Looking Back Through the Months: a KSK Retrospective
The year was 2006. June, if I remember correctly. America was still reeling from the death of Aaron Spelling, and a nation of sports fans grudgingly accepted or loudly brayed against the World Cup. No matter what you did, somebody would claim that you fouled Dwyane Wade. It was a dark time.
Things were pretty shitty in my life, too. I had just bought this laptop with a no-longer-necessary engagement ring fund, and its very first use was to blog about some silly New York escapades that a handful of people from Deadspin enjoyed reading. This was back when your commenting name on Deadspin linked directly to a site, and not your most recent comments. We didn’t even have avatars back then. We had to get by by making funny comments. Hard to imagine that’s ever how it was, but it’s true.
Eventually, the silly New York escapades came to an end, and I said, “Whither to now?” And lo, a guy named Drew who blogged about parenthood said, “Why don’t we start an NFL humor blog? I haven’t seen any good ones.” And I said, “Okay.” So we poached some other fellows from the Deadspin comments and started an NFL humor blog (We have still haven’t seen any good ones).
We did, however, come up with the best name of any blog ever, and — NOTE: gayness ahead — this little website of dick jokes, animal snuff films, laziness, and NFL fandom has, honestly, changed my life. Simply because I spent a couple evenings sitting at home writing about the NFL, I got to quit my mind-numbing temp job to write a sports blog full-time. Now I work from home. Interaction with co-workers has been replaced by KSK email threads, which will eventually be seen as equal to the letters between Thurber and E.B. White. I often start drinking beer before I’m done with work. I make enough money to eat and pay rent, which is a nice change. And most importantly, I masturbate whenever I feel like it.
Anyway, if my sentiment is borderline maudlin, it’s because our very first post was one year ago tomorrow. Yes, KSK’s birthday is June 28th, and we’re gonna have a big ol’ party. Check in frequently, because we invited lots of people, and we’re expecting some big names. And a lot of the people who couldn’t make it sent us really nice cards, which we’ll also be posting. It’s gonna be a blast.
A bukkake blast.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
I’m a little misty. Don’t get flattered. I forgot my Gold Bond this morning.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
With special appearances by:
Jamie Farr!
Leeann Hunley!
Shadoe Stevens!
Henry Chapin!
Tom Bosley!
Kevin Seal!
DJ Dozier!
TV’s “Matt Houston”!
AND Lamb Chop!
Performances by:
Living in a Box!
Curiosity Killed The Cat!
Gerardo!
Martika!
The Escape Club!
AND HOSTED BY THE ONE AND ONLY BILL CULLEN!!!
June 27th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
THE ONE AND ONLY BILL CULLEN!!!
You’re old
June 27th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I weep with tears of joy…..all you need is the theme of Brian’s Song and I think we’d all lose it.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I definitely need to remember my umbrella to protect me from the load… I mean, blast tomorrow.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
martika ! who could forget her classic “toy soldiers” ? however, i think i remember her being somewhat hot.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
The traditional gift for a first anniversary is paper, but I’m not sure how that translates to the paper-free world of the blogosphere. Maybe I’ll get you a series of tubes.
Looking over that first post, I was surprised to see Christmas Ape wasn’t part of the original crew. Was he added later, like Cousin Oliver on the “Brady Bunch” when the original six started getting old and uncuddleable?
June 27th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Congrats on your first anniversary. But when you guys get bought by Six Flags and celebrate your 10000th post with a Footsteps Falco retrospective, I’m outta here.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Where’s my fucking Evite?
June 27th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
on behalf of all the lurkers, congratulations!
June 27th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
The airplane carrying myself, flubby and a Brazilian soccer team crash landed on KSK property in August, Otto Man. The rest is histor–
Okay, okay, I’m getting back to work.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
just think. one year anniversary, that is a lot more anniversaries than most hollywood marriages. be proud ksk.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Nothing makes a meal like caipirinhas and soccer players, Ape. (Stay away from the midfielders, though. They tend to be a little stringy.)
Sorry to have overlooked Flubby’s absence from that first post. His MS Paint skills are so antiquated, I just assumed he’d been here since the dawn of time, like Bob Barker and the wheel.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Congrats gents, but remember– Life can always get worse.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
So when is the exclusive Larry King interview?
June 27th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
I’m thinking of starting a boring NFL blog with some of the worst commenters of KSK.
[thinking]
[thinking]
[thinking]
Never mind, I alreay have one.
Happy premature (ejac) birthday, gentlemen.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Statistically speaking, the life span of the average blog is approximately one year.
Of course, statistically speaking Duante Culpepper is the 5th-best passer in NFL history.
Not sure where I’m going with this.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
I was told there was to be punch and pie
June 27th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
i was told cock and cake will be served and that the cake will not last long.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
if you guys make it to your 70th anniversary, then i’ll be impressed.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
btw, if i was invited to the party i would plan on having cake.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
No special appearance by Wayland Flowers and Madame?
Fuck that.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
so when should we expect advertisements?
I kid, I kid. In seriousness, congratulations. But CC, bring back the cats dressed in clothes.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Possible adjectives for the celebration:
blast-tastic
bukkak-a-rific
Koolaid-a-liscious
June 27th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
“It’s gonna be a blast. A bukkake blast.”
a bukkake birthday blast even
June 27th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Hell of a line-up, BDD. Personally, I can’t wait to see Lamb Chop without that chatterbox Shari Lewis.
If I can make a request: Is there ny chance we’ll finally get to see that much-anticipated Footsteps Falco retrospective? I know there’s no way you can honor all the work of such a prolific poster. But attention must be paid.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
You guys should celebrate with a unnecessary site redesign. May I suggest putting each paragraph on its own page?
June 27th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
-Then tell me, who is
Governor of California in 2006?
-Arnold Schwarzenegger.
-Arnold Schwarzenegger? The actor? Ha!
June 27th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
I dont know what the big deal is about working from home. I masturbate at the office all the time.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
You’ve made my very proud.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
I guess Crystal Gayle was busy
June 27th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Didn’t you guys use to wear onions on your belts?
June 27th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
No Wayland Flowers and Madame, Rob, but we might just get Deney Terrio & Motion.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
I’m thinking of starting a boring NFL blog with some of the worst commenters of KSK
Soooo, a site run by wormfather, bloof, ottoman, and beaverfever is what you’re saying?
June 27th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
thanks for the endorsement sportsgirl365.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Shane “Footsteps” Falco Never Forget.
Despite the embarassing Sugar Bowl loss under the rediculous pseudonym “Johnny Utah”
He still inspired hits like this and more importantly this.
I would argue that the demise of “Footsteps” was the straight equivalent of the death of Princess Diana.
Goodnight sweet prince.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Aw, Happy Birthday KSK - drinks are on me.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Congratulations are in order for 1 full year in the blogosphere entertaining us with pics of hotties, Adventures of the Cumslinger, Mock drafts that dramatically boosted the comment numbers, Mike Vick precautionary tales and even NFL content from time to time.
The 1st post I read was when Eli Manning told you guys he wanted to be a squash player and I’ve been hooked ever since.
1st bukkake blast is on me…wait no not ON me, but, I can deliver the 1st blast or something…
June 27th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Happy Birthday, KSK.
Reading this site may not have taught me anything new about football, but it certainly expanded my knowledge of masturbation, which is important.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
oh, shit - does this mean the “Ladies…” are taking over KSK again tomorrow? Fuck.
June 27th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
I hope Peter King sent a card or makes a guest appearance.
June 27th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
oh, will there at least be an extra-special commenter draft for this Friday?
June 27th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
STOKKAKE!
June 27th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
If you can win a KSK thread, I think SportsGirl365 just did.
June 27th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
i was told there was going to be construda
June 27th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
@pemulis
nice, i just read that in the middle of a phone call with another company and broke out laughing, well done
June 27th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Instead of a Falco retrospective, why not just show us where you buried Falco?
June 27th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
I’m hoping that tomorrow Bill Simmons can bless us with some of his vast NBA or Celtics knowledge.
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!
June 27th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Jesus Tap Dancing Christ!
Clint, FUCKING CLINT(!), was there from the beginning. I just re-read the first post and all the comments and he is there.
Its feels like finding out your parents were watching when you masturbated.
Oh the humanity…
June 27th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
SportsGirl365 I also thank you for your endorsment, but your picks are biased, there’s no chicks and Otto wont go both ways, it’s been tried (we know about that miamidesil).
Also, BBD never has a clue what I’m talking about…and he’s representitive of the whole world
Finally, I still have no idea how this site makes any money. So my blog’s first post would have to be “Primium Content” for insiders only
June 27th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
wormfather,
1. Create snarky but hilarious NFL blog.
2. ???
3. Profit
Yeah, I have no fucking clue how these guys make off of KSK either.
June 27th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
What makes you think we make money?
June 27th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Wow, June 28th, 2006. A date that will live in infamy. How mcuh the world has changed since this august blog first came to be. Gas prices were under $3 a gallon, the President’s approval ratings were at an all-time low, Cal Ripken just eclipsed Lou Gehrig’s consecutive games streak, the Berlin Wall fell, a young Peter King had him first wet dream about Roger Stauback, the telephone was invented, and dinosaurs roamed the Earth.
You’ve cum a long way, bitches!
June 27th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
@UM
You and your friends from the 7th floor crew in your pic appear to be wearing lots of bling, so apparently you make bank off this shit
June 27th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
@UM Plus I see those hot chicks you have hanging around the site on fridays.
“Chicks dig money, at least the types that would double up on a guy like me do”
June 27th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
wow
June 27th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
what does masturbate mean?
June 27th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
No special appearance by Wayland Flowers and Madame?
If s/he’s accompanied by Judy Landers, I’m there! Who cares if she’s pushing 50?
June 27th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
I’m thinking of starting a boring NFL blog with some of the worst commenters of KSK
Soooo, a site run by wormfather, bloof, ottoman, and beaverfever is what you’re saying?
I’m not sure what we did to deserve the honor, but I think I speak of all of us in saying it’s a real honor to have our commenting skills critiqued by someone we’ve never seen before on this site.
June 27th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
In honor of the birthday, how about one of you gets to kiss Namath?
June 27th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Wait, is it birthday or anniversary? Do you feel like you were birthed, or more like you joined in holy matrimony?
June 27th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Yeah otto, I was gonna say that I can see myself in that group, but it’s hard to be pissed when I’m bundled up with the likes of you.
Did that sound gay enough?
June 27th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
i hope sportsgirl365 didn’t scare away bloof
June 27th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
I’m not sure what we did to deserve the honor, but I think I speak of all of us in saying it’s a real honor to have our commenting skills critiqued by someone we’ve never seen before on this site.
Some of us prefer to stay quiet until we actually have something to say.
June 27th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Happy Anniversary, you measty, rumphy bunch of fuckin’ sickos.
I only wish there was a special, intimate performance by The Outfield. or Fine Young Cannibals.
‘haer-haer haer haer-haer’
June 27th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Some of us prefer to stay quiet until we actually have something to say.
Great. Let us know when you get there, sweetheart.
June 27th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Fight! Fight! Fight!
June 27th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Just think of how many semi-productive workers you fellows have reduced to worthless junkies punching ‘F5′ all day like it was delivering a morphine surge.
June 27th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
my money is on otto.
June 27th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Fight! Fight! Fight!
To the convention center!
June 27th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Otto just took it to the HOUUUUUUUUUUSE!
June 27th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
I smell pay-per-view!
With special guest referee Chris Benoit!
June 27th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Wait a second…
I work in an office, and I still jerk the gherkin whenever I feel compelled. There’s something wrong with this?
June 27th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
It’s fitting that these two would become rivals…
June 27th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
sweetheart
Otto breaking out his inner Kornheiser.
June 27th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Otto breaking out his inner Kornheiser.
Alright, now that hurt.
June 27th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
“Looks like there’s gonna be a fight… got a song picked out?”
“HELL YEAH! ‘Street Fighting’ by the Rolling Stones! BEEEE-SEVEN!!!”
“You hit B-9.”
If you like Pina Coladas….
June 27th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Rupert Holmes… OH SHIT
LEMME GET MY BRASS KNUCKLES
June 27th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
This needs to be settled… IN THE VIRTUAL OCTAGON!!!!
June 27th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Will this be a “Falls Count Anywhere Except In Your Mouth” Match?
June 27th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
I just hope I can use my patented back-kicking techniques.
First, you have to shriek like a woman and then keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. And that’s when it’s time to kick some back.
June 27th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Otto Man, quit getting your fucking panties in a bunch. This is the most excitemenent you’ve had all day.
Besides, it beats a bunch of lame asses posting about their verification word.
June 27th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
apropos of nothing, is anyone else completely fucked by the power outages in new york. the 4 5 6 and D trains AND the metro north are apparently fucked up. its like god is begging me to go out drinking after work instead of going home
June 27th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Too bad KSK can only afford a mere hexagon…unless Ufford wants to pool some WL money into buying the other two sides of the ring.
June 27th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Otto Man, quit getting your fucking panties in a bunch. This is the most excitemenent you’ve had all day.
You’re right. In fact, I’d say I haven’t been this excitemened in years.
June 27th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
You know, I just said to myself “Self, there’s a million ways for Otto Man to kick my ass with a great comeback to my last comment. But I’ll bet he calls me on my typo instead”.
June 27th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
If nothing else, I am a lazy, lazy man.
June 27th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Congratulations, gentlemen. For your good works on this Earth, 1,000 virgins are waiting for each of you upon your arrival in heaven*.
*maybe not heaven, but somewhere.
June 27th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
this is awesome
June 27th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
*sniffle* I remember the first time I found this site. It was after the Bears Pats game and it was the birth of the “Sex Cannon”.
June 27th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
@sportsgirl
You know, I just said to myself “Self, there’s a million ways for Otto Man to kick my ass with a great comeback to my last comment. But I’ll bet he calls me on my typo instead”.
Calling someone on a typo is like picking the chick with the lazy-eye up at the bar. Sure, it’s not as satisfying in the end, but hot-damn, banging a lonley chick with a lazy-eye sure is easy.
I feel you Otto. I feel you.
June 27th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
And if anyone brings up ‘lonley,’ I’ll fucking rape you.
June 27th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
Happy birthday, sirs.
For the record, that is the first time I have ever called a blogger “sir”.
June 27th, 2007 at 6:23 pm
Immm so ronrey…
Low hanging fruit, check.
June 27th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
ben, you need to spend more time here
http://nationofislamsportsblog.blogspot.com/
June 27th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Actually, I think the Nation of Islam Sportsblog has this site confused with the letters section of The Economist.
With all the dick jokes over there and the obsession with “American footballers,” who can blame him?
June 27th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Well, again, happy anniversary thing. Thanks for having me over.
(beat) Uh, the cake was good. (long beat) Yeah, good cake. (eyes the door) Well, I gotta’ get going, I got a thing… I’ll see ya’ next year.
June 27th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!
TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!
TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!
TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!
I’m betting Otto gets housed, but in a crafty unforeseen supersecret move, tags Wormfather to finish her off.
Is that sounding too sexual? Sorry, the bukkake has got me excitemenented.
June 27th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
I had excitemenent at about 2:30 this afternoon.
It was a floater, had to flush three times.
i hope sportsgirl365 didn’t scare away bloof
Not a chance. Dude, there is a smackdown forum named after me at Seahawkblue.com. I live for the next insult.
Which is why I married a Raider fan.
June 27th, 2007 at 9:19 pm
when i run through the comments section i feel like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKPQbNoP5_s
June 27th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
i love goooooold
June 28th, 2007 at 12:54 am
Gay alert! I should have just emailed this, but WTF I can take smug comments as well as the next guy. (11 years of marriage pretty much assures that capability.) I found you guys during the Jason Whitlock fallout. Until that point I had been reading SG almost exclusively, but knew something was missing. I found Deadspin, The Big Lead, and KSK (and consequently With Leather.) Apparently the something missing was the word, FUCK. I don’t read SG, anymore. I’ve become a sports fan, again. (Except for the NBA and NHL, they can both lick my shithole. Prewipe. Post steak. (Yeah, I like parentheses. Fuck off.)) Anyway, Happy Birthday KSK Gay Mafia!
BTW, I’m going to participate in my first fantasy football league this year due to your contest. Keep running it, maybe I can qualify in a few decades. Thanks for ruining my marriage….
June 28th, 2007 at 1:18 am
Happy Birthday KSK
June 28th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Wow, this went on for a long time. Sorry I missed the “fight” and the excitemenenent.
Love the hall of fame background. Where’s Ufford’s and BDD’s bust?