The KSK Guide To Naming Your Fantasy Team
I suck at naming fantasy teams. Every year I come up with a fantasy team name (last year’s were Babette’s Meast and Hot Carl Lee), and every year I discover myriad other team names that put mine to shame. This is disappointing, as 50% of the joy I derive from fantasy football comes from naming and drafting my team. Everything after that is almost a letdown. There are 10 to 12 teams in every league (or, if you happen to be Punter and lack the ability to count, 14). Chances are, my team isn’t going to be the one that wins. And, if I do happen to win, then I’m just another asshole who brags about winning his fantasy league. I fucking hate those people, and so do you. It’s all sort of downhill from the initial thrill of starting out the year. You Arizona Cardinal fans can surely sympathize.
Well, this year, the pressure was even higher to come up with an acceptable team name, because the good folks over at Yahoo! Sports have invited us to join their Blogger All-Star (oxymoron alert) League, which they’ll be covering from week to week. It features us, Will Leitch, MJD, and other assorted chronic masturbators. As such, we could not select team names that were dirty (Boner In Your Butt, anyone?), homophobic (Chris Simms Is A Fag!), or ethnically displeasing (South Carolina Cracka Ass Crackas). This, as you might guess, created an almost impossible challenge for myself and my KSK colleagues. It meant we had to come up with names that were actually clever. Not our strongest suit. In fact, it’s not even a suit we have in our wardrobe.
There are no real rules to coming up with a fantasy team name. They tend to fall into categories: Dirty, Film/TV/Music/Internet references, News references, Puns, and Potpourri. Names can overlap categories, of course. But, for this exercise, let’s tackle these one by one. It’s a fantasy name brainstorming session! Actually, since we’re dealing with my brain, it’s more of a brainfogging session. I’ll be assisted by some KSK friends, including flubby, who excels at this practice (his NCAA pool name this year? Octopussybasket.).
Dirty Names
Unusable for our Yahoo! League, but usable for the KSK keeper league. Dirty names never get old, because they are dirty. Sure, Space Dockers is not the most original team name. But hey, it’s space docking. It’s funny, because it’s horrible. Here were a few during my initial brainstorm session:
-Laser Rocket Cocks
-Fuck You Brandon Jacobs
-Penis Toaster
-TO Loves The Cock
-Cock Salad
-Ass Sashimi
-Angry Butt Pirates
-Strawberry Shortcakes
-Dildo Dishwasher
-Beaver von Bismarcks
-Carolina ‘Gina
None of these are good. In fact, they’re all horrible. I don’t know how you make a cock salad, and I don’t want to find out. I assume ranch dressing is used for symbolic purposes. Laser Rocket Cocks is almost acceptable, because it works in a football reference. But, overall, these are God awful.
Film/TV/Music/Internet References
Fact: Over 70 million fantasy teams last year were named Whale’s Vaginas. The problem with making references now is that everything has officially been referenced. Think that Krull reference was a great pull? Wrong. Lots of other people also grew up in the 80’s, too. Jagoff. Frankly, I blame “Family Guy” and “I Love The 80’s” for beating every possible reference available into the ground. Even Internet references like “Carl Mondays” and what not can get tired within 24 hours (especially in our hands!).
Still, that won’t stop millions from naming their team “Sexy Time Explosions” this coming year. And you know what? It’s still pretty fucking funny. Here were some from my discard pile:
-A Planet Full Of Unicorns
-Mischievous Badgers
-Sandy Sullivan’s Gaping Snatch
-GoLords
-Destiny’s Frankensteins
-Man Vs. Zakk Wylde
-Koolaid Maroneys
-Big Black Cocks With Pearly White Cum (this may also fit in the Dirty category)
-Pumps And A Bump
-Mary Worth’s Suicide Watch
-Spidermanbearpigs
-The Ambiguously Gay Uffords
As you can see, it’s hard not to spruce up some of these references with salty language. Additions like “gaping snatch” are always an improvement. And look, a Hammer reference! But not a reference to when Hammer was popular, but to his ill-fated gangsta makeover! It’s doubly ironic! Koolaid Maroneys makes me happy, and any chance to make fun of Ufford is always time well spent. Otherwise, some of these names are about as funny as a new Deadspin commenter.
News References
Current events in sports or other news are always a good foundation for naming teams. Especially if it refers to an athlete or coach who is in trouble. It’s an enjoyable way of laughing at another person’s personal anguish. Why, I just spent an hour today trying to think of every possible name involving the word Ookie. And any reference to a coked-out Lindsay Lohan is guaranteed to remain current. The problem, of course, is that most news references can grow old before the end of the year. Don’t believe me?
-Smoot’s Fingercuffs
-Scooter Labia
-Britney’s Flobee
-Mitt’s Massholes
-Joslyn Morse’s Manpussy
-Virginia Gameness
-Ookie Monsters
-The Killing Of A Chinese Ookie
-Ookie Blaylocks
-Fortune Ookies
-Ookie Cutters
-Ookie Monsters
-Ookie Wilsons
Fred Smoot and Scooter Libby jokes. Man, do those topics have legs! Especially in a keeper league! I liked “The Killing Of A Chinese Ookie”, but Yahoo! wouldn’t allow names longer than 20 characters. Buttfuckers. I use the word “Manpussy” any chance I get, but that was out. As you can see, I went a bit overboard on the Ookie references, which brings us to…
Puns
Fantasy team names bring out the aspiring New York Post headline writer in all of us (my personal favorite Post headline, regarding a scam at Ground Zero: “Ash-Holes”). Puns are considered hacky, lame, and the refuge of a shitty writer. Which is why I thought of hundreds of them. I’ll only list a couple here to spare you the pain.
-Otis Spunksmeyer
-Goodell Ship Lollipop
-Schorno for Pyros
-The Cunt of Monte Cristo
-Tits Ahoy
I write ad headlines for a living. If it weren’t for puns, 99% of all advertising would cease to exist. As would shitty, horrible team names like these.
Potpourri
Freed from confining genre names, random names allow you to come up with shitty names or in-jokes that have nothing to do with much of anything. GO WILD!!!!
-Body by Mangini
-Bong Hits For Satan
-The Winking Nipples
-Maraschino Jeff Garcias
-Dan Shanoff’s Shaved Back
Body By Mangini was a personal favorite of mine, since it made fun of Eric Mangini (he has tits!) and myself (I do too!) simultaneously. Pot jokes always get a good reception. People love substance abuse. I have no evidence that Shanoff shaves his back. That was all through the power of my imagination.
As I said, many of these categories overlap, which is how I came up with my final team names.
KSK League: Brian’s Dong
Yahoo! League: BradyQuinn Handparty
Brian’s Dong is a combo of Dirty Name, Movie Reference, and Lame Pun. But I liked the fact that it represented the gay porn name for some old football weepie I never watched. Starring Gay Sayers!
Yahoo! has accepted the latter name for now. No one can resist a tribute to this photo:
And the Borat reference, while tired, was fitting. EXTREMELY fitting. So it had that going for it, which was nice.
But names are in the eye of the beholder. You may like the name Brian’s Dong. You may prefer Pan Down For Reggie Bush. Regardless, the important thing is that YOU like the name you picked for your team. After all, you’re the only asshole on Earth who cares about it. Until Week 10, when Larry Johnson tears his patellar tendon.
So happy naming to you, fair fantasy players. I hope you come up with something better than the shit I came up with. I’m quite certain you will. Your names welcome in the comments.
And if you’d like to know the names of the teams in the KSK Keeper League, here they are:
-Brian’s Dong
-My Hot Babysitter Raped Me
-Mattoon Green Wave (Hey Leitch, try something new for once)
-No Poon For Plaxico Tax
-We Are The Diamonds, We Come From Glasgow
-Cum Dumpsters
-Birmingham Church Fire (from UM, an inspried choice)
-Canada Roughriders
-Al Harris’ Fruit Bowl
-Gaza Striptease
-Gabelicious
-Misconstrudas
-Mr. Irrelevant (Way to make an effort, Mottram)
-Cleverly Named Team (from DJ Gallo. There’s a reason he gets paid to make jokes and I do not.)
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, fantasy football, Ottawa Rumph Riders might be okay
July 25th, 2007 at 7:13 am
is UM the birmingham church fire? my two teams are “apes at a rave” and “lisa ‘dead-bitch’ lopez” (that one never gets old)
July 25th, 2007 at 7:57 am
Purina Vicky Chow. Contains enough pot to mellow out even the toughest dogs.
(Yes I’m still angry, and I don’t even own any dogs).
July 25th, 2007 at 8:03 am
…And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Meast Juice
July 25th, 2007 at 8:13 am
Baseball – Stupid Angelos (obviously)
Football – I’m thinking “Bear Gylllis Sleeps in Hotels”
July 25th, 2007 at 8:19 am
All my fantasy teams are named “Off Constantly.” It’s like my Dad used to say, “Son, you just can’t beat Off Constantly.”
Why, no, that joke doesn’t ever get old for me. Why do you ask?
July 25th, 2007 at 8:53 am
My best team names I have had:
Mike Charlie Foxtrot
Achaean League
Monkey Steals the Peach
July 25th, 2007 at 8:56 am
The Pimp’s Backhand, that is all
July 25th, 2007 at 9:13 am
If they won’t let you use the Butt Pirates, go with an obscure Milhouse reference I used to use — the Dreaded Rear Admirals.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:23 am
Otto Man – I thought you would have gone with Team Discover Channel
July 25th, 2007 at 9:25 am
Jon-Benet Rams. That is all.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:28 am
My only decently named team? The Ralston Roid Ragers. Timeless, alliterative, asinine, it has it all.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Have I become that predictable, Chris?
I once had a team by that name but no one in the league got the joke. I think I wound up changing it to the B-Sharps or something less obscure.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:34 am
I’ve used Team Discovery Channel. I even made a shitty photoshop icon of Martin and Nelson. I’ve also used Unexplained Bacon in terms of Simpson’s references.
Also, The Cleveland Steamers never gets old.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Hannibal’s Cannibals should work well – movie reference and it’s clean…unless you’re the one being eaten then not so much.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:46 am
peehole bonanza
July 25th, 2007 at 9:47 am
my team is named Ron Mexico’s Revenge………..
July 25th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Apparently BDD is really a fan of the name “Ookie Monsters”.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Ukrop Deep Sixes
Supermarket in Richmond that is closed every Sunday.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Anal Conquistadors is a favorite of mine… another is The Gash Sacks
July 25th, 2007 at 9:56 am
I just usually go with “Greg Oden’s Raven”.
July 25th, 2007 at 9:57 am
Team Balco – Baseball
Helen Keller’s Disciples – Football
July 25th, 2007 at 9:58 am
I think I might go with “Jason and the Assgrownuts” this year.
Standbys.
Pre-teen clean.
Pardon the Intervention
My mom and dad having sex
The last name is a curse on the other teams as every week someone will have to think, “Who am I playing this week? Oh, I’m up against my mom and dad having sex.”
July 25th, 2007 at 10:04 am
The Old Spice Red Zone Sponsored by Home Depot and Made Possible by a Donation from the Carnegie Foundation. Too long?
July 25th, 2007 at 10:09 am
I’ve used something to do with Ron Mexico every year since I’ve started (only been playing three years now but in 2 leagues). And oo-boy have I lucked out this year. Good’ol Ron Mexico has given me lot’s of potential names. Might go with Ron Mexico Gave My Dog Herpes but I’m looking for something a little shorter. Any suggestions?
July 25th, 2007 at 10:13 am
Last year, I went with “The Jonathan Taylor Thomas Experience.” Include a picture and see how many frightened and/or confused looks you get at the draft. Good times.
July 25th, 2007 at 10:13 am
I’m going with the Ookie Shuffle
July 25th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Last year, my team was the orgasmic hillbillies
July 25th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Spleen’s for Breakfast
July 25th, 2007 at 10:24 am
@Mark.
Mr. Mexico’s Ookie all stars
Mr. Mexixo’s Ookie Opus
Ookie and Anthony
July 25th, 2007 at 10:26 am
“Kenny Irons Suitcase”
July 25th, 2007 at 10:32 am
In the last year:
Prison Gravy and Delicious Afterbirth – Hockey
Billion Dollar Penis – Basketball
Jews for Jesus Alou – Baseball
July 25th, 2007 at 10:34 am
I’m regretting not following Otto Man’s advice and going with the Dr. Sally Waxlers.
July 25th, 2007 at 10:37 am
in consecutive years a team in my league was:
-Curtis Enis, throbbing penis
-Curtis Enis, revenge of the penis
-my penis is bigger than the penis of curtis enis
-Enis envy
July 25th, 2007 at 10:38 am
I refuse to do Borat references… no matter how funny they are, your Borat-themed team will be one of millions. No fun in that.
Then again, I’m the guy who has named his team Smelly PirateHookers for three years running. And for my office league, I stick with the Chewbacca Defense (law firm league obviously). Or the SMU DeathPenalty – cause it’s fun to make fun of my own school.
July 25th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Just decided on “Second Eye Blind” with orlando brown pic as my logo.
July 25th, 2007 at 10:45 am
my best name was “System of McCown” a couple of years ago, which I arrived at after spending literally hours trying to work up lame puns involving band names and NFL players (Mike Minterpol, anyone?).
July 25th, 2007 at 10:53 am
Martin Luther Lizard Kings
July 25th, 2007 at 10:53 am
Football options:
-Ookie Lavagetto (football AND baseball)
-Construda for All!
-Oh Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah (I just can’t get enough of that Koolaid)
-Ms. Adam (think about it…)
Basketball:
-Jew Slamma Jamma
-Playing for O.J. Mayo
Baseball:
-The Rime of Julio Franco
-Don’t Fuck with DeJesus (I can’t take credit for that one, it belongs to somebody in my Yahoo! League)
-The Elijah Dukes of Hazzard
Any sport- Young Nuclei (you knew I had to go there)
July 25th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Brian’s dong. Nice.
July 25th, 2007 at 10:56 am
Grande Assblast. That was my name in a Starbucks-led league last year. Now, Starbucks sucks, and I must think of a cooler name.
July 25th, 2007 at 11:00 am
Using a reference that my league doesn’t quit get, I went with team Clasina Valkenberg
July 25th, 2007 at 11:00 am
correction: “brown eye blind” is way better
July 25th, 2007 at 11:04 am
I’m partial to Freddie Mercury AIDS. As soon as you see me on the schedule, you dead dawg.
July 25th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Ookie Salad Tosser
July 25th, 2007 at 11:16 am
Three Doors DownSyndrome
July 25th, 2007 at 11:20 am
“second eye blind” is better than “brown eye blind”. while brown eye blind incorprates the crude as well as the clever, it’s almost too complicated, and you lose the music reference.
July 25th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Your Mom’s Boyfriend
I like to start insulting other players immediately. It gets uncomfortable if someone has a dead mom, but hey, you should’ve tried harder to keep her alive fuckface.
July 25th, 2007 at 11:26 am
I’ve been Grampa’s Magic Anus for years. It’s creepy with a children’s book flair.
July 25th, 2007 at 11:32 am
For Baseball, the probably unoriginal Doug’s Man-Cave Itch.
July 25th, 2007 at 11:37 am
Corey Lidle’s Co-Pilots has a nice ring to it; however, not quite apropos for a football team.
July 25th, 2007 at 11:37 am
hockey: Primeau Shit
nascar: Skoaliosis
July 25th, 2007 at 11:39 am
@luis bup:
Pat Tillman’s Platoon?
July 25th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Tim Donaghy’s Kneecaps
July 25th, 2007 at 11:47 am
nascar: Danica Patrick’s Muffler
baseball: Barry’s Track Marks
football: Ricky’s Sticky Icky
July 25th, 2007 at 11:48 am
Throwgasms for some, miniature American flags for others!
July 25th, 2007 at 11:50 am
THE BAD NEWZ KENNELS
July 25th, 2007 at 11:54 am
@ smoothvanilla…I like your choice. I usually go with the abbreviated ‘Your Mom’. This way even if you lose you can say “Your Mom took a pounding this week.”
July 25th, 2007 at 11:57 am
Team name used for baseball and football: Bo Knows Hoes
Also came up with 2 Phat 4 Spandex for my old roommate.
July 25th, 2007 at 11:57 am
Baseball: Dickie Thon in a Box
Football: The Enis Mightiers
July 25th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
i tend to try to class it up a little bit with The Late-Term Abortions
July 25th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Leinart’s Love Child
Will be good for at least 18 years.
July 25th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Brady’s Bastard Baby
July 25th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
I too am a user of the name bad newz kennels it is not original but it makes me happy.
July 25th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
The Menocu King Prongs
July 25th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Bukkake Sunrise
July 25th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
best name I ever saw was:
Joe Theismann’s Leg
I tried to copy the theme, but the best I could come up with was:
Rae Carruth’s Girlfriend – I think Yahoo would ban this immediately.
July 25th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
My team in a league of kids I knew threw radio stations for a few years was
The Bouncing Soldier Fields
Basketball :420 Bakers.
Baseball: M&L Airlines
And hockey is always :Fleury’s Bottle (a gold star for whoever get’s that reference)
Useable for all are
The Christ Punchers
The Upright Otters
Fondue With Cheddar
Blanquito Favorito (Works really well if you are the lone honkey in an all minority league. Why yes, I do live in Harlem why do you ask?)
July 25th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Great article! Well done!
July 25th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Jugs and Red.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Originally I set up this year’s Yahoo! team with the name “First Place,” but then I switched it to “Romo Is My Holder,” because fuck the Cowboys, that’s why.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Stink Eye For The Straight Guy
Lindsay’s Alcohol Bracelet
Lazy Knee Grows
July 25th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
The Vanderjagoffs
Eli’s Badminton Buddies
July 25th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
@john john the bastard
Along the same lines, my team name last year was Honky Kong. But all the people in my league were white. Hmm. So it’s not the same at all. Shit.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
NHL
Karl’s Dyke House
July 25th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
The Fighting Jesuses is always a fan favorite.
July 25th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Come on now. How can you not use “God Emperor Goodell”? I’m using it in all my leagues this year.
July 25th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Three Nut Minimum
The Milano Hairbrush
Hard Pipe Hitting Wookies
Raging Mega-Huge Boners
The Mitch Cumsteins
Single & Hammered
Danny Pintauro’s Mustache
July 25th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Tom Fupa is bringing home the championship again this year.
July 25th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Najeh Shit in Your Hamper
July 25th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Turf Cock
July 25th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Helen Killer.
July 25th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
@jpyeager22 – You should be banned from this site for admitting to being involved in fantasy nascar. For shame!
I’ve gotten away with “Ron Mexico’s Herpes” and “The Phil McCrackens” in past Yahoo! leagues.
My asshole buddy created his league in June, which is illegal in my book. You need to wait until late July. So my temporary team name is “June is For Baseball”. But since its mostly cops in that league I was thinking of “Baconators” or “Donut A$$holes” or “The Bacon Smellers” just to piss them all off.
My league has been called “Southside Scumbags” for 5 years now. Year 2 was “Scumbags Strike Back” and Year 3 was “Return of the Scumbags”. I is clever.
July 25th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
I stick with the simple. I call my team… Team.
July 25th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
I’ve been thinking about the name “Atomic Donkey Punch” for a while, and even created a logo for it.
I’m not sure I’m going to go with it though.
I was somewhat inspired last night by “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo” to name my team “The Portuguese Breakfast.” The logo potential is intriguing.
July 25th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Dominic Jones and the Blast Crusade
July 25th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Thinking of going with “Construda is for closers”
I feel it has a nice ring to it
July 25th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
The Quiet VT Koreans
July 25th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
I was debating between Fido Wanna’ Ookie or Cujo Wanna’ Ookie but it would just suck if there were other Ookie teams in the league.
July 25th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
A sampling of years past:
Tickle Me Elton (BktB)
Soul on Ice (Hock)
Briar 2
The Underhill’s Bill
Sorry John Paxson (BktB)
Tremendous Slouches
Vickheads (FB)
The Uncle Tomlinsons (FB)
Cush-lash (FB)
Cardiff Giants
1-800-Joe-Horn (FB)
Mr Sinilindins
The May Tricks (BB)
Saving Nolan Ryan (BB)
Roids of London (BB)
The Roid Mosebys (BB)
Neil Page Songbook
Habitual Linesteppers
Frayed Labrums
Crazy Cool Medallions
The Silver Mullets (Hock)
July 25th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
For five years I have been the proud GM of Reggie White’s Rainbow Coalition.
July 25th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Cozy’s Squagels
July 25th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Fantasy baseball team this year: David Cone’s Dick. Am I the only one who remembers when women were accusing him of whipping out his dick in the bullpen at a sparsely attended home game and displaying it to female fans? Apparently…no one thinks it’s funny. Fuck them.
July 25th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
for my movie reference football league:
Daddy’s not coming on anything!
July 25th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
I’m regretting not following Otto Man’s advice and going with the Dr. Sally Waxlers.
You never listen, Ape. And that’s why I hit you.
“Send me to a psychiatrist, will you? Take that, Dr. Sally Waxler!”
July 25th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
I gotta Go with “The Suite Life of Rexy and Ookie”
July 25th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Balls Deep.
July 25th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Funky Butte Sects.
July 25th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Yao Minge
July 25th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
My 21″ Femur
July 25th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Due to Yahoo’s space limits, all one word…:
Mike Vick Doggy Day Care
July 25th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
Hmmm…someone already has “The Dogfighters”, so “MikeVickDoggyDayCare” is out…
July 25th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
I think this year I’m going with
Texas Turf Tacos
July 25th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
I never win the leagues, but always win “Best Name.” A sampling:
A Rectal Prolapse
Scissor Me, Xerxes
Colostimus Prime
A Connie Chung Christmas
Andy Dick’s Last Flush
The Aristocraps
Grandma’s Weathered Funpatch
But I still don’t have a good one for this year. . .yet. . .
July 25th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Best name hands down: The First Downsyndromes
July 25th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Ron Mexico’s Home for Wayward Dogs
July 25th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Enhanced Performers
July 25th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Always go with two names every year: The Kobra Kai Dojo (my yahoo screen name is actually John Kreese) and The Noodle Incident (an extremely obscure Calvin and Hobbes refrence,) but I think “Ron Mexico’s Home For Wayward Dogs” is going to be added to the roation.
July 25th, 2007 at 6:58 pm
Shaved Beavers, here.
July 25th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
The Wesley Crushers.
July 25th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
@ biggus rickus:
Mike Coolbaugh’s Carotid Artery?
July 25th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
my team is the “Mexico Pit Bulls”
July 25th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
SalaryCapInYoAss, although I may also use Peregrym Reaper to honor Big Ben’s Bridget Moynahan-wannabe girlfriend.
July 25th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Going along with the Ron Mexico theme, my best effort was “Gonhorrea and the Burning Sensations” with Vick’s picture as the team logo. Second place was a reference to the No. 1 cause of death in the civil war, “The Tennessee Quicksteps” this time with VY as the logo.
July 25th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
I’m cruising along, enjoying the article, as always… Chuckling at the names and then “The Cunt of Monte Cristo” stops me dead and I have “an episode”.
Thank you so much for that. I appreciate it. Sure, it’s not new, but it was totally unexpected here.
July 25th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
pits of muhammad – baseball
chrome horn – nascar
dirty sanchez – nfl
July 25th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Baseball:
Suspicious Cream
Football:
Noodly Appendages
Fred Taylor’s Groin
July 25th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
This year… Weekend at Benoits
July 25th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
I foolishly thought that I was the first to name my team “Bad Newz Kennels”, I’m an idiot.
By I have a new (and already classic)one. “4th and Schlong”
I also have gone under the name “Weekend Warriors”.
July 25th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
The Little Donny Foundation.
July 25th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
I have been the “Brown I-Formations” for last few years
July 25th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Outstanding. I love your work.
How about these:
Punch the One-Eyed Clown
12 Inches of Dangling Fury
Taco Dressing
Coiled Spitting Dragons
Jim and the Twins
Sorry, all with sexual connotations. I’m sick, aren’t I?
July 25th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Baseball:
The Flaxseed Oilers The Annie Savoy Special
Football:
The Unsportsmanlike Conductors
Golf (yes, golf):
The Flungclub Shaftsnappers
July 25th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
who made el duque?
oreo jeters
pacman jones and the lookouts
workin’ the anal angle
hymen on the totem pole
klecko my eggo
george washingmachine
knocked uppers
tractor gonorrhea (seinfeld)
a-rod upyerpooper
jalen rosebud
kobehurtinmyass
iraqi pataki!
July 25th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
Cory Lidle’s Flight Instructor
July 25th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
@ noah:
Cory Lidle’s Co-Pilots wasn’t specific enough for you?
July 25th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
names i’ve gone with:
Momma’s Bukkake Pie
Bab’s Uvula (Bill Murray/Gilda Radner SNL skit)
July 26th, 2007 at 1:13 am
Chris Hansen’s Cockblockers
July 26th, 2007 at 1:20 am
I’ve done well with:
Homer Pimpson
Ashy Larry
July 26th, 2007 at 7:48 am
@ bill b
hands down my favorite. just beautiful
July 26th, 2007 at 8:29 am
In the past I’ve gone with shit like Droughns’ Driving Academy and Najeh’s Hamper… then I realized that my team names–not unlike 90% of all Deadspin commenter names–was following the [This guy]’s [that] formula, so I’m trying to move away from possessives this year. I may go with an old standby: The Tony Danzas.
July 26th, 2007 at 8:54 am
- The Bukkake Tsunami
- Doug Flutie’s Retarded Sons (Not even remotely clever, just awful and wrong in every way)
- Mark Chmura Day Care
- Sons of Brady
- Viva Ron Mexico
- (Going back to a classic KSK post) Wade Phillips, who the fuck are you?
July 26th, 2007 at 9:06 am
The Brady Munch
July 26th, 2007 at 9:13 am
Go with Dexter Manley Book Club. Timeless and mean-spirited.
July 26th, 2007 at 9:23 am
-2 minute drill w/your mom
has served me well. Dirty, pun and insult all in one.
July 26th, 2007 at 9:30 am
I dont have the best team names…usually something All-Stars.
ie Dave Burba’s All Star’s or Ray Finkle’s All Star’s
My fantasy baseball league is “Roger Dorn Night.” I rather like that one. As in, “is April too early for a Roger Dorn night?”
July 26th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Let’s see… the Atlanta Alpha Dogs are this years sportingnews team.
Previous years: JD and the Mooks (obscure reference to INXS), the Chefs, the Buckfutters.
Other Teams: The Japanese Ballslappers (baseball), the Montreal Steak Spice (hockey), the Poop Schrutes (hockey again).
July 26th, 2007 at 9:35 am
With Another Man’s Testicles.
So the conversation goes:
“Who are you playing this week?”
“I am playing With Another Man’s Testicles this week.”
That is the only funny thing Bill Simmons ever wrote or said. Although he probably stole it from someone else.
July 26th, 2007 at 9:58 am
Movie references….
Mr. Blutarski 0.0
Abe Froman, Sausage King
Laces out Marino!
Eric Stratton “damn glad to meet ya”
July 26th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Find me one other site on the Internet where you can get a John Cassavetes reference to go with your Hammer makeover reference.
Well played, Drew. Well played.
July 26th, 2007 at 10:47 am
The past names I have used:
Feces Pieces
Ted from Accounting
Edward Penishands
The Rural Jurors
The Lufthansa Heist
Honey Nut Ichiros
Vandelay Industries
Short Bus Rapist
July 26th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Holley Mangold’s Gash continues to provide me with pleasure…
Wait that came out wrong.
July 26th, 2007 at 11:31 am
I may have missed it, but has Will Leitch’s Black Shirt been mentioned?
July 26th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
My old favorite (not too applicable anymore):
Chiefing the Trent Green
Some others:
Vick’s Electricians
Seventh Floor Crew Alumni
Ron Mexico and the Drip
July 26th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Ronnie “Get In Ma” Belliard (Baseball)
Pigskin Labia’s (football)
July 26th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
The Electric Koolaid Construda Test
Too nerdy???
July 26th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
For baseball: Ugueth’s Vacation Home
July 27th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Taint Misbehavin’
July 27th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
I named my team “with a man’s balls”
And then every week I’d ask my opponent who he was playing this week.
Funny
July 29th, 2007 at 12:35 am
Pillow Pants
July 31st, 2007 at 12:24 pm
i went with Phisting Ray Finkle…I had to go with the non phonetic (odd how that word isn’t spelled fo-net-ikly) use of Fisting because the ass blasters at ESPN apparently figured out that there is another use for that word
August 20th, 2007 at 1:45 am
Dirty Gerbils
Richard Gere
July 23rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
[...] we here at KSK are here to help. Time to bring back our now annual fantasy team naming guide. Tired of naming your team Magic Man And El Diablo, like you do every year? Well, fear not. Once [...]
July 24th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Galloping Dandruff- Check out old episodes of Reno 911 for the meaning
July 30th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Rape Stand
August 4th, 2008 at 11:45 am
‘Vick in a box’
August 7th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I like to incorporate coaches and thus far have:
Jim Mora Cowbell (I’m from Seattle)
Mike Shanihandjobs
HermAfrodites (for LJ owners)
Also tinkering with: Dancing with the SARS
August 7th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Debbie Does Dallas Clark
August 11th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
This year’s team: Your GF’s Anal Bead
August 19th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Faves:
Chicks Dig Tight Ends
Global Warming
Stinky Cheese
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:01 pm
how bout thes one the greenbowl packers nice pot reference and clever at the same time
August 26th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I’ve decided on “CLAP! your hands say: Urine Trouble”
I feel like it’s a solid trifecta: a bad pun with “urine trouble” (read: You’re in Trouble for the slow folks, as in your team is going to lose for the comlplete and utterly retarded kids), a Gonorrhea reference with Clap & urine trouble, and finally incorporating music I actually listen to (Clap your hands say yeah!).
August 31st, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Michael Phelps Enjoys Beijing Bukkake
September 10th, 2008 at 12:21 am
Great post. Brady Quinn Hand Party is my favorite because he is such a douche.
May 20th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
69ers
August 8th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Team Scoregasm (always scores first)
August 24th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
My Dixie Normous
Urine Trouble
August 24th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Pabst Smear Drippings
August 24th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Paul Brown Stains
September 6th, 2009 at 11:22 am
My keeper is “Manwhores United Football Club”
My teenager plays soccer and one day he was talking about the Manchester team & their fanbase. Somehow “Deuce Bigalo” worked his way into the conversation and my team was created.
October 31st, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Mother Kannuckers
Your Mudders Udders
You Emeka me moist ~Basketball
Charlie Weis’s Trousers
Pabst Smear Drippings
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:10 pm
for college famtasy TATEr tots. use if you star me