The KSK Guide To Naming Your Fantasy Team


I suck at naming fantasy teams. Every year I come up with a fantasy team name (last year’s were Babette’s Meast and Hot Carl Lee), and every year I discover myriad other team names that put mine to shame. This is disappointing, as 50% of the joy I derive from fantasy football comes from naming and drafting my team. Everything after that is almost a letdown. There are 10 to 12 teams in every league (or, if you happen to be Punter and lack the ability to count, 14). Chances are, my team isn’t going to be the one that wins. And, if I do happen to win, then I’m just another asshole who brags about winning his fantasy league. I fucking hate those people, and so do you. It’s all sort of downhill from the initial thrill of starting out the year. You Arizona Cardinal fans can surely sympathize.

Well, this year, the pressure was even higher to come up with an acceptable team name, because the good folks over at Yahoo! Sports have invited us to join their Blogger All-Star (oxymoron alert) League, which they’ll be covering from week to week. It features us, Will Leitch, MJD, and other assorted chronic masturbators. As such, we could not select team names that were dirty (Boner In Your Butt, anyone?), homophobic (Chris Simms Is A Fag!), or ethnically displeasing (South Carolina Cracka Ass Crackas). This, as you might guess, created an almost impossible challenge for myself and my KSK colleagues. It meant we had to come up with names that were actually clever. Not our strongest suit. In fact, it’s not even a suit we have in our wardrobe.

There are no real rules to coming up with a fantasy team name. They tend to fall into categories: Dirty, Film/TV/Music/Internet references, News references, Puns, and Potpourri. Names can overlap categories, of course. But, for this exercise, let’s tackle these one by one. It’s a fantasy name brainstorming session! Actually, since we’re dealing with my brain, it’s more of a brainfogging session. I’ll be assisted by some KSK friends, including flubby, who excels at this practice (his NCAA pool name this year? Octopussybasket.).

Dirty Names
Unusable for our Yahoo! League, but usable for the KSK keeper league. Dirty names never get old, because they are dirty. Sure, Space Dockers is not the most original team name. But hey, it’s space docking. It’s funny, because it’s horrible. Here were a few during my initial brainstorm session:

-Laser Rocket Cocks
-Fuck You Brandon Jacobs
-Penis Toaster
-TO Loves The Cock
-Cock Salad
-Ass Sashimi
-Angry Butt Pirates
-Strawberry Shortcakes
-Dildo Dishwasher
-Beaver von Bismarcks
-Carolina ‘Gina

None of these are good. In fact, they’re all horrible. I don’t know how you make a cock salad, and I don’t want to find out. I assume ranch dressing is used for symbolic purposes. Laser Rocket Cocks is almost acceptable, because it works in a football reference. But, overall, these are God awful.

Film/TV/Music/Internet References
Fact: Over 70 million fantasy teams last year were named Whale’s Vaginas. The problem with making references now is that everything has officially been referenced. Think that Krull reference was a great pull? Wrong. Lots of other people also grew up in the 80’s, too. Jagoff. Frankly, I blame “Family Guy” and “I Love The 80’s” for beating every possible reference available into the ground. Even Internet references like “Carl Mondays” and what not can get tired within 24 hours (especially in our hands!).

Still, that won’t stop millions from naming their team “Sexy Time Explosions” this coming year. And you know what? It’s still pretty fucking funny. Here were some from my discard pile:

-A Planet Full Of Unicorns
-Mischievous Badgers
-Sandy Sullivan’s Gaping Snatch
-GoLords
-Destiny’s Frankensteins
-Man Vs. Zakk Wylde
-Koolaid Maroneys
-Big Black Cocks With Pearly White Cum (this may also fit in the Dirty category)
-Pumps And A Bump
-Mary Worth’s Suicide Watch
-Spidermanbearpigs
-The Ambiguously Gay Uffords

As you can see, it’s hard not to spruce up some of these references with salty language. Additions like “gaping snatch” are always an improvement. And look, a Hammer reference! But not a reference to when Hammer was popular, but to his ill-fated gangsta makeover! It’s doubly ironic! Koolaid Maroneys makes me happy, and any chance to make fun of Ufford is always time well spent. Otherwise, some of these names are about as funny as a new Deadspin commenter.

News References
Current events in sports or other news are always a good foundation for naming teams. Especially if it refers to an athlete or coach who is in trouble. It’s an enjoyable way of laughing at another person’s personal anguish. Why, I just spent an hour today trying to think of every possible name involving the word Ookie. And any reference to a coked-out Lindsay Lohan is guaranteed to remain current. The problem, of course, is that most news references can grow old before the end of the year. Don’t believe me?

-Smoot’s Fingercuffs
-Scooter Labia
-Britney’s Flobee
-Mitt’s Massholes
-Joslyn Morse’s Manpussy
-Virginia Gameness
-Ookie Monsters
-The Killing Of A Chinese Ookie
-Ookie Blaylocks
-Fortune Ookies
-Ookie Cutters
-Ookie Monsters
-Ookie Wilsons

Fred Smoot and Scooter Libby jokes. Man, do those topics have legs! Especially in a keeper league! I liked “The Killing Of A Chinese Ookie”, but Yahoo! wouldn’t allow names longer than 20 characters. Buttfuckers. I use the word “Manpussy” any chance I get, but that was out. As you can see, I went a bit overboard on the Ookie references, which brings us to…

Puns
Fantasy team names bring out the aspiring New York Post headline writer in all of us (my personal favorite Post headline, regarding a scam at Ground Zero: “Ash-Holes”). Puns are considered hacky, lame, and the refuge of a shitty writer. Which is why I thought of hundreds of them. I’ll only list a couple here to spare you the pain.

-Otis Spunksmeyer
-Goodell Ship Lollipop
-Schorno for Pyros
-The Cunt of Monte Cristo
-Tits Ahoy

I write ad headlines for a living. If it weren’t for puns, 99% of all advertising would cease to exist. As would shitty, horrible team names like these.

Potpourri
Freed from confining genre names, random names allow you to come up with shitty names or in-jokes that have nothing to do with much of anything. GO WILD!!!!

-Body by Mangini
-Bong Hits For Satan
-The Winking Nipples
-Maraschino Jeff Garcias
-Dan Shanoff’s Shaved Back

Body By Mangini was a personal favorite of mine, since it made fun of Eric Mangini (he has tits!) and myself (I do too!) simultaneously. Pot jokes always get a good reception. People love substance abuse. I have no evidence that Shanoff shaves his back. That was all through the power of my imagination.

As I said, many of these categories overlap, which is how I came up with my final team names.

KSK League: Brian’s Dong

Yahoo! League: BradyQuinn Handparty

Brian’s Dong is a combo of Dirty Name, Movie Reference, and Lame Pun. But I liked the fact that it represented the gay porn name for some old football weepie I never watched. Starring Gay Sayers!

Yahoo! has accepted the latter name for now. No one can resist a tribute to this photo:


And the Borat reference, while tired, was fitting. EXTREMELY fitting. So it had that going for it, which was nice.

But names are in the eye of the beholder. You may like the name Brian’s Dong. You may prefer Pan Down For Reggie Bush. Regardless, the important thing is that YOU like the name you picked for your team. After all, you’re the only asshole on Earth who cares about it. Until Week 10, when Larry Johnson tears his patellar tendon.

So happy naming to you, fair fantasy players. I hope you come up with something better than the shit I came up with. I’m quite certain you will. Your names welcome in the comments.

And if you’d like to know the names of the teams in the KSK Keeper League, here they are:

-Brian’s Dong
-My Hot Babysitter Raped Me
-Mattoon Green Wave (Hey Leitch, try something new for once)
-No Poon For Plaxico Tax
-We Are The Diamonds, We Come From Glasgow
-Cum Dumpsters
-Birmingham Church Fire (from UM, an inspried choice)
-Canada Roughriders
-Al Harris’ Fruit Bowl
-Gaza Striptease
-Gabelicious
-Misconstrudas
-Mr. Irrelevant (Way to make an effort, Mottram)
-Cleverly Named Team (from DJ Gallo. There’s a reason he gets paid to make jokes and I do not.)

Tags: , ,

171 Responses to “The KSK Guide To Naming Your Fantasy Team”

  1. John Says:

    is UM the birmingham church fire? my two teams are “apes at a rave” and “lisa ‘dead-bitch’ lopez” (that one never gets old)

  2. devang Says:

    Purina Vicky Chow. Contains enough pot to mellow out even the toughest dogs.

    (Yes I’m still angry, and I don’t even own any dogs).

  3. Raskolnikov Says:

    …And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Meast Juice

  4. Hustler of Culture Says:

    Baseball – Stupid Angelos (obviously)

    Football – I’m thinking “Bear Gylllis Sleeps in Hotels”

  5. Permanent4 Says:

    All my fantasy teams are named “Off Constantly.” It’s like my Dad used to say, “Son, you just can’t beat Off Constantly.”

    Why, no, that joke doesn’t ever get old for me. Why do you ask?

  6. John S. Says:

    My best team names I have had:

    Mike Charlie Foxtrot

    Achaean League

    Monkey Steals the Peach

  7. Kevin Says:

    The Pimp’s Backhand, that is all

  8. Otto Man Says:

    If they won’t let you use the Butt Pirates, go with an obscure Milhouse reference I used to use — the Dreaded Rear Admirals.

  9. Chris Says:

    Otto Man – I thought you would have gone with Team Discover Channel

  10. mozz Says:

    Jon-Benet Rams. That is all.

  11. Biggus Rickus Says:

    My only decently named team? The Ralston Roid Ragers. Timeless, alliterative, asinine, it has it all.

  12. Otto Man Says:

    Have I become that predictable, Chris?

    I once had a team by that name but no one in the league got the joke. I think I wound up changing it to the B-Sharps or something less obscure.

  13. Lionel McClure Says:

    I’ve used Team Discovery Channel. I even made a shitty photoshop icon of Martin and Nelson. I’ve also used Unexplained Bacon in terms of Simpson’s references.

    Also, The Cleveland Steamers never gets old.

  14. Jackin'4Beats Says:

    Hannibal’s Cannibals should work well – movie reference and it’s clean…unless you’re the one being eaten then not so much.

  15. Ken Dynamo Says:

    peehole bonanza

  16. STAK Says:

    my team is named Ron Mexico’s Revenge………..

  17. Shoopmonster Says:

    Apparently BDD is really a fan of the name “Ookie Monsters”.

  18. Jackin'4Beats Says:

    Ukrop Deep Sixes

    Supermarket in Richmond that is closed every Sunday.

  19. Pemulis Says:

    Anal Conquistadors is a favorite of mine… another is The Gash Sacks

  20. Shoopmonster Says:

    I just usually go with “Greg Oden’s Raven”.

  21. Chris Says:

    Team Balco – Baseball

    Helen Keller’s Disciples – Football

  22. Wormfather Says:

    I think I might go with “Jason and the Assgrownuts” this year.

    Standbys.

    Pre-teen clean.
    Pardon the Intervention
    My mom and dad having sex

    The last name is a curse on the other teams as every week someone will have to think, “Who am I playing this week? Oh, I’m up against my mom and dad having sex.”

  23. Biggus Rickus Says:

    The Old Spice Red Zone Sponsored by Home Depot and Made Possible by a Donation from the Carnegie Foundation. Too long?

  24. Mark Says:

    I’ve used something to do with Ron Mexico every year since I’ve started (only been playing three years now but in 2 leagues). And oo-boy have I lucked out this year. Good’ol Ron Mexico has given me lot’s of potential names. Might go with Ron Mexico Gave My Dog Herpes but I’m looking for something a little shorter. Any suggestions?

  25. Jon Koncak's Thighs Says:

    Last year, I went with “The Jonathan Taylor Thomas Experience.” Include a picture and see how many frightened and/or confused looks you get at the draft. Good times.

  26. Shamel Says:

    I’m going with the Ookie Shuffle

  27. Tuck Fexas Says:

    Last year, my team was the orgasmic hillbillies

  28. Jackin'4Beats Says:

    Spleen’s for Breakfast

  29. Wormfather Says:

    @Mark.

    Mr. Mexico’s Ookie all stars
    Mr. Mexixo’s Ookie Opus
    Ookie and Anthony

  30. The Last Dragon Says:

    “Kenny Irons Suitcase”

  31. Jordan Ginsberg Says:

    In the last year:

    Prison Gravy and Delicious Afterbirth – Hockey

    Billion Dollar Penis – Basketball

    Jews for Jesus Alou – Baseball

  32. Christmas Ape Says:

    I’m regretting not following Otto Man’s advice and going with the Dr. Sally Waxlers.

  33. Awful Chief Says:

    in consecutive years a team in my league was:

    -Curtis Enis, throbbing penis
    -Curtis Enis, revenge of the penis
    -my penis is bigger than the penis of curtis enis
    -Enis envy

  34. grungedave Says:

    I refuse to do Borat references… no matter how funny they are, your Borat-themed team will be one of millions. No fun in that.

    Then again, I’m the guy who has named his team Smelly PirateHookers for three years running. And for my office league, I stick with the Chewbacca Defense (law firm league obviously). Or the SMU DeathPenalty – cause it’s fun to make fun of my own school.

  35. Awful Chief Says:

    Just decided on “Second Eye Blind” with orlando brown pic as my logo.

  36. Josh Says:

    my best name was “System of McCown” a couple of years ago, which I arrived at after spending literally hours trying to work up lame puns involving band names and NFL players (Mike Minterpol, anyone?).

  37. Biggus Rickus Says:

    Martin Luther Lizard Kings

  38. The Young Nucleus Says:

    Football options:
    -Ookie Lavagetto (football AND baseball)
    -Construda for All!
    -Oh Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah (I just can’t get enough of that Koolaid)
    -Ms. Adam (think about it…)

    Basketball:
    -Jew Slamma Jamma
    -Playing for O.J. Mayo

    Baseball:
    -The Rime of Julio Franco
    -Don’t Fuck with DeJesus (I can’t take credit for that one, it belongs to somebody in my Yahoo! League)
    -The Elijah Dukes of Hazzard

    Any sport- Young Nuclei (you knew I had to go there)

  39. TheNaturalMevs Says:

    Brian’s dong. Nice.

  40. Cliff Says:

    Grande Assblast. That was my name in a Starbucks-led league last year. Now, Starbucks sucks, and I must think of a cooler name.

  41. liquid_d Says:

    Using a reference that my league doesn’t quit get, I went with team Clasina Valkenberg

  42. Awful Chief Says:

    correction: “brown eye blind” is way better

  43. McBain Says:

    I’m partial to Freddie Mercury AIDS. As soon as you see me on the schedule, you dead dawg.

  44. Shoopmonster Says:

    Ookie Salad Tosser

  45. Pemulis Says:

    Three Doors DownSyndrome

  46. Lionel McClure Says:

    “second eye blind” is better than “brown eye blind”. while brown eye blind incorprates the crude as well as the clever, it’s almost too complicated, and you lose the music reference.

  47. smoothvanillapocketrocket Says:

    Your Mom’s Boyfriend
    I like to start insulting other players immediately. It gets uncomfortable if someone has a dead mom, but hey, you should’ve tried harder to keep her alive fuckface.

  48. Neil Says:

    I’ve been Grampa’s Magic Anus for years. It’s creepy with a children’s book flair.

  49. Biggus Rickus Says:

    For Baseball, the probably unoriginal Doug’s Man-Cave Itch.

  50. Luis Bup Says:

    Corey Lidle’s Co-Pilots has a nice ring to it; however, not quite apropos for a football team.

  51. Awful Chief Says:

    hockey: Primeau Shit
    nascar: Skoaliosis

  52. Biggus Rickus Says:

    @luis bup:

    Pat Tillman’s Platoon?

  53. the butler Says:

    Tim Donaghy’s Kneecaps

  54. jpyeager22 Says:

    nascar: Danica Patrick’s Muffler
    baseball: Barry’s Track Marks
    football: Ricky’s Sticky Icky

  55. Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco Says:

    Throwgasms for some, miniature American flags for others!

  56. GeorgeV Says:

    THE BAD NEWZ KENNELS

  57. MC Says:

    @ smoothvanilla…I like your choice. I usually go with the abbreviated ‘Your Mom’. This way even if you lose you can say “Your Mom took a pounding this week.”

  58. AustinBoston Says:

    Team name used for baseball and football: Bo Knows Hoes

    Also came up with 2 Phat 4 Spandex for my old roommate.

  59. Chris Condon Says:

    Baseball: Dickie Thon in a Box
    Football: The Enis Mightiers

  60. modthirtyb Says:

    i tend to try to class it up a little bit with The Late-Term Abortions

  61. SMP Says:

    Leinart’s Love Child

    Will be good for at least 18 years.

  62. Pemulis Says:

    Brady’s Bastard Baby

  63. washeed-neutwon Says:

    I too am a user of the name bad newz kennels it is not original but it makes me happy.

  64. Chopper Dave Says:

    The Menocu King Prongs

  65. nathan Says:

    Bukkake Sunrise

  66. grungedave Says:

    best name I ever saw was:

    Joe Theismann’s Leg

    I tried to copy the theme, but the best I could come up with was:

    Rae Carruth’s Girlfriend – I think Yahoo would ban this immediately.

  67. John John The Bastard Says:

    My team in a league of kids I knew threw radio stations for a few years was

    The Bouncing Soldier Fields

    Basketball :420 Bakers.
    Baseball: M&L Airlines
    And hockey is always :Fleury’s Bottle (a gold star for whoever get’s that reference)

    Useable for all are
    The Christ Punchers
    The Upright Otters
    Fondue With Cheddar
    Blanquito Favorito (Works really well if you are the lone honkey in an all minority league. Why yes, I do live in Harlem why do you ask?)

  68. Pre Pro Sports Says:

    Great article! Well done!

  69. Burnsy Says:

    Jugs and Red.

  70. Chamomiles Davis Says:

    Originally I set up this year’s Yahoo! team with the name “First Place,” but then I switched it to “Romo Is My Holder,” because fuck the Cowboys, that’s why.

  71. Fargin_Bastage Says:

    Stink Eye For The Straight Guy
    Lindsay’s Alcohol Bracelet
    Lazy Knee Grows

  72. Jackin'4Beats Says:

    The Vanderjagoffs
    Eli’s Badminton Buddies

  73. smoothvanillapocketrocket Says:

    @john john the bastard
    Along the same lines, my team name last year was Honky Kong. But all the people in my league were white. Hmm. So it’s not the same at all. Shit.

  74. Dan Says:

    NHL

    Karl’s Dyke House

  75. Chris Says:

    The Fighting Jesuses is always a fan favorite.

  76. The Hater Says:

    Come on now. How can you not use “God Emperor Goodell”? I’m using it in all my leagues this year.

  77. Mitch Cumstein Says:

    Three Nut Minimum
    The Milano Hairbrush
    Hard Pipe Hitting Wookies
    Raging Mega-Huge Boners
    The Mitch Cumsteins
    Single & Hammered
    Danny Pintauro’s Mustache

  78. twoeightnine Says:

    Tom Fupa is bringing home the championship again this year.

  79. Steve Says:

    Najeh Shit in Your Hamper

  80. Steve Says:

    Turf Cock

  81. Rock Says:

    Helen Killer.

  82. dick_gozinia Says:

    @jpyeager22 – You should be banned from this site for admitting to being involved in fantasy nascar. For shame!

    I’ve gotten away with “Ron Mexico’s Herpes” and “The Phil McCrackens” in past Yahoo! leagues.

    My asshole buddy created his league in June, which is illegal in my book. You need to wait until late July. So my temporary team name is “June is For Baseball”. But since its mostly cops in that league I was thinking of “Baconators” or “Donut A$$holes” or “The Bacon Smellers” just to piss them all off.

    My league has been called “Southside Scumbags” for 5 years now. Year 2 was “Scumbags Strike Back” and Year 3 was “Return of the Scumbags”. I is clever.

  83. The Pirate Sloth Says:

    I stick with the simple. I call my team… Team.

  84. Bucktown Skins Fan Says:

    I’ve been thinking about the name “Atomic Donkey Punch” for a while, and even created a logo for it.

    I’m not sure I’m going to go with it though.

    I was somewhat inspired last night by “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo” to name my team “The Portuguese Breakfast.” The logo potential is intriguing.

  85. McBain Says:

    Dominic Jones and the Blast Crusade

  86. K-Rock Says:

    Thinking of going with “Construda is for closers”

    I feel it has a nice ring to it

  87. Andrew Says:

    The Quiet VT Koreans

  88. Vanilla Says:

    I was debating between Fido Wanna’ Ookie or Cujo Wanna’ Ookie but it would just suck if there were other Ookie teams in the league.

  89. Consigliari Says:

    A sampling of years past:

    Tickle Me Elton (BktB)
    Soul on Ice (Hock)
    Briar 2
    The Underhill’s Bill
    Sorry John Paxson (BktB)
    Tremendous Slouches
    Vickheads (FB)
    The Uncle Tomlinsons (FB)
    Cush-lash (FB)
    Cardiff Giants
    1-800-Joe-Horn (FB)
    Mr Sinilindins
    The May Tricks (BB)
    Saving Nolan Ryan (BB)
    Roids of London (BB)
    The Roid Mosebys (BB)
    Neil Page Songbook
    Habitual Linesteppers
    Frayed Labrums
    Crazy Cool Medallions
    The Silver Mullets (Hock)

  90. Tecmo Bo Says:

    For five years I have been the proud GM of Reggie White’s Rainbow Coalition.

  91. Biggus Rickus Says:

    Cozy’s Squagels

  92. duke Says:

    Fantasy baseball team this year: David Cone’s Dick. Am I the only one who remembers when women were accusing him of whipping out his dick in the bullpen at a sparsely attended home game and displaying it to female fans? Apparently…no one thinks it’s funny. Fuck them.

  93. Irish Duffy98 Says:

    for my movie reference football league:

    Daddy’s not coming on anything!

  94. Otto Man Says:

    I’m regretting not following Otto Man’s advice and going with the Dr. Sally Waxlers.

    You never listen, Ape. And that’s why I hit you.

    “Send me to a psychiatrist, will you? Take that, Dr. Sally Waxler!”

  95. rar288 Says:

    I gotta Go with “The Suite Life of Rexy and Ookie”

  96. John Says:

    Balls Deep.

  97. CW aka Chad Sexington® Says:

    Funky Butte Sects.

  98. TY Says:

    Yao Minge

  99. Jeremy Says:

    My 21″ Femur

  100. CW aka Chad Sexington® Says:

    Due to Yahoo’s space limits, all one word…:

    Mike Vick Doggy Day Care

  101. 12-inch Idongivafuck Sandwich Says:

    Hmmm…someone already has “The Dogfighters”, so “MikeVickDoggyDayCare” is out…

  102. Rob Rose Says:

    I think this year I’m going with

    Texas Turf Tacos

  103. John Says:

    I never win the leagues, but always win “Best Name.” A sampling:
    A Rectal Prolapse
    Scissor Me, Xerxes
    Colostimus Prime
    A Connie Chung Christmas
    Andy Dick’s Last Flush
    The Aristocraps
    Grandma’s Weathered Funpatch

    But I still don’t have a good one for this year. . .yet. . .

  104. Mookie Says:

    Best name hands down: The First Downsyndromes

  105. Andy Says:

    Ron Mexico’s Home for Wayward Dogs

  106. Blair Says:

    Enhanced Performers

  107. Commodore Says:

    Always go with two names every year: The Kobra Kai Dojo (my yahoo screen name is actually John Kreese) and The Noodle Incident (an extremely obscure Calvin and Hobbes refrence,) but I think “Ron Mexico’s Home For Wayward Dogs” is going to be added to the roation.

  108. Angelos Says:

    Shaved Beavers, here.

  109. stukehrig Says:

    The Wesley Crushers.

  110. Luis Bup Says:

    @ biggus rickus:

    Mike Coolbaugh’s Carotid Artery?

  111. Sal Says:

    my team is the “Mexico Pit Bulls”

  112. Laser Rocket Arm Says:

    SalaryCapInYoAss, although I may also use Peregrym Reaper to honor Big Ben’s Bridget Moynahan-wannabe girlfriend.

  113. Tyler Says:

    Going along with the Ron Mexico theme, my best effort was “Gonhorrea and the Burning Sensations” with Vick’s picture as the team logo. Second place was a reference to the No. 1 cause of death in the civil war, “The Tennessee Quicksteps” this time with VY as the logo.

  114. Dr. Kent, Chair, Department of Yinzguistics Says:

    I’m cruising along, enjoying the article, as always… Chuckling at the names and then “The Cunt of Monte Cristo” stops me dead and I have “an episode”.

    Thank you so much for that. I appreciate it. Sure, it’s not new, but it was totally unexpected here.

  115. chris.franks Says:

    pits of muhammad – baseball
    chrome horn – nascar
    dirty sanchez – nfl

  116. alex Says:

    Baseball:

    Suspicious Cream

    Football:

    Noodly Appendages
    Fred Taylor’s Groin

  117. Bill B Says:

    This year… Weekend at Benoits

  118. tlhUW Says:

    I foolishly thought that I was the first to name my team “Bad Newz Kennels”, I’m an idiot.

    By I have a new (and already classic)one. “4th and Schlong”

    I also have gone under the name “Weekend Warriors”.

  119. John John The Bastard Says:

    The Little Donny Foundation.

  120. Pa-Hoe-Nix Jim Says:

    I have been the “Brown I-Formations” for last few years

  121. PartMule Says:

    Outstanding. I love your work.

    How about these:

    Punch the One-Eyed Clown
    12 Inches of Dangling Fury
    Taco Dressing
    Coiled Spitting Dragons
    Jim and the Twins

    Sorry, all with sexual connotations. I’m sick, aren’t I?

  122. Just Off Pace Says:

    Baseball:
    The Flaxseed Oilers The Annie Savoy Special

    Football:
    The Unsportsmanlike Conductors

    Golf (yes, golf):
    The Flungclub Shaftsnappers

  123. weslah Says:

    who made el duque?
    oreo jeters
    pacman jones and the lookouts
    workin’ the anal angle
    hymen on the totem pole
    klecko my eggo
    george washingmachine
    knocked uppers
    tractor gonorrhea (seinfeld)
    a-rod upyerpooper
    jalen rosebud
    kobehurtinmyass
    iraqi pataki!

  124. Noah Says:

    Cory Lidle’s Flight Instructor

  125. Luis Bup Says:

    @ noah:

    Cory Lidle’s Co-Pilots wasn’t specific enough for you?

  126. David Says:

    names i’ve gone with:

    Momma’s Bukkake Pie
    Bab’s Uvula (Bill Murray/Gilda Radner SNL skit)

  127. David Says:

    Chris Hansen’s Cockblockers

  128. Damon Says:

    I’ve done well with:
    Homer Pimpson
    Ashy Larry

  129. modthirtyb Says:

    @ bill b

    hands down my favorite. just beautiful

  130. The Seaward Says:

    In the past I’ve gone with shit like Droughns’ Driving Academy and Najeh’s Hamper… then I realized that my team names–not unlike 90% of all Deadspin commenter names–was following the [This guy]’s [that] formula, so I’m trying to move away from possessives this year. I may go with an old standby: The Tony Danzas.

  131. Mike Says:

    - The Bukkake Tsunami
    - Doug Flutie’s Retarded Sons (Not even remotely clever, just awful and wrong in every way)
    - Mark Chmura Day Care
    - Sons of Brady
    - Viva Ron Mexico
    - (Going back to a classic KSK post) Wade Phillips, who the fuck are you?

  132. darth Says:

    The Brady Munch

  133. teacheyd Says:

    Go with Dexter Manley Book Club. Timeless and mean-spirited.

  134. adam Says:

    -2 minute drill w/your mom
    has served me well. Dirty, pun and insult all in one.

  135. Heath Says:

    I dont have the best team names…usually something All-Stars.
    ie Dave Burba’s All Star’s or Ray Finkle’s All Star’s

    My fantasy baseball league is “Roger Dorn Night.” I rather like that one. As in, “is April too early for a Roger Dorn night?”

  136. Jon Says:

    Let’s see… the Atlanta Alpha Dogs are this years sportingnews team.

    Previous years: JD and the Mooks (obscure reference to INXS), the Chefs, the Buckfutters.

    Other Teams: The Japanese Ballslappers (baseball), the Montreal Steak Spice (hockey), the Poop Schrutes (hockey again).

  137. Ryan Says:

    With Another Man’s Testicles.

    So the conversation goes:
    “Who are you playing this week?”

    “I am playing With Another Man’s Testicles this week.”

    That is the only funny thing Bill Simmons ever wrote or said. Although he probably stole it from someone else.

  138. jbpolitsch Says:

    Movie references….

    Mr. Blutarski 0.0
    Abe Froman, Sausage King
    Laces out Marino!
    Eric Stratton “damn glad to meet ya”

  139. TuckPendleton Says:

    Find me one other site on the Internet where you can get a John Cassavetes reference to go with your Hammer makeover reference.

    Well played, Drew. Well played.

  140. Matt Says:

    The past names I have used:

    Feces Pieces
    Ted from Accounting
    Edward Penishands
    The Rural Jurors
    The Lufthansa Heist
    Honey Nut Ichiros
    Vandelay Industries
    Short Bus Rapist

  141. BigRicks Says:

    Holley Mangold’s Gash continues to provide me with pleasure…

    Wait that came out wrong.

  142. Eddiebear Says:

    I may have missed it, but has Will Leitch’s Black Shirt been mentioned?

  143. emc265 Says:

    My old favorite (not too applicable anymore):

    Chiefing the Trent Green

    Some others:

    Vick’s Electricians
    Seventh Floor Crew Alumni
    Ron Mexico and the Drip

  144. Sammy Says:

    Ronnie “Get In Ma” Belliard (Baseball)

    Pigskin Labia’s (football)

  145. MoRic Says:

    The Electric Koolaid Construda Test

    Too nerdy???

  146. pscace Says:

    For baseball: Ugueth’s Vacation Home

  147. Kyle Morehouse Says:

    Taint Misbehavin’

  148. mealticket Says:

    I named my team “with a man’s balls”

    And then every week I’d ask my opponent who he was playing this week.

    Funny

  149. Jeremy Says:

    Pillow Pants

  150. Benjamin Says:

    i went with Phisting Ray Finkle…I had to go with the non phonetic (odd how that word isn’t spelled fo-net-ikly) use of Fisting because the ass blasters at ESPN apparently figured out that there is another use for that word

  151. Michael Says:

    Dirty Gerbils

    Richard Gere

  152. Your 2008 KSK Fantasy Football Team Naming Guide | Kissing Suzy Kolber Says:

    [...] we here at KSK are here to help. Time to bring back our now annual fantasy team naming guide. Tired of naming your team Magic Man And El Diablo, like you do every year? Well, fear not. Once [...]

  153. Duder Says:

    Galloping Dandruff- Check out old episodes of Reno 911 for the meaning

  154. Tyler Durden Says:

    Rape Stand

  155. Jake Says:

    ‘Vick in a box’

  156. Byron Says:

    I like to incorporate coaches and thus far have:

    Jim Mora Cowbell (I’m from Seattle)
    Mike Shanihandjobs
    HermAfrodites (for LJ owners)

    Also tinkering with: Dancing with the SARS

  157. Byron Says:

    Debbie Does Dallas Clark

  158. Blake Says:

    This year’s team: Your GF’s Anal Bead

  159. T-Town Mike Says:

    Faves:

    Chicks Dig Tight Ends
    Global Warming
    Stinky Cheese

  160. DAvid Says:

    how bout thes one the greenbowl packers nice pot reference and clever at the same time

  161. Parker Says:

    I’ve decided on “CLAP! your hands say: Urine Trouble”

    I feel like it’s a solid trifecta: a bad pun with “urine trouble” (read: You’re in Trouble for the slow folks, as in your team is going to lose for the comlplete and utterly retarded kids), a Gonorrhea reference with Clap & urine trouble, and finally incorporating music I actually listen to (Clap your hands say yeah!).

  162. tjones Says:

    Michael Phelps Enjoys Beijing Bukkake

  163. Scotty D Says:

    Great post. Brady Quinn Hand Party is my favorite because he is such a douche.

  164. Steve Says:

    69ers

  165. Ryan Says:

    Team Scoregasm (always scores first)

  166. Ike Says:

    My Dixie Normous

    Urine Trouble

  167. Ike Says:

    Pabst Smear Drippings

  168. Ike Says:

    Paul Brown Stains

  169. Johnny Says:

    My keeper is “Manwhores United Football Club”

    My teenager plays soccer and one day he was talking about the Manchester team & their fanbase. Somehow “Deuce Bigalo” worked his way into the conversation and my team was created.

  170. Ike Says:

    Mother Kannuckers
    Your Mudders Udders
    You Emeka me moist ~Basketball
    Charlie Weis’s Trousers
    Pabst Smear Drippings

  171. AP MVP Says:

    for college famtasy TATEr tots. use if you star me

Leave a Reply