This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Celebrities You Would Like To Fight
I’ve been wanting to do a fight draft for ages. And at last, here it is. The rules here are a bit complex, so let’s get right to them. This must be a famous person everyone knows, currently living and as they are right now. Picking them means you fight them, hand-to-hand. One on one. No weapons. No hired goons. No holds barred. And you aren’t guaranteed of beating them. This is real life fighting. If you maim or kill them, you will not be charged with a crime. If you get maimed or killed, your medical care is paid for. No picking Deadspin commenters or that one asshole in your class. No one cares. Pick only one celebrity. After that, you must wait 10 selections before you pick another.
One last rule: If you are a man, you cannot pick a female. We’d all like to pick Paris Hilton, hold her down, and beat the fucking tar out of her. But I’m against violence on the ladies, so you gotta pick a guy. My pick? The obvious:
Chief Poopy Pants himself.
Bin Laden has the reach on me, no doubt. But he’s old, and his kidneys are failing. I could take him. I’d pull that fucking beard for all it was worth. He’s also got a big nose. I bet he’s a bleeder. Bring it, Osama. I’ll hit you so hard I’ll kill your whole family. All 57 brothers and sisters of yours. Bitch.
NOTE: I did a post for the Name of the Year blog today on the great Destiny Frankenstein. Check it out.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, durka durka, ksk commenter drafts, let's see how well you people follow protocol
May 18th, 2007 at 9:41 am
I will do the world a favor and select Joe Buck. I just hope that during the fight he says “that is a DISGUSTING act.”
May 18th, 2007 at 9:46 am
Athletes are out of the question because I would get my ass kicked by most all of them.
I’m taking Wilmer Valderrama.
May 18th, 2007 at 9:46 am
Nancy Grace
didn’t even have to think about it.
May 18th, 2007 at 9:48 am
Jesus, UM, did you not READ THE FUCKING RULES?
May 18th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Oh, joy - what an awesome b-day gift this will be:
I pick John Travolta. Fuck him.
(passing up the obvious Tom Cruise choice)
May 18th, 2007 at 9:52 am
George Clooney. He just seems like a total dick
May 18th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Nancy Grace isn’t a woman. I believe she’s some sort of asexual alien.
May 18th, 2007 at 9:53 am
really? no one?
DUBYA
i win!
May 18th, 2007 at 9:57 am
/self imposed 1 round suspension
May 18th, 2007 at 9:58 am
Oh this is easy, Karl “MC” Rove. I would kick his Norwegian Ass back to the North Sea.
May 18th, 2007 at 9:59 am
Who picks George Clooney? You play baccarat with Clooney. You don’t fight him.
May 18th, 2007 at 9:59 am
Elizabeth Hasselbeck. I’d snap her bony ass in two.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:00 am
I’ll take Schrutebag. A bit of a reach, but it’s an easy win and I’d become a folk hero.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:01 am
David Stern- I hate that cocksucker
May 18th, 2007 at 10:04 am
since i can’t take paris hilton, i’ll take dr. phil… how i loathe that pretentious douche bag
May 18th, 2007 at 10:05 am
I pick Tim McCarver.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Who is Alex Trebeck?
Canadian shitfuck
May 18th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Dick Vitale - everytime I hear him, I just want to punch him in the face.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Winslow, keep an eye out for Secret Service. I pick the douchebag who plays Turtle. By the end of this I will have picked the entire cast of Entourage.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:06 am
Jimmy Fallon. The more he laughs, the harder I beat.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:09 am
bill o’reilly
what? he’s 6′5 you say? pfffffft. it aint the size of the dog in the fight, my friends, its the size of the fight in the dog.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:11 am
I’ll take Kim Jong Il.
I’ll have all evil terrorist leaders sewn up soon.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:11 am
Bill Belichik.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:11 am
Bill Simmons.
Oh wait, it’s supposed to be a celebrity.
Stephen A. Smith. I’d kick his ass and eat all his cheezy poofs.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:12 am
5150 - nice pick.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:12 am
Jared from Subway.
God I hate that guy, what kind of company chooses such a terrible spokesman?
May 18th, 2007 at 10:15 am
Joe Morgan is now taken…I have a lock on annoying baseball announcers now.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:15 am
Michael Moore - that fat fuck traitor needs a serious beat-down.
BDD - I think you need to amend the rules to EXCLUDE US political figures or this is going to get ugly.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:16 am
I want someone who will A) go down easy and B) make me feel like I’m doing the world a service by rearranging his face.
Andy Dick
And I’ll have Rob Schneider for dessert.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:17 am
Ann Coulter. I believe I’m still within the rules here.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:17 am
“your a jackass.. just cause your name is lieutenent you think you know something about politics and/or the military.. he’d kick your ass anyway faggot”
May 18th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Damnit, Don’t You. Can I at least kick him when he’s bleeding on the ground?
I take Larry the Cable Guy.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:18 am
My second pick is Ryan Seacrest.
60 million votes have been recieved…you’re a douche.
“I felt like destroying something beautiful. “
May 18th, 2007 at 10:19 am
I would like to utterly kill Kirsten Dunst*.
*Vampires are not women.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:19 am
That’s a hate crime, Middle Man.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Al Gore. Partially for marrying such a cunt and partially to see if I can get a rise out of him.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Steve Javie
May 18th, 2007 at 10:21 am
ronald reagan… oh fuck, he’s already dead? well then, i’ll go with dick cheney, and finish the job that heart disease can’t seem to do
May 18th, 2007 at 10:22 am
selig or theisman… selig or theisman…
FUCK, man this is tough.
okay, Selig
May 18th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Tim McCarver.
Fucking know-it-all prick.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:22 am
i don’t play baccarat. craps is the only game to play. clooney is a douche, maybe it has something to do with the fact that my wife thinks he is the hottest guy on the planet.
with my second pick i take the american hating, commie loving hugo chavez from venezula.
nice pick with mihael moore.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:23 am
Seriously?
This draft is clearly inspired by Fight Club and no has taken Brad Pitt yet?
I will fight Brad Pitt AND Ed Norton at the same time.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:23 am
Sweet, my sleeper pick is still there!
In the 2nd round, I choose Chris Berman. “With leather? How about I just go medieval on your ass?”
May 18th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Curt Schilling… cause 1) he talks shit on barry bonds 2) he plays for the red sox 3) he used fake blood to look tough 4) hes fat
i’d also like to beat the piss out of everyone who doesnt like Barry and also everyone that plays for the red sox
May 18th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Coach K. God that guy reeks of smug douchiness. And I’d kick his Blue Devil ass back to the stone age.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Stuart Scott. Booyah.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:26 am
We’re already repeating picks? That usually doesn’t happen until at least 137 comments.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Lindsay Lohan…fucking media whore
May 18th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Ty Pennington - When I finish it would be Extreme Makeover, Face Edition
May 18th, 2007 at 10:27 am
RuPaul. Why? Because she’s a man, baby.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Sanjaya and all other reality TV pseudo-celebrities.
this reality shit has got to stop.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:28 am
George Lucas, for raping my and every other Star Wars ner..er, fan’s childhood memories.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Art Modell.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Tough day, Brent? Vent that rage.
I pick Nick Saban for Dolphins fans everywhere.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Nice pick, nucleus. Remember to always come at him from his left.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:28 am
well, hell… I’ll just name my roster the “Threat to Scientology”
… and I’ll knock the fuck outta Tom Cruise once I’m done with Travolta’s fat ass.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:29 am
David Spade. I’m cornering the market on short smug bastards.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:30 am
for all fellow os fans:
peter angelos
May 18th, 2007 at 10:30 am
jerry seinfeld
Most Overrated Show Ever.
his show was gawd-awful and not funny, yet people continue to slob his knob to this day… i will never understand his appeal
May 18th, 2007 at 10:30 am
oh, and dear brent,
its mostly the fact that i read with leather that makes me think i know something about the military
May 18th, 2007 at 10:31 am
Lupica.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:31 am
OJ Simpson needs a good beatdown with a 5-Iron.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Johnny Depp. I don’t mind his work, but as a person I cannot stand him.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:32 am
i haven’t taken any sports related celebrities yet so i will take dallas mavs owner mark cuban. comes off like the nerdy rich kid that buys his friends and he always seems to be bitching about something.
not to mention the way he cried like a little girl during the mvp presentation for dirk. any man that would cry over something like that needs his ass kicked.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:33 am
Can I finish what Horry started and take care of Nash?
May 18th, 2007 at 10:33 am
I take that cheese eating rat bastard fat fuck Roger Clemens … Gay Rod is a close 2nd
May 18th, 2007 at 10:33 am
Third round-
Donald Trump.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:33 am
Richard Gere - for the same reason as Clooney.
Plus, how dare he offend India with a kiss?
to steal/paraphrase a line from Caveman:
India, now with thermonuclear weapons!
May 18th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Rush Limbaugh
May 18th, 2007 at 10:34 am
I’m still allowing all political figures. If you want to start a pointless flame war over it, feel free.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Al Davis…need I say more
May 18th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Al Sharpton, I swear that dude has simultaneously set black people and hip hop back at least 20 years. Yes I’m an educated nigga, nigga, feel my fists of unappologetic ignorance.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Does Rosie O’Donnell count as a man? Nevermind, she could kick my ass. I pick Joakim Noah. Those knees could pop like a 12-year old hymen.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:34 am
For years I wanted to beat the hell out of Bob Costas. Just for being the most pseudo-intellectual overly smug sportscaster there was. However, thanks to that abominable “Tuesdays With Morrie” book, I think we have a new king of the pricks. Mitch Albom, you’re going down.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Jim Belushi, for reasons that are obvious.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Zach Braff. That fucking hipster douche! I’d like to physically remove his voicebox with my hands.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Damn you, john john. Well played.
My third pick is Dan Shaughnessy and Ron Borges.
And yes I can pick both of them. Niether one is a man on their own.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Great call on Lupica. And the Donald was my next choice, but I’ll take Bruce Bowen, because if he kicked me in the ankle, I would have split open his face worse than Nash’s nose.
That guy is a pussy.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:35 am
2nd round
dane cook
am i missing something, hes not even remotely funny.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Damn you, Larry. This is like a receiver run in my fantasy draft.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:37 am
I’m taking K-Fed.
We’re moving in to douche territory.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Larry Burns, need help? I’ll give up a pick to help beat that guy down.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Sharpton inspired, i’ll take jesse jackson. He’s just as bad, take the 2 of them out and the world is now a place that doesn’t bitch about oppression.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Peyton Manning. I know that he is a rather large athlete, but he still comes off like a ninny and I can fight dirty. As long as this results in no more TV time for him, all is well. I don’t care how bad I get beaten up.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:40 am
I’d like to introduce Skip Bayless’ teeth to a curb.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:40 am
I am butchering the spelling of this name, but it’s nothing compared to what I’d do to him.
Shia La Boof. Dead.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:40 am
mel gibson.
oh, how i would enjoy that
May 18th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Leonardo DiCaprio - same reason as Clooney, Gere. sense a trend?
Seriously, his environmental pontificating and on-air fellating of Al Gore makes him deserve a serious ass-kicking.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Tim Robbins
One less Hollywood pussy to tell me how to live my life. Oh yeah… the beating will be thad bad.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Pat Buchanan. The world would be a much better place without that hate monger spreading fear. And he can join Falwell in that tasty place once I’m done with him.
What? Too soon?
May 18th, 2007 at 10:42 am
BBD Excelent pick, I hate that prick (Lupica), I stopped reading the daily news because of that asshat.
Last week I traded my 3 and 5th round picks so now I will select…
Singer from the state of gayness Josh Groban
And also Kiefer Sutherland, not because I hate the show, but because it’s time someone kicked his ass, I mean seriously!
May 18th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Middle Man great call on Larry Lucchico’s red headed boy friend … with my 2nd pick Stat Boy from PTI he annoys the fuck out of me
May 18th, 2007 at 10:43 am
maybe only devang will understand these picks, but i’m taking sanjay gupta and kal penn, who continue to set indian people back with their antics… gupta for setting unrealistic expectations for indian parents, leading to the inevitable diappointment when you decide you want to be anything but a neurosurgeon/attention whore on cnn… as for penn, yes i loved harold & kumar, but the guy had a minor role in Superman Returns where he said all of TWO WORDS and started to walk around like his shit don’t stink, then followed that up with that atrocious ‘Rise of Taj’ movie that propagated, among other things, the stereotypical indian accent (no motherfuckers, we don’t all talk like that) and set my people back another 15 years in america… damn i hate these dickwads…
May 18th, 2007 at 10:43 am
john s., will you use a phone to knock out his teeth a la High Fidelity? That would be fantastic.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Alright, I’ll take one for the team - Paris Hilton. (Although I’d be more than a little afraid to let that chick touch me - God knows what kind of diseases that girl’s carrying.)
May 18th, 2007 at 10:44 am
yes to all who wish to help in the cook beat down.
by the way liut winz why couldn’t you leave mel to the jews please, come on. I have a menorah ready and all.
but my next pick ( i don’t think he has been taken yet)
roger clemens
May 18th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Michael Jackson.
I realize I’m skirting close to the line of picking a female, but he needs a beating.
I’m gonna beat the vitiligo out of him.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:44 am
I pick Manu Ginobili for being overrated and playing for the spurs… i’d hit him in the face but with a nose that big it probably has its own bodyguards
and thank you for picking joakim noah — i’ll fight him again when your done
May 18th, 2007 at 10:44 am
@BBD How could you take K-fed, that dude’s a roll model for all men. How many back country trashy back singer multi million dollar man-whores do you know?
May 18th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Ooooh, I’m up again.
SLEEPER PICK
Ashton Kutcher. WHO GOT PUNK’D NOW BITCH!?! Asshat!
May 18th, 2007 at 10:46 am
since this is gonna be my only post for the draft ill just do three:
1)William Shatner-no talent
2)Scott Bakula-even less talent, although looks always like hes about to cry
3)Dan Snyder-made a great franchise in the Redskins into a league wide joke
May 18th, 2007 at 10:47 am
Brady Quinn, just to do it next to shoopmonster beating up peyton.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:47 am
Billy Packer shall meet my fists of unending fury.
For obvious reasons to any non-Wake Forest fan.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:48 am
@miamidiesel
Penn also played a terroist on the first few episodes of this season’s 24. In fact he was responsible for the nuke that went off.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Jake Gyllenhaal. You will be smoten for playing tummy sticks with your favorite Cowboy friend and for attempting to sing a Dreamgirls song on SNL.
I wonder if this is considered gay-bashing?
Time to do some work. See ya’ll in a few hours.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Joe Piscopo
Didn’t think it was possible, but someone actually gave New Jersey a worse name.
Plus, he’s been ravaged by thyroid cancer and side effects from steroid use so I can probably take him.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Bob Barker - ’cause he’s old and it will be easy.
Spay and neuter this, old fuck!
May 18th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Justin Timberlake. I don’t have any ill feelings towards this man. It’s more of a draft pick that will be picked up primarily for trade reasons. I suppose a little jealousy could fuel a beating as well.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Ted Kennedy, the bloated fuckstick. Besides, I always wanted to punch a Kennedy, and he’s the last relevant one.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Carlos Mencia.
Not funny. Not Mexican. Not named Carlos. His name is Ned. Material thief. Douchebag. I blame Dave Chapelle for the rise of this asshole.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Second Pick - Tony Reali
May 18th, 2007 at 10:50 am
my turn again
aaron carter, what a magnificent deusch.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:51 am
To continue in my ‘this is for the good of mankind, even though I REALLY don’t want to touch this person’ vein, I take Britney Spears.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Larry you can have Clemens when I’m done with him … with my third pick I’m taking Bill Gates so I can steal everything he owns once I finish with him
May 18th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Clemens was already taken. Tony Reali was already taken. My job is very boring today so I will gladly play commissioner as usual.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:52 am
last pick…
Donna Shalala (i have my reasons) and much like Jason’s Ann Coulter pick, i believe i am well within the rules on this one
May 18th, 2007 at 10:52 am
redhead, I really appreciate your sacrifices. I was hoping somebody would pick Paris and I wouldn’t mind seeing Britney get thrashed. Just make sure that no va-jay-jays become exposed during the beating.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:53 am
I need a ruling…Can I take Mike and Mike as one pick and try to kick the crap out of both of them?
Golic would be tough, but my fists of fury would make him the mayor of pain.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Time to take Imus.
Nothing like kicking a man while he’s down. Literally.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Pat Robertson. I have no compunction about beating on an old man, as long as he can leg-press two thousand pounds.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:55 am
@shoopmonster
Consider it done.
Next pick - Sean Penn. I am really beginning to corner the market on self-rightous assholes. Bonus - it looks like he may actually put up a fight, but, in the end, he would be exposed as the candy-ass that he is.
Double bonus - I will hit him until he is forced to say “my name is Jeff Spicoli”
May 18th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Ron Popeil. I win.
Set it and forget it, Fucko!
May 18th, 2007 at 10:56 am
@wormfather - see, you see what i’m saying with penn? dude needs to go
for my next pick i’m taking peter king, who surprisingly is still available… i would die for my home state of jersey, but the fact that that fat fuck calls it his ‘adopted home’ and no one has forced him out to someplace more appropriate for uptight, xenophobic douche bags like him (perhaps san francisco or boston) would make me think twice about coming back on my shield
May 18th, 2007 at 10:56 am
Shawn Bradley. I’ve always wanted to fight somebody tall and passive seems like an overly-aggressive word to describe him.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:56 am
ah my bad i didn;t realize clemens was gone i must of missed that pick:
dave chappelle (only if he refuses to do the show)
May 18th, 2007 at 10:56 am
Dustin Diamond.
I accidentally caught an episode of Celebrity Fat Camp and that guy is just a big, sweaty turd.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:57 am
Joel Madden, lead singer of Good Charlotte. I know it’s a reach this early but his fake punk bullshit has to stop.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:58 am
eddie vedder from pearl jam, another washed up self-absorbed douche bag.
can one of the ladies pick the fat and ugly dixie chick ?
May 18th, 2007 at 10:59 am
Replacement pick for Reali - Kurt Russell, Nothing against him I just think it would be a fun fight, especially since my medical bills would be paid (hooray for reading the rules) I want to fight someone who will be a good opponent.
May 18th, 2007 at 10:59 am
Thanks for the ruling Burnys …. I take the douche James Blunt in fact I think I’ll fight Jon Mayer at the same time
May 18th, 2007 at 11:01 am
How the?
I didn’t see this name yet!
Round 3:
Jay Mariotti. Fucktard.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:01 am
Don Zimmer!!!! Oh yeah, I’d hit him so fucking hard that Pedro Martinez would feel it.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:01 am
I’ll take Frankie Muniz and I’m out. Got bin Laden, Kim jong Il, Lupica, K-Fed, Imus, and Muniz. A perfect day.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:01 am
Tucker Max. I’ll even do it blindfolded.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:02 am
I want to fight Lupica when Big Daddy is done. If there is anyone that needs an ass-whoopin’. it’s Lupica
May 18th, 2007 at 11:02 am
I’ll beat down Nancy Grace for you, UM. Even though she scares me a little, ’cause she looks like a fucking evil clown. One good hard kick to the face should make that self-righteous smirk disappear. I’m not big, but think I could take her.
If Nancy Grace is not available, I’d really really like to fuck up “Dr.” Laura. I hate that dried-up old bitch.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Damnit, Greg. Mayer was queued up and ready to go.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Tarantino. And I like the guy, but come on.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:03 am
John Madden. I would eat a turducken for my victory meal.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Great pick, Beavis. GREAT pick.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:04 am
danm beavis that was my final pcik
so my draft so far is
angelos,cook, aoran carter, dave chappele, and my final pcik today is: ahamjehoud (the iranian president) he is just a prick.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:04 am
@jordan ginsberg I was soooo hoping that he would be around for the next pick. He seems incredibly smug. Plus that giant chin has to be made of glass.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Great picks on Penn and fat-head Teddy.
I’ll take another left-wing know-it-all - Bill Maher.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:06 am
the blue man group. their shit is not funny. i don’t even know where to begin in calling out their show, all i’ll say is those motherfuckers wasted 90 minutes of my life and some serious amounts of cap’n crunch that could’ve gone to better use (i.e. as my breakfast). i would also like to coin the term “blue man group gay”
May 18th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Michael Kay.
And I’m a Yankees fan, so I can’t even imagine how much you plebes must despise him.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Also I just went through the whole post and didn’t see Tony Reali so I am taking that pick back.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:06 am
I know it’s a hate crime, but it’s a crime to let this guy keep making five figures a week for being a talentless bitch.
Perez Hilton.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:06 am
This may be a reach pick, but I’m late in and I want to make sure I get first crack at:
“Dr.” James Dobson
May 18th, 2007 at 11:06 am
OK, I’m back… Hard to work when a KSK draft is happening.
David Hasselhoff. No need to thank me for kicking Michael Knight’s ass all the way back to Baywatch.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Next Pick?
Mahmoud Ahmadi…
Mahmoud Ahmadi…
Mahmoud Ahmadi…
Mahmoud Ahmadhimbleed
May 18th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Ok, I only have time for one pick (stupid work) so I’ll throw my top three in now
1 Maroon 5. yes, the entire band
2 The Church of Scientology. yes, every member.( that gives me rounds vs Cruise and Travolta, ha!)
3The Baldwin brothers, at the same time.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:07 am
He was selected as “Stat Boy.” However I see nothing wrong with gangland justice.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:07 am
John Sterling.
By the way, Rob, great call on Zach Braff.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:07 am
@john john, he is the stat boy from PTI
May 18th, 2007 at 11:08 am
I pick Shaq. Just because I’m 5′5″ and how funny would that be. Stick and move, stick and move.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:08 am
so is anyone going to do a draft summary record the five picks everyone makes and grade, then, if it is under 400 total i will play mel kiper.
john s i took him
May 18th, 2007 at 11:08 am
Jay Leno. Bam.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:09 am
I am small and mighty…but not THAT mighty, so could someone come defend my honor and take out Tom Tolbert for me? I mean I REALLY hate that guy.
I would probably fight Minnie Driver. She just annoys the hell out of me for some reason.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:09 am
Vern Troyer. If kicking a midget is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:10 am
tony dungy.
just coach football and shut the fuck up.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:10 am
Tom from MySpace. How dare you let 14-year old girls make their profiles private?
May 18th, 2007 at 11:10 am
for the last time Stat Boy = Tony Reali … stop trying to steal my draft picks or I will have to bring a tampering change against you
May 18th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Larry, I’ll help you. Seriously, my company is wasting money by having me here today.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Ther oughta be a law against picking on guys the size of 8-year olds, but there aint. . . Bob Costas Thanks PEB for leaving that morsel.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:11 am
@miamidiesel. I know what ya mean with Kal Penn. his name’s probably Kalpen. Douche.
I take Max Kellerman. Oh that arrogant smary shithead!!
May 18th, 2007 at 11:12 am
so is anyone going to do a draft summary…
i don’t want to say i won, but…
rd.1 GWB
rd.2 Bill O’Reilly
rd.3 Bud Selig
rd.4 Mel Gibson
rd.5 Donna Shalala
May 18th, 2007 at 11:12 am
Everybody doesn’t love Raymond. And I will turn him out like a prison bitch.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:12 am
@burnsy Same here. I haven’t seen a person all morning where my desk is. I’m on an island. My regular coworkers work 4 10s so they are off today. For the company’s sake I need to see if I can get that switched.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:13 am
BILL MAHER.
Enough said. Has there been a bigger condescending prick on earth this this fucker?
May 18th, 2007 at 11:14 am
My bad. OK, Pete Wentz.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:15 am
burnsy, I know the feeling. I’m sleeping with my eyes open here.
But I still pick off Sean Hannity. Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly are off the board, so I have to take the best available at Right Wing Nut Job Host position.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:15 am
With my next pick, I select Siegried and Roy. And yes, I will be wearing my Tony the Tiger costume.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:15 am
DAMN YOU, Beavis. Beat him good. Make sure Ashlee watches.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:15 am
The guy who plays Buster in Arrested Development, just to see if he would fall into the fetal position and yell “why are you hitting yourself?”
May 18th, 2007 at 11:16 am
yes devang, john s. did
May 18th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Aaron Boone.
He knows why/
May 18th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Joe Francis (girls gone wild)
there’s no CRYING in prison, bitch.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Jack Thompson. Don’t know how many gamers are hanging around on this thread, but any who are know that any time that litigious, idiotic douchefucker opens his mouth you wanna shove a fist through his teeth. Sue that, dickbag.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Oh, fuck it. I have to take Brandon Davis. Value pick.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Thanks shoopmonster
Then I pick the people who run the Daily Kos. Lighten up, will ya?
May 18th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Devang, Sean Penn is gone. So is Kal Penn. No relation. Might I suggest Sean’s son, Hopper? You can make jokes about how his mom was the AIDS chick in Forrest Gump.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:18 am
George Steinbrenner.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:19 am
Seth McFarlane. Family Guy is great, the rest of it, not so much. His physical appearance just screams douchebag.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:19 am
great value pick brain
May 18th, 2007 at 11:20 am
is Bucky Dent still alive? … fuck it I take Bucky Fuckin Dent
May 18th, 2007 at 11:20 am
An old-fashioned southside beat down for the Gumbels: Bryant first, for not knowing enough about the game of football to be an announcer. And then Gregg, for getting his hairhat at the same place as the Shaw brothers (”I’ll take three wigs for the price of two, and a bottle of activater”).
May 18th, 2007 at 11:20 am
I choose Big Daddy Drew. Sorry Drew, nothing personal, but nobody is gonna win one of these drafts unless you’re on the DL.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Damn it Bucky Dent was next on my board.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:21 am
i choose leitch just for the story, if i lose ok if i win i kicked leitch;s ass.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:22 am
You’re a genius mdt. Had to look him up, but then I realized what kind of shit he pulled. My hat is off to you. And yes, I am a gamer.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Derrick, I’m surprised it took that long. Now who’s gonna take Ufford?
May 18th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Can I take Wilford Brimley or whatever the fuck is name is? Just to hear him say “diabeetus.”
May 18th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Phil Mickelson. I’d wipe that stupid grin he has every time a camera is on him off his face.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Linkin Park.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:24 am
danny ferry. he’s a worse GM than he was a player.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:24 am
My vintage pick is Jaleel White. You respect Carl Winslow’s house, son.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Gunnar Esiason.
I could definitely take him.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:25 am
somebody take ufford so the rest of us have a chance in the hot bloggers contest.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:26 am
bill clinton for moving himself and his wife to ny state.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:26 am
Bill Wirtz. My livelihood depends on it.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:27 am
The second and third best Penns have been taken but I’m getting the best one off the board: Penn Jillette. Fat, pompous fuck.
“Guy who’s ass I just kicked”. Is that your identity?
May 18th, 2007 at 11:27 am
Sean Hannity.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:27 am
Will some lady please take out Hillary Clinton?
If not, then maybe i’ll just subject myself to a large dose of estrogen.
In the meantime, give me George Michaels. That cunt has rubbed me the wrong way since the 3rd grade.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:29 am
brain, sorry but I already picked him off. Scarborough is still on the board, though.
I’m taking Phil Collins.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:29 am
@tvbrain - Dammit just beat me on Georgie Boy.
Being that I can’t pick people who I work with (because they would all be up here right now) I pick John Stamos
1. Ty Pennington
2. Kurt Russell
3. John Stamos
May 18th, 2007 at 11:29 am
I want to take out Ufford, but my hatred for Bruce Willis is stronger.
Plus Willis is having sex with HER
http://www.wwtdd.com/photo.phtml?post_key=2290&photo_key=2873
May 18th, 2007 at 11:30 am
i want to makethis clear, i am taking everones first five picks before pick 400 and then grading them.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:30 am
sorry tvbrain but sweet zombie jesus took him already.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Tony Robbins.
I’m going to knock out his teeth, attach some wooden handles, and sell them as a line of collectors’ garden shovels.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:31 am
Lead singer from Nickelback.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:31 am
Here’s an American Idol duet beatdown for ya:
Blake Lewis for not being able to sing and convincing middle America that he invented Beatboxing and that it is “creative and risk-taking.” What a complete asshat. I guess no one ever heard of Doug E Fresh, The Fat Boys or Rahzel from the Roots. I consider this an honor killing.
And Randy Jackson. Stop being such a goddamn poser and lowering our collective IQ with the “yo dogs” and the “yo, yo, yo check this out” and “good lookin outs” when no one did anything for you. AND YOU WERE A BASS PLAYER IN JOURNEY SO STOP TRYING TO HARD TO GET YOUR GHETTO PASS BACK BITCH!!!
May 18th, 2007 at 11:31 am
Michael Bolton, that no-talent-ass-clown.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:31 am
clarence thomas. black republicans are fucking retarded.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:31 am
I’m going a bit off the board in Round 5 and taking Jason Schwartzman. OR I gonna kick your ass? I’d do it just for that “California” song.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Mr. Stephen “My shit doesn’t stink but zero gravity still didn’t make me walk or talk or do much more than twitch” Hawking.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Matt Lauer. Everything about him makes a prospective journalist lucky to make 50K a year want to commit a homicide
Plus there is this
http://thebestsportsblog.com/images/todayshow.JPG
May 18th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Scott Stapp. Lead singer. Creed. Enough said.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:32 am
jackin’—-somebody should beat you for watching American Idol
May 18th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Luis Gonzalez
2001 World Series, Game Seven
Lamest walk-off hit in baseball history.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:33 am
I’ve made 11 picks today. That’s not bad since they were all before 9:30 AM. I think I should call it a day, and you know, try to get some work done.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:35 am
@derrick
I watch it so I know who I need to kill. And since 60 million people voted…
Whatever.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:35 am
Derek Jeter….just for the sheer thrill of watching all the girls in NYC cry.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:36 am
Andy “Polley”.
And my next pick is the fuckwit who tells me it’s Andy Polian.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:37 am
Michael Rappaport. I can’t believe it’s taken 200+ comments before someone hands out a beat down for propogating The War at Home on primetime television…
May 18th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Keith Olbermann
May 18th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Brit Hume
What the fuck does some dreamed-up “24″ scenario have to do with political debate??
And while I’m at it, Mitt Romney, for the whole “double Guantanamo” comment. And whichever fuckstick in the bunch said “I’m looking for Jack Bauer!”
There’s a reason politics are a joke in this country.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:41 am
With my final pick I am taking Phil Hellmuth he’s such a winy little brat that I would have to watch the hair pulling and biting but would hope to hear comments like “if it weren’t for luck I guess I’d lose everyone of these things.”
May 18th, 2007 at 11:41 am
I’m always so late to these, booooo.
I would take Jessica Simpson and grind that bony ass into the dirt.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:41 am
Steve Bartman.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Remember, I’ve traded down for picks in the past few drafts so I had, like, infinity picks.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:42 am
to keep the politics in balance i pick any of the various commenters at the huffington post. starting with girlfriend beating jim lampley.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:43 am
craig kilborn. his departure started sportscenter on the path towards the shitheap that it’s become.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:44 am
Tucker Carlson. I’ma get that bow tie dirty.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:44 am
no burnsy, even if you are my father.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:45 am
Since Krzyzewski is gone, I’m going with Bob Knight.
I’ll see your chair, and raise you a baseball bat. To the face. Take THAT for breaking Dean Smith’s record.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Ben Affleck.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:46 am
And while I’m on a hockey binge:
Dan Kelly. He’s Jacob Silj behind a microphone.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:47 am
David Schwimmer, what a douche.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:47 am
Bono.
I might be convicted of a hate crime due to my intense dislike of the Irish, but I would prick myself witha a used heroin needle just so I could bleed on this pretentious asshole during our rumble and give him AIDS.
Also, U2 sucks.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:48 am
I choose Bobby Flay…….just seems like a cocky bastard.
And since I can’t pick a girl, I’ll let my wife kick the shit out of Rachel Ray……
May 18th, 2007 at 11:50 am
Kelly Clarkson, mostly just because I’m sick of her, but also because (as reported), she said people don’t take her seriously as an artist because she’s a woman. No, dumbfuck, they don’t take you seriously as an artist because you got your fame as the grand prize on a game show. A game show that continues because of the collective stupidity of women and gay men. Clarkson outweighs me by quite a bit (to judge by her most recent photos), but I’ll take quick and ruthless over tubby any day. I think I have a real shot at closing her gaping piehole.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:51 am
Sergio Garcia.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:51 am
nice pick russ
May 18th, 2007 at 11:51 am
Since Bill Maher is taken (great pick) I am going to have to go one down the line on self-rightous assholes and go with Michael Moore.
The guy has the traits of the worst of scoiety: a politician who makes movies.
Unlike a real politician, he will not eventually have someone trying to take his seat who will call him out on his BS and unlike a real movie maker, he does not actually have to be entertaining in order to make money.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:51 am
Dave Foley.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:52 am
Barry Bonds
He’d probably kill me, but then the media would jump on him for killing a pudgy, defenseless white guy, even if I did start it. At least I might get in a couple of kicks to his shrunken testes before getting knocked out.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:52 am
rupert murdoch. fuck fox. except for house.