This Week’s KSK Mock Draft: Bands You Would Like To Have Been The Frontman For
Oh c’mon, you didn’t expect us to take a week off without holding a little draft fun, now, did you? Lord knows you folks have earned it. Frankly, I’m stunned and delighted you folks cared that much. After all, reading KSK and NOT reading at all are fairly similar endeavors. To wormfather, otto man, grimey, and the rest of you fabulous KSK commenters out there, thanks for sticking around during a week where we were determined to not do anything at all.
This week’s draft: Bands You Would Like To Have Been The Frontman For. Yes, I just dangled a preposition. Suck my balls. The rules: You can pick any band from any spot in time. This may not be your favorite band, just the band that would promise the awesomest life experience should you be the lucky asshole who fronted it. You sung. And possibly played the lead guitar. You did all the coke. And you accidentally nailed all the tranny groupies. If your frontman died young, so did you. Hip hop bands welcome. No solo artists. Once you pick a band, you must wait 10 picks to select another.
My first pick, of course, is Led Zeppelin. They aren’t my favorite band. But who passes up the chance to violate women with a mud shark like Robert Plant did? No one, that’s who.
And if you can name the band above, you get to bypass the 10-choice rule to make your next pick. But beware: I’ll be picking them very soon. Because they fucking rule.
And if you pick REM, you are a fucking pussy.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, ksk commenter drafts, we have the best commenters on the internet
May 24th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Goddammit, Drew, you’re too good–you knew we’d all click on the picture to see if that would give us a hint.
Anyway, after much thought I’m going to pick Guns N Roses. I’d love to go through life throwing tantrums, doing that weird snake dance, blowing off shows, look like a dreadlocked Mark McGwire, make people wait fifteen years for a follow-up record, and just one chance to scream from the stage in front of 50,000 drunk Europeans “DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOU’RE IN THE JUNGLE, BABY! AND I CAN STILL BANG MODELS!”
May 24th, 2007 at 7:21 pm
Black Sabbath leaving me as Ozzy Osbourne. Who doesn’t want to piss on Texas? And eat bats. And choke my wife. Plus, you took Led Zeppelin already, you bastard.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
The Rolling Stones
May 24th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
John Lennon, because I have always wanted to be bigger than Jesus.
And if you say Paul was the leader of the Beatles I will fucking cut you.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
The Who. Nobody rocks like The Who.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Parliament/Funkadelic
I can’t think of much that would be more fun than that.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
fuck
May 24th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Aerosmith
No fucking doubt.
bonus points for still being alive
May 24th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Queen! I don’t care if Freddie was gay, he was the fucking man. And I’ve always wanted to rock out on “Another One Bites The Dust”.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
The Black Crowes.
PS: I think the mystery band is The Replacements.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
The doors, because i like being naked in public
May 24th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
The Time….they all could play, were funky as hell, got the Prince falloff and you have a valet on stage in Jerome. And you didn’t need to sing well to do it.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Oooh, someone picked the Time. Very nice.
I do believe I’ll be selecting Roth-era Van Halen next.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Even though Roth is clearly gay.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Spinal Tap. The thought of simply exploding on stage puts this one over the top. Goodnight Cleveland!!
May 24th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Pearl Jam…
Being the guy who drinks on stage…mumbles the stories behind every song and getting laid by any girl you see fit…Sounds good to me
May 24th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
so am i the only one whois taking rappers.
I am totally not doing a break down for this by the way
OK mine would be
Jay-Z
Saigon
Bon Jovi
Springstein
(Yes i am from jersey why do you ask?)
Lil Wayne
May 24th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Fucking Metallica. Fuck Yeah. I actually got a pick I wanted in one of these instead of some BS value pick late in a round
May 24th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Pink Floyd.
Who else got away with THAT many drugs and THAT much craziness? Besides the Beatles possibly. And Zeppelin.
BDD - is that Pearl Jam in the photo?
May 24th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
the grades for last draft can be found at my blog, just click my name you will find it if you want.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
U2. Who cares if Bono is a self-righeous ass; I wanna rock out on a downtown rooftop until the LAPD shows up to shut me down.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
larry burns- no solo artists allowed, these are bands. bruce and bon jovi work but you have to pick one of them.
Seeing as how it’s been ten picks, I’m taking The Jimi Hendrix Experience.
as my other band once said, I hope I die before I get old.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
I did not read the rules at first:
g-unit
drama kings
abandoned nation
dipset
May 24th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
hey um to be fair you took a girl last draft if i remmeber. and i just modified, i take those since no one else is going rap here.
my order would be
1.dipset (for lil wayne)
2. abandoned nation(for siagon)
3. drama kings (for papoose)
4. g unit (for yayo)
May 24th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
pirate sloth- there are a few others depending on what you meant by “get away with”
May 24th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
BDD - that’s not Sugar in the photo, is it?
May 24th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
1st pick: Creedence CLearwater Revival. I don’t care how bad Fogerty sounds today.
May 24th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
and i rescinded that pick.
weezy is Cash Money not Dipset, he’s from New Orleans not Harlem like Cam’ron.
take some time, compose yourself.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
motorhead
May 24th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Damnit, I got to go board my plane. I’m gonna just drop 2 bands right quick, before flying home.
- Motley Crue
- Beastie Boys
For Beastie, its just the sheer fun of being a Beastie.
For Motley Crue - 80’s hair rock bands nailed every single groupie that threw pussy at them - and these 4 did it more than anyone else.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
2nd pick, since the Beasties are taken, I will go with the Police.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
larry burns. are you fucking retarded? pick ONE band.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
and the drama king is kayslay!
May 24th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
AC/DC. Although being Bon would be nice if I was feeling a little warm today, I’d want to be Angus.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers for Pick #2. I may be too high to make the rest of my picks.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
Three Six Mafia. Why? Have you seen adventures in Hollyhood. Funniest show ever. Especially when they brought out that white guy with the mean dustasche
May 24th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
I rescind my previous pick and take Cream.
Man did Clapton do his best work when he was strung out on heroin
May 24th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Digital Underground.
Yep, it’s a stretch in the early rounds, the kids will be re-discovering my one song for years to come. Plus in a 69 my Humpty nose will tickle your rear.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Oasis. I get to be a giant waste of talent and it’s totally acceptable. I also get to be a complete prick to everybody for as long as I damn well please.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:29 pm
ABBA. Not as gay as you think, Bjorn Ulvaeus plowed through the Blond on the way to an unending supply of Sweden’s Finest - and still has brain cells left.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
good oasis pick, shoopmonster, but i’ll see your cocky brits and raise (lower?) you over a decade in years and call arctic monkeys. not the greatest band in the world, but to be 21ish and having the press calling your first album one of the top ten british albums of all time? that has a lot of possibilities.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
devang- absolutely, but bruce did the singing for Cream
I’ll take Bob Marley and the Wailers
May 24th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Skynnyrd,
but I wish I could be Artemus Pyle instead of Ronnie Van Zant.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
3rd pick…I take the Pussycat Dolls…just for the geometric possibilities. And as trade bait maybe.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Bad Brains
May 24th, 2007 at 9:38 pm
3rd pick: Tenacious D. Taking Spinal Tap in round 1 so smart I refuse to verbally concede it. Oh, wait.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:38 pm
The Clash
May 24th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
Fuck UM, you’re right!! I’ll still take them. Clapton was THE MAN!!
Didn’t Winwood do “Can’t find My way home”?
May 24th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
I <3 Ape!
May 24th, 2007 at 9:41 pm
2nd pick Allman Brothers.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
devang- Winwood was in Clapton’s other power-trio aptly named Powerhouse
May 24th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
ten pick buffer zone must be observed
May 24th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
UM, thanks. I’m losing it tonight.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
REM
Fuck you, Drew.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Iggy Pop and the Stooges. I have no idea how he is still alive, but there’s a great story of him getting cut by broken glass during a performance and squirting blood all over the place. Nobody rocks as hard as Iggy and he even looks like he’s rocked too hard.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
KISS- I couldn’t imagine anything being more fun than being that over the top and that ridiculous.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
311 - Nick Hexum
He banged Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls before she was famous, not to mention the copious amounts of booze, weed, psuedo hippy chick groupies, etc.
And they have a great live show.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Jefferson Airplane. Always a shaky group but Marty Balin was there when it mattered.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Also, fuck Larry Burns for:
(a) a complete incapability to follow SIMPLE rules
(b) giving me a C+ because he’s gay for Bono and Zach Braff
(c) seriously, could the rules BE any simpler?
May 24th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
iron maiden ! eddie lives.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Rob,
He also gave Jersey a bad name.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
4th pick…the Eagles…they did enough drugs in the 70’s to run with any group and they are still around.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
No Doubt, just so I could sex up Gavin Rossdale without fear of serving jail time.
Whoever could pull him out of me would be crowned King of England. Mmm hmmm…
May 24th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
khungus- and to think you were off to such a promising start.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:04 pm
sometimes it takes me a minute to remember that bulger in my pants isn’t a dude.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
I was going to pick No Doubt so that I could say that I have touched Gwen Stefani’s naughty bits.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
UM - Maybe I should have a boob icon to help you remember?
May 24th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
Maybe I should have a boob icon to help you perverts?.
Fixed.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
The E-Street Band. Hey, I’m King of New Jersey!
May 24th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
couldn’t hurt
May 24th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
wolfmother-
I wouldn’t mind fucking shredding and pretending I’m bat shit insane for my wage 3 hours a night. Their lead singer changes guitars after everysong and says shit like this, ” ‘elo buhmeenghum, some of you have been there before. the wolfmother certainly has. This song is called “flight of the eagle.” Then the guitar tech hands him a white double strat.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
No one, really!?!? Ok, I’ll do it.
3rd pick Nirvana
So what if I had to bang Courtney Love and off myself? Argue with me all you want, but Nirvana changed the face of music. You say Pearl Jam, I say Nirvana.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
no one, really?
Violent Femmes.
everyone of you mother-fuckers knows every word to Kiss Off, Blister in the Sun, etc.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Elvis Costello and the Attractions
I want to be brash and cocky and Irish and then go on to record easy listening records with Burt Bacharach.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:26 pm
Thin Lizzy. I get to be a man of dark complexion (which I’m not) who is Irish (which I’m also not) and I get to play the bass player (which, again, I’m not).
May 24th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
my bad wit weezy
io took multiple bands cause i figured no one would take those,
kayslay is the ‘label’ under whihc papoose is. although he has never had an official album.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Sure, Nirvana changed the face of music. We went from celebrating guys who did blow and fucked bitches to tortured artist pussies who majored in English at Sarah Lawrence and wine about being misunderstood. Picking Nirvana is a pick for Moby. Cobain tured are front men into weirdo pussies.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
I’m not sure how far Drew’s rules extend… but I’m tempted to say N*SYNC — Britney in her prime, then a solo album before nailing Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel.
It would be worth the ignominy of the music.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
rob i tht was my view i happen to love US if you hate them i can see where you are coming from, i did not follow the rules because id did not fele like continuosly checking my bad on that.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Talking Heads.
David Byrne gets away with some weird shit.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Damn you CC, that was my next pick.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
ignore my previous picks i rescind them all starting again.
abandoned nation.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
I don’t give a shit about his self loathing angst. I just liked the fact that he used it as fodder for some pretty good music.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
5th pick - Earth, Wind and Fire.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
I’ll take Sly and the Family Stone.
Name the lead of another band that had more fun and showed up to roughly 25% of his concerts. I love that crazy bastard.
for the record drama king is kayslay’s nickname because his mixtapes are the conduit for all the drama between rappers.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
if you want weird - Jane’s Addiction.
Yeah, Perry’s a weird dude, but he’s got his own summer festival that’s filled with drugged-out neo-hippie chicks.
or you could be Dave Navarro - talk about weird! but he banged Carmen Electra AND Jenna Jameson.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
UM i am aware that is why i used that name instead of kayslay, as drama king was the name under which more of it is published, but this is a sports blog and this is inane pointless argument which i may have been wrong about, so therefore if i am wrong my bad if i was right who cares.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
The band in the picture is Husker Du, no?
And I would probably choose to front the Pixies.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
Green Day.
Write some kick ass songs, get college pussy. Then write some kick ass songs with political overtone and get some 1970’s bush, granola pussy.
But as a wise man once said. “The worst pussy I had, was still pretty good.”
May 24th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
fair enough.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
g-dnm it peple hurry up and pick i don’t want to break the rules… again.
i gotta go to sleepm, ok everyone make fun of me but i am in highschool/ have to dress up tommorw/ have 2 tests/ am fucking tired from staying up late last night doing grading for last weeks draft.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
Yep, these are your commenters!
May 24th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Nine Inch Nails . . . you get to bang hot chicks over a span of
three different decades.
Smash tons of shit on stage and go completely out of your mind in the 90’s, then say you’ve cleaned yourself up in the 2000’s, all the while screwing the rest of the touring band out of any money they deserved. That would be hot!
May 24th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
Husker Du rocks. The Pixies were good, but I heard Black Francis is a pretentious prick, and he banged Kim Deal and she’s a dog.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
4th pick: Journey. Don’t stop believin that you can hook up with desperate 20-somethings trying to relive their high school days. Hold on to that feelin…
May 24th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
Alice Fuckin’ Cooper-
Invented shock rock, decapitated himself on stage, drug and alcohol addictions, got laid a lot, hung out w/ Lou Reed, mentored Dave Mustaine of Megadeth - who could shred harder than metallica, was funny in Wayne’s World and finally his dick went soft and still is whipping everybody’s ass in golf. I performed a guerilla show for him with my college band and he told me one day maybe his band will open up for my band. Our bass player lives in Mexico now, so it didn’t happen.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Buddy Holly and the Crickets
My death will be widely considered the end of rock and roll and I will be immortalized in song by Weezer and on film by Gary Busey.
If I’m going down, I’m going down IN FLAMES.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
The White Stripes.
In between the rock-groupie cuteness of Meg White and the iffy hookups with Renee Zellweger and Karen Elson, Jack White must have scored amazing tail. More importantly, at this moment in time no human on Earth shreds the axe like he does.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:04 pm
Red Hot Chili Peppers
get to wear a sock as your only item of clothing and still be cool.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
If anyone takes Blue Oyster Cult (MORE COWBELL LOLLERSKATES) I will reach through the Internet and tear your larynx out.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:06 pm
Sex Pistols
Fuck you, you Nancys.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:08 pm
On the hip/hop side I’d have to say De La Soul or A Tibe Called Quest.
And the drummer’s the one of the Pixies that pisses me off. Just seems like a pretentious bastard.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
ape, enjoy your newly curvaceous spine and extreme vision.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
I’m taking Rare Essence.
If you know you know, if you don’t you don’t.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
wait a minute… the rules said “hip-hop bands” so…
The Roots.
I think I win.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
I’m a little late to the party but I think I am ending up with 2 steals.
1) Wu Tang Clan
2) Rage Against the Machine
May 24th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Wu-Tang Clan . . . for some reason white girls throw themselves all over these guys.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:19 pm
WTF!?!?
May 24th, 2007 at 11:19 pm
I personally detest them, but they really raked in the tail in the 80s and 90s.
Motley Crue.
Is it necessary for me to list Tommy Lee’s ‘accomplishments’?
May 24th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
N.W.A.
Cuz the only thing better than a band that gets chicks is a band that scares chicks AND gets chicks.
I also claim Ice Cube as the front man. Not Dre or Easy E.
Someone is going to get KC and the Sunshine band and it’s going to be the sleeper pick o’ the century!
May 24th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
New Kids On The Block . . . all girls between 13-30 at my disposal from 1989-1993. Then go on to produce behind the scenes and still bang uber-ass. The corniness, cheesiness, and complete gay-ness are major drawbacks, but it will all soon be forgotten when a massive train is being run on the tour bus.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Poison
I would take Bon Jovi for the massive amounts of money and the perfectly flocked hair, but JBJ has always been faithful to his wife.
Bret Michaels, however, just wanted to fuck teenage groupies.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
@ rob i
nice pick
With my thir pick I select REO Spe … shit what the fuck am I thinking … I select The Drop Kick Murphy’s (for some reason chicks dig the accordion)
May 24th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
STYX - Welcome To The Grand Illusion
May 24th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
velvet underground:
gang banging niko, a european model and holocaust survivor, must have been satisfying, and inventing alternative rock must feel pretty good, too.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
good pick rick. they were on my list.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
Murph and The Magic Tones - Nothing like scoring with the lonely chicks at The Holiday Inn
May 24th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
The Meters
May 24th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Foo Fighters
May 24th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
actually Winwood and Clapton were in my pick
Blind Faith
along with Ginger Baker on Drums
May 24th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
The Revolution
come on people, step it up!
May 24th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
Why would anyone want to be Clapton? Who gives a fuck if he can play? He plugged into the marshall stack and rode the lightning, but he still was a heroin freak and his best work was about how he wished he could fuck George Harrison’s wife.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:49 pm
Limp Biz … damn it there I go again … what I meant to say was Sublime
May 24th, 2007 at 11:49 pm
Keeping in line with the whole punk thing, NOFX . . . “Oy, Oy, Where the brews?”
May 24th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
jammq- i’ll take dc punk over san fran punk any day.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
clinton portis likes san fran punk more. Provides a better ambiance for the dogfights.
May 24th, 2007 at 11:56 pm
yeah right, Minor Threat is real dogfight music. besides, clinton’s from the mississipp
May 24th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
Bee Gees
I get all the 70s Free Love pussy I want while making tons of disco cash, then move behind the scenes to cowrite and produce stupid pop songs that rake in dough for the rest of my life. Plus, my falsetto is better than anyone’s normal voice, so eat that!
Opi = winner
May 25th, 2007 at 12:02 am
Keep it up and I’ll steal fugazi with the next pick.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:02 am
btw, this artists work was on display at a friend’s gallery a few months back. if you like the 80’s punk scene in dc (henry rollins / ian mackaye) you might want to check it out if you like the idea of henry rollins working at hagen dazs
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2007/02/07/DI2007020701569.html
May 25th, 2007 at 12:04 am
note: i do not condone the straightedge lifestyle in any way shape or form.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:05 am
Genesis, Peter Gabriel Genesis of course.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:19 am
the beach boys. 60s chicks in bikinis? Fuck yes. I bet they wrecked more pussy than the ladies from whippedass.com.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:19 am
Fuck this, I need to go to bed. I’m making my next pick. Nobody is going to want this group anyway(too black for KSK) . . . The Commodores.
Get all that 1970’s free love ass, then go on to a successful solo career as Lionel Richie in the ’80’s, with all the hookers, blow and booze you could ask for.
Of course it all comes back on you in the end and you end up with Nicole Richie for a daughter, because karma’s a bitch.
Good to have you KSK guys back. Night.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:30 am
(too black for KSK)
are you new?
May 25th, 2007 at 12:32 am
Berlin, just so I can fuck Terri Nunn.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:48 am
Public Enemy….the most important rap group in its history.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:09 am
Fuck Fuck and Fuck again. What the hell, I missed a mock draft?
Dammit all to hell.
OK, since I missed like 140+ picks, I think I’m entitled to make 3 picks at 1:00am.
1) Living Colour - Cult of Personality Bitches!
2) Pantera - speed metal = plenty of poon tang
3) The Crystal Method - That track on the Matrix is borderline rave music and in all raves are X’d out chicks = plenty of tang.
Good night Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome back Gay Mafia.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:10 am
drive by truckers- just because it would be fun to sing about growing up in north alabama, where i’m from.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:15 am
Rare Essence = Go-Go Music = Cowbells down on the farm.
Wow, you are definitely from DC.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:20 am
Not sure how they got this far down, but ZZ Top is a steal. Those beards must be filled with stories of women.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:26 am
two catch up picks:
1) Weezer
2) Linkin Park
May 25th, 2007 at 1:36 am
Brooklyn boy has the worst pics so far. You must absolutely hate music. Did you read the rules? It wasn’t list two shitty bands.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:49 am
bargain of the draft:
PEARL JAM
bitches!
May 25th, 2007 at 1:53 am
Late to the party. Fuck.
Give me the Minutemen. If they’re taken and I missed it, then the Afghan Whigs, please.
May 25th, 2007 at 2:05 am
@don’t you judge me
I already picked the Crue - you can’t have them.
My next pick:
Tool
I can;t fucking believe no one picked Tool. I’d get to work with the best voice in Rock.
May 25th, 2007 at 2:27 am
Ok, so I’m a little late to the draft, but I think my pick is not only great value, but one of the best picks overall:
Def Leppard
Super hot trim on both sides of the Atlantic, great cheesey songs (and by great I mean shitty), and constant joke material due to your handi-capable drummer.
May 25th, 2007 at 2:28 am
I don’t know shit about music, so I’m a little out of my element with this draft. That said, as its late at night (and I’ve been a true soldier throughout the Gay Mafia’s hiatus this week), and the Wu-Tang Clan (my favorite group ever) and the Jimi Hendrix Experience (I’ve always dreamed of playing Machine Gun in a packed club) are off the board, I’m taking some other classics — Sugarhill Gang (Rapper’s Delight - ’nuff said), Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five (The Message - ’nuff said), and Run DMC (Run DMC - ’nuff said). Also, as my sleeper pick, I’m taking J.D. and the Straight Shot. For those of you who have no idea who the fuck that is, that’s James Dolan’s shitty-shitty blues group. Why do I pick them you ask? Because as much as I hate that fat fuck Dolan, the man OWNS THE FUCKING NEW YORK KNICKS (not to mention Madison Square Garden, the New York Rangers, and Cablevision). My greatest dream in life is to own the Knicks, and that dumb dick has them, ergo, I pick his group.
I just got back from an early showing of Pirates of the Caribbean - At World’s End. My advice to those of you who liked the first two movies? Watch the first two movies again this weekend, then make up your own ending to the series and pretend the third movie never happened (and if you didn’t like the first two - kill yourself). I’ll admit the third one had the charm of the first two in certain spots, but overall, it was a rambling, incoherent mess, just a fucking train-wreck of a movie, and a real waste of damn near three hours. In essence, its the latest third movie in a trilogy to be a huge letdown (following in the footsteps of recent busts like X-Men 3, Spiderman 3, Shrek 3, Terminator 3, Matrix Revolutions, and past disasters like Godfather III and Karate Kid III). In fact, that could be a good draft - third parts of trilogies that didn’t blow. My pick? Probably Lord of the Rings - Return of the King. Rocky III doesn’t count because the Rocky series now goes six movies deep, and the only other one that comes to mind at 2:30 in the morning is Shaft in Africa (can you really go wrong with a movie named Shaft in Africa?).
Glad to see KSK paid attention to our agony this week, and finally acknowledged our suffering and threw us a bone. And with that, I’m out.
May 25th, 2007 at 3:10 am
Well, I know I took the Beatles more than six hours ago and missed about six rounds, so going shopping was a mistake. (And I am royally pissed that I people took Tool, Fugazi, the Black Crowes, PE, and the Roots. Especially Fugazi - that was going to be MY steal.)
And since I am posting after a fucking PotC review, I am taking three - you fuckers are sleeping.
Public Image Ltd. (Survive the punk movement - 80’s free sex pre-AIDS - have hit song remade in 2006 by hot skanky French chicks)
Fishbone (Get a cool cane)
The Go-Gos - Lots of sex and coke with John Belushi. Hot.
May 25th, 2007 at 3:58 am
With my fifth and final pick, I go with Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. Really? You all picked the Pussycat Dolls before the Queen of Rock? Pathetic. This woman consumed enough alcohol and drugs to keep a South American country afloat for decades.
To recap:
1) CCR
2) Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
3) Tenacious D
4) Journey
5) Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Folk heroes, pot smokers, joke artists, 80s legends, and the top bitch. I retire in peace.
May 25th, 2007 at 4:36 am
Top four value picks of this draft thus far were Beatles (clearly should have be 1), Def Leopard, Chili Peppers, and U2 (should have been second pick. Since I have missed like 200 picks, I am taking three, and I believe I win: (1) Phish, (2) Grateful Dead, (3) The Band. Plus my bonus pick: Black Flag. Talk about 4 bands that have enormous cult followings, do things their own way, and fucking do every drug known to man.
May 25th, 2007 at 4:39 am
Wait, drop The Band, they are awesome but I just love that one song. My third pick instead is OUTKAST. I win 100%. Andre 3000 is cool as… [insert retarded sports center metaphor here]
May 25th, 2007 at 6:56 am
Fuck, someone took Def Leppard. Well played.
And whoever guessed Husker Du gets a bonus pick.
I’ll be taking Queens of the Stone Age now.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:58 am
@ Unsilent Majority- I don’t think I’m too off the mark in saying The Commodores may be too black a pick for many KSK commenters to pick, considering that someone thought Lil’ Wayne was part of Dipset, and Artic Monkeys got taken before Wu-Tang. And no I’m not new.
@miamidiesel- Fugazi is still on the board, I didn’t actually take them.
With that said, with the first pick on Day 2 of the KSK Mock Draft I select The Black Eyed Peas, just so I can look at Fergie’s ass.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:59 am
oops . . . with the second pick, see above.
May 25th, 2007 at 7:06 am
nah dude i didn’t think lil wayne was dipset, i typed that cause i was typing fas/was not thinking/am an idiot. but yes the commodores probably are too black for ksk.
has anyone taken the temptations?
May 25th, 2007 at 7:33 am
Creed, cause you get all the perks but you don’t have all those pesky chores, like ‘making decent albums’, ’sounding good’ or ‘not being a total douche’
May 25th, 2007 at 7:43 am
Dave Matthews Band
I’ll be despised by music critics, adored by idiot frat boys, and lusted after by 20 year old girls everywhere.
May 25th, 2007 at 7:52 am
I take The Grateful Dead because hippies are fun. And my entire life would consist of hanging out with/being a god to hippies. Plus longetivity has to count for something in this draft.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:17 am
Going out of the box, cause I’m late to the party-
I’ma be Gord Downie of the Tragically Hip.
Why, you ask?
1) They really do kick serious ass live.
2) Killer Whale Tank.
3) You have an entire rabid country of fans at your back. Sure, that country is Canada, but still- rabid fans.
4) All the good ones were taken.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:29 am
vitalogist- you were only about six hours late
to recap
1. the who
2. hendrix
3. marley
4. jefferson airplane
5. sly stone
6. rare essence
7. prince and the revolution
and my final pick…
8. the ramones
May 25th, 2007 at 8:44 am
Was Not Was
May 25th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Motorhead! If Lemmy can get laid, that’s a cadilac I’d like to take for a nice long ride!
May 25th, 2007 at 9:02 am
I know I’m all over the place but what can I say I have an eclectic music taste. With my fifth pick I take Skid Row cause it’s 18 and life to go. That leaves me with
1) Wu Tang
2) Rage Against the Machine
3) The Dropkick Murphy’s
4) Sublime
5) Skid Row
I’m done for now but may make a couple supplemental steals picks later in the day.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:09 am
GWAR.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:12 am
Queen.
Say what you want, they put on a hell of a show.
Plus, I already have the porn mustache, the leather gear, and the penchant for rough trade.
And yes, ladies, I’m still single…
May 25th, 2007 at 9:12 am
The Faces
I win.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:15 am
I’m going to take Nickelback. Here’s why:
The lead singer is a certified douche. He needs replaced by something; anything really. Might as well be me.
The rest of the band are also Massengill Men. It’s almost like hanging out with a fat dude. I’m going to look that much better when standing next to them.
And then, they sell a lot of records and tickets to hot chicks with no brains who would be easy to hook up with and kick them out of the bus afterward.
The only drawback to this pick would be having to live with no soul and remove any hearing mechanisms my body has developed to deal with the godawful music.
Oh well, I’ll get one of my dumb hoes to translate for me.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:17 am
My fifth and final pick:
Stevie Ray Vaughn
No, he is not a solo artist. He had SRV and Double Trouble. Why Stevie? Well, even though I die early, I will be known as one of the best (if not THE best) guitarists who ever lived. Who will be used by countless numbers as inspiration to pick up a guitar and start playing.
To recap my 5 -
1) Pink Floyd
2) Motley Crue
3) Beastie Boys
4) Tool
5) SRV and Double Trouble
I have some sleeper picks that I just can not believe have been dropped.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Can we start a ban on people saying their musical taste is ‘eclectic’ and then listing the same shitty bands every single dirtbag white dude in America likes?
May 25th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Any band Frank Sinatra was in.
by the way… I win.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:19 am
Hootie & the MotherFuckin’ Blowfish:
I may suck at music, but I’d be a damn site awesome at life. I’d have made a shit-ton of money 13 years ago from one song. Now all I have to do is play one show a year, do a special for the Golf Channel, and drink beer on the beach all day. yep.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:22 am
Radiohead
To make up for my last crapola pick. I’ll have a wonky eye and basically be a shut-in, but I’ll be an artistic genius so go fuck yourself.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:23 am
and… just to comply with the rules.. I will go with “The Tommy Dorsey Band” so I am naming a band, and not just a solo artist.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:25 am
Prince and the New Power Generation.
…Seriously, no one? It’s friggin’ Prince, yo.
Sleeper Pick? The Replacements.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:32 am
maggie wins.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:33 am
How the fuck did I end up late to this.
Incubus, I’d get to smoke weed all day and fuck hot cali chicks all night, and if I got bored I coudl go surfing with the band.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:34 am
social distortion. great band.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:41 am
I’m gonna pick Stone Temple Pilots - I don’t mind being thought of as one of the best rock singers of the 90’s and spending most of my time getting wasted, getting caught, rehabbing, putting out an album, getting wasted, getting caught, rehabbing, putting out and album, getting wasted, getting caught, rehabbing, putting out and album, getting wasted, getting caught, rehabbing, putting out and album, getting wasted, getting caught, rehabbing, putting out and album,
May 25th, 2007 at 9:44 am
Aerosmith sucks balls. I can’t believe anyone would pick them that early.
No bonus points for receiving social security and wearing leather pants at the same time.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:58 am
Hey, Larry Burns, booo-fucking-hooo. You want to know what tired is… I’m tired because I have a ‘drinking problem’ that often finds me blacked-out on Wednesday nights.
Seriously, how damn hard is it to make ONE pick at a time folks.
Assuming no one has picked this group yet, I’ve got to go with Wu-Tang. Why? Because then I’d get to say shit like this on an album:
“I’ll fuckin, I’ll fuckin sew your asshole closed, and keep feeding you and feeding you, and feeding you, and feeding you”
May 25th, 2007 at 10:03 am
Only a day late or so, but here goes:
1) THE CARS
never mind the music (yeah, i’ve only heard “Drive”, and I’m not interested in hearing any more of that kind of bull), but Ric Ocasek met, plowed, and later married Paulina Porizkova in her prime.
Also, Ocasek probably had some groupie tail earlier, and was married twice before this lady.
Saw Paulina on Colbert Report some time ago and she is still hot. There’s something about russian ladies that can’t be described.
I bet the couple even has some $$$ in the bank, since paulina was a super model and ric was/is a singer/producer.
Naptown drew, nice choice, since you got the former creed pick with it. In my opinion, they’re the same band, disagree if you will. Just wait for my next pick…
Still waiting for some sick, twisted fuck to pick the jackson five.
May 25th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Going with Interpol. Glamorous indie rock and roll, indeed.
May 25th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Oh my God how did Prince fall that far. Hail Maggie.
May 25th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Santana Blues Band. I’d get to be Carlos. How cool would that be?
Awesome that The Time was drafted so high. Great pick..I’m jealous
May 25th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Boogie Down Productions. How could anyone forget the crew from the South Bronx, the south, south bronx?
To them I’m like an idol
some type of entity
In everybody’s rhyme they wanna mention me?
Or rather mention us, me or scott la rock
But they can get bust get robbed, get dropped
I dont play around nor do I f*** around
And you can tell by the bodies that are left around
When some clown jumps up to get beat down
Broken down to his very last compound
See how it sounds? a little unrational
A lot of mcs like to use the word dramatical!
Fresh for 88, you suckas…
I WIN!!!!
May 25th, 2007 at 10:41 am
How the fuck did I get DURAN DURAN with the ~200th pick. All their fans were girls!
Winner, winner. Chicken dinner.
May 25th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Hatebreed
May 25th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Long time reader, first time poster. But I was compelled…
The Yardbirds
I get to share a stage with Beck, Page, AND Clapton, and my band is mentioned in all Zeppelin discussions?
I’m okay with that. I’m not okay with the 1990’s era version. By then, I’m out.
May 25th, 2007 at 11:08 am
@ Sam I
Because you are an uneducated douche and don’t know the difference between Eclectic and Eccentric let me shine some light on the subject for you.
Eclectic - adjective - selecting what seems best of various styles or ideas
Eccentric - adjective - deviating from the recognized or customary character, practice, etc.; irregular; erratic; peculiar; odd: eccentric conduct; an eccentric person.
So in conclusion if I had I called my music taste and my picks Eccentric you would have an argument. However the fact that my picks spanned various music genres as well as eras I would claim that using the word eclectic would be more then appropriate.
May 25th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Godspeed! You Black Emperor (or wherever they have the exclamation point these days).
May 25th, 2007 at 11:54 am
mr irrevalent picks……
IRON BUTTERFLY!!!!
1 song, you didn’t have to know what the words are & the drummer gives you enough time to go off stage an f**k a groupie or two
May 25th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
I pick 2 Live Crew circa 1990 and I’ll be Luke. Tell me that mo’fucka didn’t bang mad ho’s, do mad blow, smoke mad weed and fuck up the nation in a skillet.
Didn’t see anyone guess Drew’s pick. That’s QOTSA, right?
May 25th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Bad Company… how is this still on the board?!. Paul Rogers, while having one of the greatest rock voices ever, got Jimmy Page castoffs early in his career, plenty of his own worthy action after that, then gets to front Queen and whoever he wants. MAJOR VALUE PICK.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
At the Drive-In
Badass afro? Check.
Crazy stage antics? Check.
Incoherent lyrics? Check.
(Next pick = Jawbreaker… just because I dig ‘em)
May 25th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Being that everyone decided to abandon this draft for the beer one I am just gonna make a grip of picks.
In addition to Hatebreed
1. Fishbone
2. Bad Religion
3. Dru Hill
4. Murphy’s Law
5. Biohazard
6. Alkaholiks
7. Heiroglyphics
8. Sunny Day Real Estate
May 25th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
OK…I’ve waited my 10 picks.
For my second pick, I’ll be Gavin Rossdale of BUSH.
I’m good looking, british, and successful. I bang lots of chicks and eventually marry Gwen “legs for weeks” Stefani. Good times indeed.
1. Duran Duran (Simon LeBon)
2. Bush (Gavin Rossdale)
I’ve got other picks lined up, but I’m going to attempt to follow the rules. However, at 5pm I’m unloading my free agent stockpile.
May 25th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
I took Prince and the Revolution before Maggie took Prince and the New Power
May 25th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
I’ll grab Coldplay - personally I think Gwyneth is highly overrated, but being jovial shoe gazers that care about my fellow man has to add up to a lot of save the world type poontang.
May 25th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
@chris
At the Drive-In
Badass afro? Check.
Crazy stage antics? Check.
Incoherent lyrics? Check.
for those precise reasons, i’ll take the mars volta. same frontman and awesomeness.
May 25th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
also, since i’m late i want to make another pick
bright eyes
i fucking hate bright eyes. let me say that first, but all the girls love him and i can do whatever drugs i want. hell, i even get called a musical and lyrical genius up with bob dylan even though i suck. it’d be nice.
May 25th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Buckcherry. I can’t believe no one took this yet.
May 25th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
As an Australian I have to nominate Radio Birdman. They invented punk, fought the power, destroyed the Paddington Town Hall, showed up the Clash, and left behind the two most powerful records of the 1970s.
May 25th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Stayin’ with the latin flavor..my 2nd pick–Mana. Chicks dig the front man, and the jam. And while I’m here, I’ll choose Sade’s band -Sweetback. Not only did Maxwell show up and front for a song,(ladies love dude) but there’s a possibility of gettin’ some from superfine Sade.
..and throw in Bell Biv Devoe and Jodeci picks in 1991 or so.
May 25th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
My first supplemental pick in the draft: The Count Basie Orchestra. THE original big band jazz group. A softer side to balance out my draft.
May 25th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
I started this and let a bunch of picks go by, so I’ll pick again:
The Go-Go’s. I can totally dance like Belinda Carlisle and they filmed themselves with male groupies and made Joan Jett look like a Mormon re: drugs and booze.
May 25th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
1. DURAN DURAN (simon lebon)
2. BUSH (gavin rossdale)
Here comes the free agent list and some support for my cause.
3. DEPECHE MODE (dave gahan) - fantastic songwriter with long career and lots of drug addictions, he’s like the goth-ier version of keith richards.
4. THE MISFITS (glenn danzig) - baddest fucking punk band ever and i get to sport a devil lock haircut. i’ve always wanted one.
5. 30 SECONDS TO MARS (jared leto) - I’m a young good-looking actor that formed a rock band. I get to bang every hollywood slut out there. That means you, Lohan.
6. WARRANT (jani lane) - Yes I’d be a royal pussy, but I married the chick from the Cherry Pie video. Booyah!
7. SLAYER (tom araya) - Metal. Fucking. God. Only Lemmy is possibly cooler than Tom Araya.
8. VAN HALEN (sammy hagar) - Fuck you Roth purists. Sammy was, is, and always will be 10X cooler than Roth. He owns Cabo Wabo bar in Cabo San Lucas Mexico and he just sold an 80% stake in his tequila for 80 million dollars. I’d much rather be Sammy.
9. BODY COUNT (ice-t) - I’m Ice-T….that’s all I have to say.
10. A PERFECT CIRCLE (maynard james keenan) - I’m backdooring this pick since somebody already took Tool. I’m all about the loopholes, baby.
I’m out…have a good weekend KSKers.
May 25th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
I sincerely apologize if this pick has been taken already, but I just got here, and 200 posts are too many to sort through.
N.W.A.
And I pick Dr. Dre, so I don’t suddenly die of AIDS, or star in “Friday After Next.”
Oh yeah, if N.W.A. hasn’t been chosen yet, then shame on all of you.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Wait a sec… NO ONE TOOK NWA!?!?!?!
Not even UM?
Fuck it, I might not be an angry black man from Compton - just a mildy annoyed white kid from Seattle - but I’m picking NWA.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Hold up, fellow Seahawk fan…..I think N.W.A. was already taken. You know what, Control-F? Go fuck yourself.
Sloth, you’re still cool.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Ah damnit. Stupid ctrl-f.
JL - great minds think alike.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Since we’re in the Free Agency period, I’ll just go again. Their albums weren’t any good, and the front man was married to a complete bitch (according to him), but my pickings are slim.
D-12
I can think of worse things than being able to spend Eminem’s money.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
I’m going to go with Dillinger 4. I know nothing about the history of the lead singer, but they make kickass music, and the lead singer owns a bar. Plus I’ll definitely have more stable relationships with the ladies in my life than j.l. white.
24 hours after the start of this draft, I’ll say that’s none too shabby.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
just to throw in a last-round value pick: I’ll take any of the numerous bands whose lead singers got to bang winona ryder. fuck she loves bands. I’m just sayin.
May 25th, 2007 at 11:38 pm
30 Odd Foot of Grunts
I get to Russel Crowe. Beloved by women, complete dick, win an Oscar. No telling how much tail he’s gotten…but it’s a lot.
May 26th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Ok, I waited a couple of hundred picks so here I go with three draft picks.
1.) Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
I have to go through life scary ugly BUT really well dressed and I get all the interesting thoughtful pussy. It’s like being fucking Byron come again.
2.) & 3.) The Jam and Style Council.
Spot a trend here?
And if I can’t take Weller’s crew twice I’ll just take the Bad Seeds two more times.
Kudos to those who took THE WHO and GWAR. Had I gotten here earlier…
Since they don’t exist I’m taking two mythical bands as well.
A] Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. These are NOT the fucking bee-gees. They are an ideal. A band better than the Beatles because the Beatles sang about them. Not a great name but a great concept.
B] Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars. The lead singer as an actual Christ figure. Unbeatable. Fuck Creed.
I noticed nobody took THE KINKS. A great rock and roll story that nobody wants to live. Poor Ray.
And total value pick from a few drafts back. I waded through OVER 400 PICKS and then had to step away. Did NOBODY pick The Pope as somebody they wanted to fight? Because I will cheerfully kick his aged nazi jackbooted ass.
My verification code is “Mitdanog” which sounds like something German and apocalyptic. I’ll front that - with a bullhorn and Spider Jerusalem’s Bowel Disruptor gun.
- Dannelke