Birthday parties were created in the early 1800′s as part of a pagan ritual. Today they have become overly excessive excuses to indulge children with materialistic baubles. Why, TMQ asks, do we not celebrate the person instead of the gifts? KSK, you were brought on this earth by your Lord and Maker, and it is best not to lose sight of that.

And, if you were wondering who the Lord and Maker is, it’s yours truly. I’m so fucking smart I can create matter simply by concentrating.

KSK Errs Near As Often As The August NYT: Often days like this are referred to as “Bukkake Days”, assuming the word bukkake means any sort of group activity. But it does not. Bukkake strictly means group ejaculation on someone buried neck-up in sand. It’s a very narrow definition. TMQ does not like straying outside of boundaries. It is unhealthy. We must follow them or risk being forever a lost generation.

Why O Why Are You Swearing?: TMQ has noticed an incredible amount of profanity on this website. TMQ appreciates that comedy is hard, largely because TMQ wouldn’t know funny from a raccoon’s asshole. But swearing is the lazy man’s way of getting a cheap, easy laugh. Surely, the comedy stylings of Bill Engvall have taught us swearing needn’t be necessary?


I’m Not a Creepy Old Man Because I’m Christian And A Deep Thinker: Today’s cheerbabes are Nikki, Jenny, and Charlotte. Because I only masturbate to partially clothed women instead of fully nude women, I can retain my moral superiority over all of you.

Happy Birthday, KSK. If you stay out past midnight, you’re contributing to the decay of society. There’s no need to assist the Jews in our eventual downfall.