, motherfucker.
The rules. Pick one game, then wait until 10 other have selected to choose another. You can pick any game, console or arcade. Different years of Madden and what not are acceptable. No cheat codes. This is a one-on-one battle, so if you choose a game that doesn’t feature one-on-one play, we’ll go by high score or who can advance to the highest level. Let us also assume that Kang and/or Kodos are well-versed in video games and have watched them being played from afar. Even with tentacles, they are still quite dexterous with a control pad.
My pick is EA Bill Walsh College Football ‘95.
I’ll skip the easy Tecmo Bowl pick and go for the one game that made it even easier to accumulate yards and points on 500 consecutive sweeps. I’ll be playing with Michigan and running triple option with Tyrone Wheatley. Sometimes I will go right. Sometimes I will go left. I tell you, Kodos won’t be able to keep up. One time, I scored 100 points in a half. And that makes me awesome!
Other KSK staff have jumped in and made their picks before you as well. Sorry, they got dibs.
Ape: Goldeneye
Maj: Virtua Tennis (Dreamcast or arcade). I could serve and volley that alien bastard to death with Philippoussis, outrun him with Johansson, or punish him with Yevgeny’s backhand.
Punter: I’m taking Contra for NES. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start.
Your turn. Remember: Our lives are in your hands, dude.
Tags: abortions for some miniature american flags for others, Big Daddy Drew, ksk commenter drafts
July 13th, 2007 at 9:52 am
mutant league hockey baby. sega genesis.
July 13th, 2007 at 9:54 am
Robotron 2084. I’ll take those invaders in their own milieu and roll that sumbitch. Mess with the Last Human Family at your own descretion.
July 13th, 2007 at 9:57 am
I’ll go with Ironman Ivan Stewart’s Super Off Road. Preferably the arcade version, with the four steering wheels that were too close to each other, so that you wouond up with three broken ribs from the kid who took it waaaay too seriously with the red truck.
July 13th, 2007 at 9:58 am
NHL 95 for sega genesis. the start of good hockey games
July 13th, 2007 at 9:59 am
Super Off Road is a GREAT pick.
July 13th, 2007 at 9:59 am
Intellivision Classic Baseball
(c. 1978)
Old school the way our forefathers would’ve wanted it. No fly balls. Runs after the third out still count. P & SS making 90% of the plays.
Note to Aliens – don’t embarrass yourself by showing up with the overlays.
You vill luze.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:00 am
timekillers, arcade style bitch.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:02 am
k-rock- NHL ‘96 was my backup. I fucking loved that year.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:02 am
Twisted Metal 2 on the PSOne. The fate of earth would be safe.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:05 am
John Elway Football for the NES. After I ran the Reverse play, with the one receiver that’s 140x as fast as everyone else on the field, they’d be floored and would immediately welcome their new human overlords.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Major League Baseball 1991 for the Game Gear.
With a lineup of Otis Nixon, Rickey Henderson, and other speedsters, and a little timing, you could trick the outfielders into making every single an inside-the-park home run.
Plus, NO WAY has Kodos played Game Gear before. He wasn’t cool like me in ‘91.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Knockout Kings 2002 - As long as I get to fight as Zab Judah.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:06 am
Mario Kart for N64… i can’t be touched in that shit
July 13th, 2007 at 10:06 am
Tempest
I know I am going REALLY old school here, but, there is NO WAY Kang can beat me at tempest with a tentacle.
Seriously guys… you have to give more thought to your picks.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:07 am
Okay, Now I’ll take Super tecmo bowl.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:07 am
Joe Montana’s Football 94 .. either be the lions and pound barry sanders or be the eagles and randall cunningham just happens to have ridiculous speed.. sneak left.. sneak right
July 13th, 2007 at 10:10 am
I would say Smash Brothers but then someone would say they’re better than me, and I’d have to kill their parents.
Ninja Gaiden 2, first one to finish the game wins. Not only would I finish in style by doing flips with my yellow ghost ninjas after I beat the final boss, I’d be dry-humping Irene before they made it through The Maze of Darkness. So long, Aliens.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:10 am
Unreal tournament 2003, PC. Ever seen a shock rifle take a head off from the other side of a map?
July 13th, 2007 at 10:11 am
I’m going with Madden 2005 and i’m gonna be the Vikings. I’ll run PA Streaks every fuckin time and toss the long ball to randy ratio. i’ll be as untouchable as elliot ness
July 13th, 2007 at 10:11 am
Im going to have to go New School and say Halo 2.
Best.Multiplayer.Ever.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:12 am
I select a computerized version of what earthlings refer to as table tennis, with our crude paddles replaced with electronic replicas
July 13th, 2007 at 10:12 am
Baseball Stars. Bow to the Ninja Blacksox!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:13 am
Galaga. Challenge me, and I will own you and the entire fucking galaxy in Galaga.
Seriously, just bring it, bitches.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:13 am
EA Sports Bulls vs. Lakers (early ’90’s).
Tom Chambers double-pump dunk from the three-point line.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:14 am
Super Mario 3.
Not because I’m exceptionally good at it… but because the end of the world would come with me finally living out my “the Wizard” fantasy.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:14 am
@perm4. Vick wants some. Galaga, I heard, is his bitch.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:15 am
Time to take Mario Golf for N64. Golden Mario can drive the ball like a motherfucker.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:15 am
Super Quarterback Club ‘96 for SNES
Steve Young to Jerry Rice over-and-over-and-over-and-over again.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Next pick…
PC version of Ghost Recon (original).
No way any alien can match my skills with a fire team plus one sniper.
Moreover, I still retain the advantage over tentacles by virtue of the mouse interface.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:16 am
ouch. i lost joe montana football and knockout kings (w/ zab!)
I’ll take Fight Night Round 3 (with Chico).
July 13th, 2007 at 10:17 am
NFL Blitz any year
July 13th, 2007 at 10:17 am
Tom Chambers double-pump dunk from the three-point line.
Nothing could send my brother into a rage quite like that move.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:18 am
I gotta go with the origianl Bill Walsh College Football for the sega Genesis.
Auburn ‘83.
Bo Jackson was unstoppable. I would a loss back to the 1 yardline everytime I had the ball just to see how many 99 yard ruches I could get in 1 game.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:18 am
NBA Jam on Super nintendo… The Soncis combo of Shawn Kemp/Detlef Schrempf was unreal… Could easily average a quadruple double with kemp… 76 ppg 16 rpg 10 apg and 13 childrenfatheredpg
July 13th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Super Baseball Simulator 2.000. Boyd has a 1.000 batting average because he always gets a base with a bunt, and Clif is easily the best hitter in the game.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:18 am
World Cup Soccer for original Nintendo. The Argintine Unstoppable Bicycle Kick would save humanity for certain
July 13th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Mortal Kombat 2 for Sega.
The SNES had better sound and graphics but, where’s the blood?
July 13th, 2007 at 10:19 am
Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge.
Now with scoring pencil!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Double Dribble!
done.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:22 am
World Class Track Meet for NES. Their slimy tentacles would be no match for me on the Power Pad.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:22 am
I’d pick GT4, because I’m miserable at anything else.
But they don’t appear to have thumbs, so I could probably even beat them in Madden.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:22 am
I’ll take Excitebike.
oh, and great pick fallex…
Baseball Stars=Classic.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:22 am
silent scope 2 versus mode, yes, i am an arcade hound.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Now I’ll take Super Mario World for N64, my favorite video game ever.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:23 am
All those tentacles give our alien overlords a major advantage with any multi-button controller, but I’m thinking a simple dial would be their downfall.
Night Driver for the original Atari. Now get the fuck off my planet.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:23 am
damn fallex, you go and pick another classic before I can congratulate you on your first one…
July 13th, 2007 at 10:23 am
I’ll take PGA ‘93 for the Sega Genesis, just as long as I am allowed to save my game after each shot and re-start whenever I don’t make eagle.
-24, Kang. Suck it.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Legend of Zelda.
Not 2-player? The aliens will have to fucking wait.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Excite Bike - Nes
Double trouble if I get to build my own track.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Mike Tyson’s Punch Out
July 13th, 2007 at 10:25 am
NBA Jam for Nintendo. Golden State Warriors Chris Mullin and Tim Hardaway could save not just the world, but the entire universe.
BOOM SHAK-ALAKA!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Java Turbo TextTwist. During one slow period at work, I played it eight hours a day. For two months. I’m like John Nash in “a Beautiful Mind” when it comes to rearranging six-letter words.
I’mma Scrabble some alien ass.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Mario Tennis…
Yoshi lefthanded with a star…Untouchable
July 13th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Arch Rivals- shoot, pass, punch
gotta play the dude with the green mohawk
July 13th, 2007 at 10:27 am
With the fate of humanity on the line, I am going to have to go with “The Lurking Horror” by Infocom.
It was one of those “interactive fiction” games. Since I know all the games secrets, I would be finished before Kang was even figuring out that he needed to get the parka to go outside.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:28 am
arch rivals, the only basketball game i have ever excelled at
July 13th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Damn you Butler -
Well then I shall take Duck Hunt - SNES.
If some how I end up losing I will use the gun to bash the aliens skull in.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:29 am
Cheif…already been said and Kemp/Schrempf would own mullin/hardaway… But timmy would congratulate kemp on his heteroness
July 13th, 2007 at 10:29 am
My Hero for the Sega Master System. All hail the Sega Card!!!!!!!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:29 am
Gradius
Hardest game there was.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:30 am
@ Chris
Duck Hunt was on NES.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:30 am
@shan- because it is the closest to reality
July 13th, 2007 at 10:30 am
ninja gaiden black for xbox… i played that essentially nonstop one year in college
July 13th, 2007 at 10:30 am
Goldeneye for crying out loud…
July 13th, 2007 at 10:31 am
“Drug War” for my TI-83 graphing calculator.
I failed calculus, so that someday I might save the world.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:31 am
Street Fighter II. Spacemen cant stop the E. Honda karate chop
July 13th, 2007 at 10:31 am
Metroid.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Read for comprehension, David.
I’ll take Streets of Rage II for Sega Genesis.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:32 am
@ David
Read the instructions. Goldeneye is gone. Ape took it.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Ape already took Goldeneye.
Choose again.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:33 am
BTW: That’s not my pick. My pick would be Earl Weaver baseball b/c nobody ever played it. Goldeneye is just also the shit, and I always want to steer conversations towards proximity mines.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:33 am
@hats
Phenomenal pick…I can’t tell you how to find the hypotenuse of an isoceles triangle but god dammit do i know where to find the cheapest ludes
July 13th, 2007 at 10:34 am
GTA- San Andreas
July 13th, 2007 at 10:34 am
The phrase “old school” needs to be used sparingly, people. Halo 2? Anything that’s a second version doesn’t qualify as old school.Everything’s relative…kudos to Tempest, though.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:34 am
I’m going to keep it simple… Ms. Pacman, arcade version.
By the way, it is my dream to have the arcade version of the original NBA Jam in my home someday.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Resident Evil.
I want to see if the aliens hide behind the couch and cry when the rabid terrifying zombie dogs jump out of the window and damage their calm.
@Hats: No “Penguins” for the TI-83? Or “Nibbles”?
July 13th, 2007 at 10:35 am
My favorite TI 83 game was Diamonds-this sweet ass puzzle game thats a mix between Tetris and Breakout. But thats not my pick. Just sayin.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:36 am
@hats - Don’t do it son. How’s that game going to improve your putting?
NES Ice Hockey - 3 skinny dudes & 2 fat dudes on the ice.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:37 am
NBA Live 2004
July 13th, 2007 at 10:37 am
@ Jawpri
You might want to read that again, cuz I said New School, when referring to Halo 2.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Resident Evil 2
because someone else took RE! before I could.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:38 am
I was going to take Mortal Kombat but I leave my desk and come back and that’s taken. So I’ll take Shinobi for Sega.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:38 am
@butler
Thanks. The sad thing is, I still play those games, so Kang wouldn’t stand a chance. Me thumz no do well with 3+ button controllur.
So then. NES Ice Hockey. (w/national teams). Give me all fat guys.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:39 am
Diddy Kong Racing, bitch. Nobody controls a monkey on a boat like I do.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:39 am
Any of the old N64 WCW/nWo wrestling games with the simple A + B + U combinations. I might actually be the ebst in the world at those games.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:39 am
Pick #4 Chex Bubble Hockey…
USA vs. USSR…
These colors don’t run
July 13th, 2007 at 10:39 am
Tempest is gone? Fucknuts.
I’ll go with the arcade version of Centipede then. Sooner or later, Kang would pinch a tentacle on the track ball.
And then it’s time to kick some back!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:39 am
T-MEK!
Playing T-Mek was like taking amphetamines. Adrenaline rush! advantage: humanity
July 13th, 2007 at 10:40 am
Hats for Bats with the best sleeper pick of the draft!
Drug/Dope Wars was the balls.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:40 am
Double Dragon - arcade style. That game requires a certain stamina for gayness that no unearthly being could possibly withstand. plus i rule at it for no good reason.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Golden Tee
July 13th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Has everyone heard my story about that one time I beat X-Men vs. Street Fighter at the arcade, on the difficult level, with 1 token, and my ultra-nerd gamer friend got annoyed and jumped in on the 2P to be a dick and I defeated him too, and it was the single greatest achievement of my life?
Well now you have.
I’m teaming up Ken & Ryu and saving the planet, bitches.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:41 am
BDD - “Nobody controls a monkey on a boat like I do.”
What about a man in a canoe? I’ll take Ken Griffey Jr.’s Slugfest for N64.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Super Wrestlemania!
Nobody, human or alien, can stop the powers of Papa Shango!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Resident Evil 4- Its definitely the best out of all the REs.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Frogger
July 13th, 2007 at 10:42 am
…and becky’s a nerd
July 13th, 2007 at 10:43 am
@unsilent majority:
I win for sleeper pick.
I lose because I’m bored at work, and I think my TI-83 is 700 miles away in a box at my parents’ house.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:43 am
Altered Beast for Sega Genesis.
http://www.shopping.com/xPO-Altered-Beast
July 13th, 2007 at 10:44 am
@chief- DoubleDragon! the double button behind the back elbow was unstoppable
how do the fingers remember these useless movements after so many years?
July 13th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Sega Master System Pro Wrestling.
LARIAT!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:44 am
For pick #3, I’m going with Crash Bandicoot Team Racing for the Playstation. All you Mario Kart people just don’t KNOW.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:44 am
UM-
what, you think I hang around here because I’m cool?
July 13th, 2007 at 10:44 am
F-Zero,the original Super Nintendo version. Man I am cleaning up today, thank god they are discussing school issues in morning meeting today (No kids = I could give a shit less)
1. Knockout Kings (W/Zab)
2. NFL Blitz
3. NBA Live 2004
4. F-Zero (SNES Original)
July 13th, 2007 at 10:46 am
@Jackin4beats: Damn you I figured that would be lurking a few rounds away. Good pick.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:46 am
SimCity
Because aliens only know how to decimate our cities, not build them with good schools, lots of jobs, low crime, smart growth and about 16 stadia.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:46 am
I’m going with Asteroids.
My dad’s got ‘em so bad, he can’t even sit on the toilet some days.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Battle Zone - This game was not only cool, but, the two handle interface (with the buttons on the handles) gives me an additional advantage.
Moreover, Kang would probably underestimate the difficulty of the game because of the “primitive” graphics.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:47 am
NES Jeopardy!. They may know all the answers, but can they spell them in time?
July 13th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz, Frisbee Golf mini game, for the wii. There is no way you can hold a “wiimote” with a damned tenticle.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Bart vs. the Space Mutants (NES) That game was hard as hell, but we might as well make the battle authentic.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Metal Gear Solid for Playstation 1. This game was way ahead of its time.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:49 am
@fallex
damn you i was just going for that
I’ll settle for NES Family Feud… If only Richard Karn or Louie Anderson were the virtual hosts
July 13th, 2007 at 10:49 am
NCAA football, 2001. They can take any team they would like…..
July 13th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Pro Wrestling on the original 8-bit Nintendo.
I made the Great Puma my bitch every time. I am a God at that game.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:50 am
hats for bats- just go here
http://www.google.com/search?q=dope+wars+download&hl=en&sa=X&revid=971637165&rtp=r&cd=1&oi=revisions_inline&ct=broad-revision&altrev=dope+wars
July 13th, 2007 at 10:50 am
Smash TV!
‘I’d by that for a dollar!”
July 13th, 2007 at 10:50 am
Does spelling upside-down words with numbers on a calculator count as a game? 1134. 58008.
4th-grade toilet humor > aliens.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:50 am
@ john john, well you’re gonna love this one.
Space Harrier for Sega. No one in the universe can take me in this game.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:50 am
Baseball Simulator 1.000 for regular NES.
I’ve never been much of a gamer (never owned a console since the NES) but boy was I something special in this game. Played straight up, without any of that ultra shit, without souped up teams edited from ultra league, in the dome (the only one with a real sized outfield, even though in this case Space would be appropriate). My pitching and defense is superb. I’d shut out the aliens and I’d be even more of a hero than I already am. I’d imagine that I could dig this game out right now and be unstoppable in about an hour of practice.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:50 am
Dance Dance Revolution - I would find some Asian kid to take my place though.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball on SNES, rollin’ with the Braves.
The pitching staff is unparalleled and the line up’s a stone killer.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:51 am
It’s sort of obvious.
The Last Starfighter.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Zelda: Ocarina Of Time.
And I’m spent.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:51 am
@UM
Don’t take this the wrong way, but… when this is all over, I think we should get an apartment together.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Team fortress for PC…..fuck with me, i swear.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:51 am
I’m not picking it, but I am surprised that no one has any confidence in their Guitar Hero skillz.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Oregon Trail
July 13th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Crash N’ The Boys: Street Challenge (NES)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crash_‘n_the_Boys:_Street_Challenge
July 13th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Mighty Bomb Jack.
Fuckin’ A.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:53 am
“God of War”
Let Kratos inflict a little wrath of the Gods on their asses.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:53 am
I just wrote an entire passage on the Last Starfighter. And otto man takes it. eff me. right in the a.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:53 am
For the irony value I take Destroy All Humans. The look on Kang/Kodos face will be priceless as i beat them at their own game…
July 13th, 2007 at 10:53 am
Top Gun - NES
The aliens may complete the mission but they will crash and burn on the landing.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:53 am
Where are the real fighting games?
TEKKEN 2
Kang’s getting his ass kicked tonight
July 13th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Last Pick…
Tetris
I played this game infallably, in all states of mind, for years. No way, no how anyone can take me. Still today, years after the fact.. I still can hear that music echoing in the recesses of my mind.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Great pick, Maj. You get dyssentery, AND the world ends.
On that note, I’ll pick Number Munchers… and this game will last forever.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:54 am
I think I could use Tetris’s high score missiles to prevent their landing in the first place.
Plus, I’ve had the B-type music in my head all morning. I don’t know why.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Damn, John. Beat me by *this* much. Well done, sir.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Arkanoid, bitches
July 13th, 2007 at 10:55 am
MVP Baseball 2005 will be my pick. No one can fuck with Yankee Randy Johnson throwing 99 mph, despite the fact that he actually threw 89 when the game came out.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Unsilent-excellent strategy with the oregon trail. the only way you would lose is if the aliens were a class of 5th grade boys.
Has no one taken Donkey Kong Jr? If not, I got it.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:56 am
@ BDD
That was on my list but I figured I could steal it down the line because there are like 30+ Zelda games. That one is definitely the best.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:56 am
SNOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:56 am
damn. I can’t believe God of War fell this far and I missed it.
I’ll take Syphon Filter for Playstation.
I’ll taser fuckers until they light up like a roman candle.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:56 am
@UM
PHENOMENAL PICK i was just talking about this yesterday… I’ll ford the river all fucking day… Timmy got dyptheria again…god damnit
July 13th, 2007 at 10:57 am
I’ll take Global Thermonuclear War vs. the WOPR computer.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:57 am
Erotic Photo Hunt.
Four beers down, a cloud of cigarette smoke in the air, and I can pick out the difference in two boobs from across a crowded bar.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:58 am
More ass kicking coming Kang’s way
Soul Calibur II for PS or Xbox.
I am invincible!!!!!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Wolfenstein 3D. Once you defeat robo-hitler, no alien can stop you.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Super Dodge Ball for NES
July 13th, 2007 at 10:58 am
@Grimey
Your NNBA JAM Arcade verison dream can be fulfilled for $50. Check out eBay:
http://cgi.ebay.com/NBA-JAM-UPRIGHT-ARCADE-GAME-2-PLAYER-USED_W0QQitemZ180138470754QQihZ008QQcategoryZ13716QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
July 13th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Ill take Gears of War. Just because its the only game Ive been playing for the past six months and Ill chainsaw the shit out of an alien/locust.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:00 am
@ hats for bats
Phenomenal. The only electric bar table game I play. Except the erotic version is hard to find, sometimes.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:00 am
Hats for Bats has been flawless. I nominate him to be our Secretary of Partying Down and Video Game Defensery.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:00 am
@shoopmonster
Super Dodgeball, fucking awesome pick. USA! USA!
But for my second pick, I’ma take Hoops on NES. I got Mr. Doc, yo.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:00 am
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume no one has picked Wrecking Crew for the NES. THERE ARE ALIENS IN IT.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:00 am
@Grimey:
I’m not taking takes Guitar Hero because those multi-tentacled monsters would totally own me on “Bark at the Moon” on a plastic, 5-button guitar.
I might have a chance at “I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll,” but who wants the fate of the world determined by a climactic showdown with a Joan Jett soundtrack? Lame.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:00 am
Pit fighter for sega genesis. you think aliens know how it feels to be slammed through a car window? they’re about to….
July 13th, 2007 at 11:00 am
Airwolf for NES. If Kang and Konos can even figure it out, the deserve to rule.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:01 am
@ Hats
Best draft i’ve seen in a while… congrats
July 13th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Out Run.
Great arcade game with a cool steering wheel, and get to drive a Ferrari with blond hair of female passenger blowing in breeze as I speed past everyone.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:02 am
@otto man
Can I quote you on my resume?
July 13th, 2007 at 11:03 am
@honeynut… No, I need the four-player version. It’s a social thing.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:03 am
@otto man Can I quote you on my resume?
Feel free. But use my professional name — Gene Shalit.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:04 am
@hats…
Wiki “Korobeiniki” and scroll down to the MIDI sample.
aaaaaaaaaaaaand your day is ruined.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Escape from Grandma’s House
July 13th, 2007 at 11:05 am
I’m torn between Burger Time and Paperboy.
Which one do you think would make them die of boredom first?
July 13th, 2007 at 11:05 am
tony hawk pro skater 3…give me bobby burnquist and its over
July 13th, 2007 at 11:05 am
When was the last time some of you played a video game?
July 13th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Escape from Grandma’s House
You have reached the level of “Ungrateful Grandchild.”
That settles it. I’ll take the “My Dinner with Andre” arcade game.
“Tell me more!”
July 13th, 2007 at 11:06 am
@John S:
Amazing. I have to figure out if I can play this over the office intercom.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:07 am
@Jackin: You are KILLING ME!! I have an idea and as soon as I get back to my desk you picked it for the third straight time.
Clayfighter is my pick because Soul Calibur II is off the board
July 13th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Skate or Die for the NES. I own the Pool Joust.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Maniac Mansion (NES)
July 13th, 2007 at 11:08 am
Bionic Commando. Rest easy mankind that I, along with Super Joe, will not fail.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:08 am
@mcsheisty:
I can’t remember the last time I’ve been good at a video game.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:08 am
@hats
If you could, it would be kind of like Andy Dufrense in Shawshank.
“It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free. “
July 13th, 2007 at 11:09 am
I am not picking anymore, but… I would be remiss if the draft wnet by without “Joust” getting picked.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:09 am
I’m torn between Burger Time and Paperboy.
Which one do you think would make them die of boredom first?
Nice, Otto. There really needs to be a game called Accountant vs. Actuary for grown-up fans of those games.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:10 am
One on One: Dr. J vs. Larry Bird on the 7800.
I WILL dunk, I WILL shatter the backboard, the mustachioed janitor WILL sweep that shit up.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:10 am
@Peter McSheisty
touché.
I’ll go back to pretending to work now.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Red Steel, by the time they figured out the controls I would already be declared victor of the universe.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:11 am
@Peter Mcshiesty: I play Video games alot (Because I finagled a way to get paid for it) but The last time I was dominant in them that wasn’t picked is a different story. I am trying to adhere to the whole no different versions of the same game rule.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:12 am
Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge - I think there are only a few people who will get this.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:12 am
@john s.
I hope they have a good arcade in Zihuatanejo.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:12 am
shan and i played the same games, so I’ll just let him take my picks from now on.
question: in Pit-Fighter, after giving Southside Jim or Chris Berman’s date a knob-job/piledriver, what does Buzz say? I think it’s either “the Fist!” or “Suck This!”
July 13th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Cyberball 2084. You cannot stop the reign of the Titanium Powerback.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Chris, I can’t believe you took Top Gun off the board. Well done. I love refueling in that game. It’s like fucking for 10 year olds.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Rainbow Six 3: Ravenshield
July 13th, 2007 at 11:13 am
California Games
July 13th, 2007 at 11:13 am
@chris:
Actually, it went a while ago.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Wrestlemania 2000 on N64. In all seriousness, Benoit had 3 finishing moves that were incredible in that game. I wish to not make a Benoit joke and pretend that the game isn’t tarnished.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:13 am
@hats
I will be there, and I will keep the chess board ready
July 13th, 2007 at 11:14 am
my bad johnny, i gave up searching for my picks long ago…
July 13th, 2007 at 11:14 am
@ John John
Understandable.I guess I just play a shit load of video games. Thats what happens when you live with the same women for five years. Yay for me, no social life.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:15 am
Doom II.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:16 am
NES Track & Field. I will use the NES Max (w/turbo A&B buttons) and be unstoppable.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:16 am
Its like fucking for ten year olds
Poor choice of phrasing?? Because ten year olds fucking is just wrong.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Hats - I am humbled to be in your presence.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:18 am
This is a good time to just put out a Nerd Alert, for anyone unaware of them already:
Go onto iTunes.
Preview The Advantage, album “Elf Titled”.
You will NOT regret it.
The topicality of this comment will become clear quickly.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:19 am
@mcsheisty
I gave Gran Turismo 4 100%
other than that, I’d guess 1996
and on that note, I’ll make my last pick:
Speedball 2: Brutal Deluxe
rollin’ right through your ass!
July 13th, 2007 at 11:19 am
peter, if you have played Top Gun, you know that you have to maneuver a refueling thingy into a hole.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:19 am
NES Track & Field.
Brilliant. I think I still have scars from pounding the buttons, trying to get the long jump right.
I’ll have to go with Karate Champ. “FULL POINT!”
July 13th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Double Dribble on NES - Kang would never get past half court before I stole the ball, passed out to three-point range, jumped my guy out-of-bounds in mid-air, then swppoed back for a ::kaboom!:: 3-pointer. Next in-bound - do it again.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Oh, I remember Top Gun. I remember being like, six, and I dont think I ever successfully landed the plane. So that means I never made it past the first 6 minutes. Ah, memories.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Rampage - Commodore 64
CITY HOWLING MAD, SAUSAGE SCAM EXPOSED
July 13th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Preview The Advantage, album “Elf Titled”.
Very nice. But the first person to follow that up with a link to some high school kids playing the Super Mario Bros. theme gets a shot to the nuts.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:22 am
@ John
Double Dribble is gone.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:22 am
@John. Sorry, Rubble Ribble is OTB.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Jordan vs. Bird (dunk contest level) for the Nintendo. It’s literally impossible to make a dunk if you don’t know what you’re doing.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:23 am
FIFA ‘99
i win
July 13th, 2007 at 11:24 am
otto, the NES Advantage with the turbo buttons was a big help in Track and Field. If I didn’t have it then, I’d have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome now.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:24 am
@Hats:
Thank you for bringing up The Advantage. Now, I shall listen to the theme to the moon level in “Ducktales.”
I’m taking Ducktales! I want to bounce on aliens’ heads with my pogo-stick cane!
July 13th, 2007 at 11:24 am
I have a feeling that this morning’s draft is a precursor to me waking up on the floor tomorrow morning, surrounded by empty bags of Cheetos and beer bottles, Wii Remote still strapped to my wrist.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:27 am
EA Sports NHL ‘98. Pick your any team. Red Wings, East or West All Stars, even The World Team. I kill destroy that alien mofo. First game where the left/right juke, shelf shot needed to be mastered.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:27 am
UM - great pick with California Games. Aliens would not have a clue what to do with the hacky sack.
I don’t give a shit if I have no real-world experience with flying spacecraft, I’d kick their asses on Descent with a joystick that has a broken y axis.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Marvel V. Capcom
1. Knockout Kings (Super Judah)
2. NFL Blitz
3. NBA Live
4. F-Zero (Original SNES)
5. Clayfighter
6. Marvel V. Capcom (HA, where were you on that one Jackin?)
On a related note, but also kinda a thread jack, last night we had a discussion between me and my roomates about why there are no Softball sports games. Females are becoming an increasingly significant demographic in Video Gaming why not make a sports game for them? You could do college softball the same way one does college football or basketball. Yes I realized I will be ridiculed for this, but I am bored and wanted to get the idea out.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:30 am
jdub, NHL ‘93 was the first year with that move. I used to make my brother cry beating him mercilessly at that game.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Bigfoot (NES) Paraphrasing what someone said before ,If they can master the mud pit or hill climb level, they deserve to rule the world.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:31 am
I cant believe this is still on the board
Super Mario World-SNES
The best Mario game of all time, followed closely by the 64 version.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:31 am
@shan- i was about to pick pit-fighter at the same time as you, too. scary
I’ll trade you arch rivals for pit fighter straight up.
I still recall the look on that punk-ass Tyrone’s face when my boy with the green flat-top cracks him in the grill, steals his cookies, and one-step foul-line tomahawk jams to bust the backboard. I’d drop 112 points on that joker today!
But nothing beats crackin’ a stick upside Mad Miles’ head and throwin’ him into the crowd to get stabbed by that dude The Edge from U2.
Man, we used to get drunk, smoke, talk shit, and play Pit-Fighter all night.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:32 am
@ grimey
My brother-in-law has a 4 player NBA JAMS TE machine. Every month he hosts a tournament for his friends, they’ve got a trophy and everything.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Bushido Blade II
One Strike. They fall. Every. Time.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Johnny Cockring = 40 years old
July 13th, 2007 at 11:35 am
I didn’t see it picked, murder me if I’m wrong.
Bubble Bobble
July 13th, 2007 at 11:35 am
Awful Chief, I played Track and Field in the arcade.
No turbo, and a set up that basically encouraged you to pound your fist repeatedly on the button. Frankly, I’m surprised my pinkies still work.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:37 am
Johnny, all joking aside, how old are you? Because that game came out in ‘90 and you were drinking and smoking all night long?
July 13th, 2007 at 11:37 am
Super Mario Kart, Super NES
Can’t be touched on Ghost Valley II or Rainbow Road.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:37 am
snake for nokia phones… this got me through many a class in college
July 13th, 2007 at 11:38 am
King’s Quest II
I’ll be helping myself to entire Sierra catalog now.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Has anyone picked Zero Wing?
All your base are belong to us, Kodos!
July 13th, 2007 at 11:39 am
Damn, I was holding back on King’s Quest IV.
The aliens may be powerful, but I bet I can spell “Rumpelstiltskin” quicker than they can.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:39 am
Since Drew took my Zelda game, Im going to go with Majora’s Mask. And Im done.
Halo 2
Mortal Kombat 2 (Sega)
Mike Tyson’s Punch Out
GTA-San Andreas
Resident Evil 4
Metal Gear Solid (PS1)
Gears of War
Super Mario World (SNES)
Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
Any gamer (read:nerd) would tell you this is the best fucking list of all time.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Apropos of fighting aliens, I’ll be taking Duke Nukem 3D. “Your face, your ass, what’s the difference?”
July 13th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Awful Chief: Touche, let me clarify…I found ‘98 to be the first year where it actually took some skill to master it instead of just flicking the control pad back and forth because EA made the goalies so damn good. Marty Brodeur…The Dominator…you better master that shit.
Ultimate Mortal Kombat on SNES…I was such a dork I mastered all the “Brutalities”…
July 13th, 2007 at 11:43 am
This was the best day ever to have all my bosses on vacation.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:44 am
Wheel of Fortune, NES…My first beat-off was to the video game version of Vanna White. It was a good day….
July 13th, 2007 at 11:45 am
Super Playaction Football for the SNES. It was diagonal!
Power sweep to Roger Craig. Those were the days.