It a little known fact that midgets can’t wipe their own ass because they have those stubby stubby arms. So what’s that ass like? Think, man, think.

You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Bengals players are getting into so much trouble lately just to make people start associating the city of Cincinnati with wanton crime instead of that crappy chili. It’d be a trade-up.

Like this week in lovely Cincinnati. I’ve stayed in my hotel room to avoid being shot, stabbed, and/or mugged by a Bengal. I could use a good midget to help pass the time.

And by the way, Skyline Cincinnati chili sucks my balls. I tried it after all these years of listening to people talk so highly of it, and it completely sucks balls. It’s some of the worst tasting shit I have ever had in my life. It’s so bad, I had to try it again tonight, and a completely different place.

Different joint; same runny, watered down, bland, unimaginative slop. This stuff is so bad that I’ve run out of adjectives to describe it.