KSK Mock Draft: Clothing and Accessories that Accentuate the Hotness of Womankind Part 2
Welcome to Part 2 of the greatest mock draft of all time. For Part 1 go here.
Off the board: heels, thongs, bikinis, schoogirl outfits, pearl necklaces, edible panties, camisoles…let’s do this sexy thing.
8. MMP- Mary Janes
Just like ‘em. Dunno why
What a reach!
BDD: What are Mary Janes?
MMP: It’s a closed-toe shoe with a strap across the foot.
Cue the crickets.
9. Flub- Slinky Black Cocktail Dress
The Nolan Ryan of women’s apparel
Sans the inflated ERA?
CC- Wedges
Different from heels, but they achieve the same sexy-leg effect that Drew and I like so much.
BDD- Huzzah!
11. Garter belt with thigh highs
You could put Natasha Lyonne in thigh highs and I’d be turned on. This is the absolute classic lingerie combination. Yet I have no clue why I like it so. Perhaps it’s the garter straps accenuating the ass just so, or the lacey tops of the thigh highs gently caressing the…
OOPS. Look at the mess I made. I have to clean this up.
UM: NOOOOOOOOOOO! All you guys were so caught up in your clogs and whatnot…i thought i’d get the garter…
We should start the Natasha Lyonne All Stars as an answer to Simmons and his Reggie Cleveland squad. Girls whose names make them sound hot when in reality they are the opposite.
UM- 12. Bustier
A showcase of sexitude.
UM- 13. Booty Shorts
What the bustier does for the top half the shorts do for the bottom. It’s like taking a work of art and putting it in the world’s greatest frame.
BDD-14. Tight as shit business suit
Preferably with a mini skirt that just barely covers the ass, and blouse with the top buttons open so that the cleavage just spill right out. Combine that with the garter and thigh highs and I now have blueballs.
That’s a nice pick there Drew.
BDD: I think this draft needs to go 4 rounds. I’ve got some other stuff I’d like to riff on.
CC- 15. Eye makeup
OK, now I’m just trying to piss off the CavemanI was going to say “makeup” but I thought that would be too broad. Girls with lots of eye makeup automatically look 60% hotter. And now, none of your women will ever get to wear it. AWESOME.
Flub- 16. Low rise jeans
But like plutonimum, they can be deadly in the wrong hands.
MMP- 17. One piece tennis dress
One piece tennis dresses. They provide a blend of sportiness and easy access that’s hard to come by.
BDD: I like that pick. That’s a solid pick.
Now Ape goes twice. Four rounds!!!!!!
UM: fuck fuck fuck. that was my fourth rounder.
Ape- 18. Glasses
Small frames but not those Lisa Loeb cat glasses. Because I like smart, engaging women. And, failing that, ones that at least appear intelligent.
Flub: Good call, Ape
Ape- 19. Nose stud
Provides no tactile pleasure, but is a sign she’s at least not up tight. However, the nose stud can’t be part of a panoply of piercing. Just the ears and nose. None of that eyebrow shit.
BDD: Ah, but what of the tongue stud? Nothing says easy like a tongue stud.
Check back tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion to find out if anything says easy better than a tongue stud (Hint: If she smokes, she pokes)
Tags: Fun With Mock Drafts, gratuitous sexiness, Unsilent Majority
April 5th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
This seriously is becoming the best draft and post ever.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Tramp stamp
April 5th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
By the way, this is the only thing that is keeping me sane while I am teaching out here in fucking Baltimore. This town sucks.
Thanks KSK.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
BDD is owning this draft. I like Ape’s pick on the glasses, then he lost me on the nose stud.
still waiting on a ruling if pubic hair or lack of it qualifies a an accessory.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
The glasses are a sneaky good pick, but BDD is dominating this draft right now. UM’s choices are damn good, though.
CC’s wedges would be better if it Ms. Barbaro weren’t modeling them in that picture.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Holy cow this is great! This draft needs to go 8 rounds, minimum. I don’t understand taking shoes as a first round pick, myself. Maybe it’s because I’m an ass man. Everyone wants a great Kicker — like my boy Josh there — but no one wants draft one that high. BDD’s tight business suit is a GREAT choice, though.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Cowheard is a douche…
Oh and yet another great mock draft…top notch offseason so far guys!
April 5th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
still waiting on a ruling if pubic hair or lack of it qualifies a an accessory.
Let’s use the rule of golf on this – the hair is a permanent feature of structure on the body – unless removed by the owner. Therefore, you should not move it, (unless it is truly in the way of your objective and then you will need to take a penalty stroke or strokes depending on how much you remove. Otherwise, in our situation here, it shall not count as an item of clothing or accessory. You will need to work around this and come up with a piece of clothing or accessory.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Way to pay me back for not rubbing the Arenas injury in during the Gmail thread, UM. Go masturbate to old Wes Unseld footage and the new Mysics uniforms.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Pubic hair isn’t an accessory.
Retard.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
fucking Baltimore. This town sucks.
Pirate Sloth wins every comment thread evah.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
I wonder, CC, if an item that rmeoves pubic hair — like razor blades and bikini wax — could be considered an accessory? I would think the person snatch up those two would be very cunning, seeing as how the other players would have to go through life with women who don’t have access to those things.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
michael irvin keeps calling me about how a line of coke is an accessory!
and bdd is owning this draft, surprised flubby didn;t pick a table as an article of clothing.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
no man should know what wedges are.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
sorry caveman, i couldn’t find a good picture of wedges. then the mimi thing just worked out so well.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
i was so grateful that you didn’t rub it in…then you posted video on WL…then I started crying again.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Still on the table:
-Mom jeans
-XXL sweatshirts
-Colostomy bag
April 5th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Good move on the Mary Janes.
I like the flamenco dancer ones especially!
And booty shorts…superb pick (and pic).
April 5th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
never going to be picked ever:
burka
parka
April 5th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Just repeating what everyone else is saying…BDD dominating, CC with a suprisingly bad draft, and Ape with a great late 2nd round pick with the glasses. Mmmm…Tina Fey…
Hoping to see wifebeater and thigh-high boots somewhere in the draft.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
o.k., it looks like we have a ruling on pubes. didn’t think it was that retarded of a question. however, i would allow pubes or lack of to be drafted.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Beaverfever, you could always knit your lady a nice shawl with your pubes.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
never thought of that rob i, btw when have you ever seen my pubes ? o.k. this is getting way too gay.
let’s get back to chicks and them wearing stuff that makes them look hot. i think feather boa could be a late round sleeper pick along with toe rings.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Just so you know, Iracane, an injection of eggs into the rectum also do not qualify as an accessory.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
“You fuckers are alright.” – Pope Benedict XVI
P.S. What, no Daisy Dukes?
April 5th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
my dad suggested a boa…i might have called him a liz taylor loving homo…not sure.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
I think a boa and nothing else is pretty bonerrific.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Very early for a run on shoes.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
once again, sarcasm is lost in translation.
a feather boa and a toe ring. it looks like my attempt at humor went over like a lead balloon.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Just so you know, Iracane, an injection of eggs into the rectum also do not qualify as an accessory.
Thanks BDD, for bringing that up in and otherwise sexy post. And Rob, fuck you always for introducing that story.
Oh, and Cow-NOT-herd. fuck you and die like the pig you are
April 5th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
a lead balloon? but that would never fly.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
exactly my point UM
April 5th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
OK, since nudity isn’t an accessory, might I suggest Saran Wrap?
April 5th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
My seventh grade teacher told us that, while she was growing up poor in Chicago, her parents dressed her in a burlap potato sack with a thin rope tied around the waist.
Please, nobody draft a potato sack.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Seriously, glasses on every attractive woman? That would get old quickly.
April 5th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Red Nail Polish
April 5th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
silicone tits, anyone?
April 5th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
natural God given titties beat the fake ones hands down.
also, i’ll be shocked if no one picks the belly shirt or fish net stocking (not being sarcastic this time).
April 5th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Very early for a run on shoes.
Seriously. Are you guys the ones who take Adam Vinateri in the third round of a fantasy draft?
April 5th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Is a bustier the same thing as a corset? I think they’re different. Someone pick corset.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
I know this has already been mentioned, but wedges? Mary Janes? What the hell??
BDD and UM are owning this draft, the rest of you are shoe-fetish-loving amateurs.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Nipple ring
Tongue stud
Clint ring
April 5th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Should I be scared that Drew and I share the same thoughts on sexy outfits?
And Ape, wish me luck. I’m heading out into the Balt nightlife.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Can I vote for Tipper Gore and Cokie Roberts as first-ballot inductees in the Natasha Lyonne Hall of Fame?
April 5th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
clint ring? please tell me that’s not a typo
April 5th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
A bustier and a corset are basically the same thing, but a corset doesn’t have to cover the chest.
And please, no one pick the belly shirt.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
why not the belly shirt ?
and i am also hoping clint is not a typo. subtle yet funny.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Has Sarah Jessica Parker achieved a “sexy-leg effect” that I am mistaking for a newborn giraffe-leg effect?
April 5th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Anyone who doesn’t respect the effect of good heels on a woman clearly doesn’t know the first thing about women.
Shut up, boys. Ladies, am I right?
ALSO: Eye makeup can make Eva Longoria attractive, so that’s a freaking brilliant pick on my part. I’m shocked by some people’s ignorance.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I can’t see BDD losing this one.
BTW – I was late to the party today, can you post a new tight-ass suit pic – it’s gone now.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
heels are very sexy indeed, I’m just not sure they’re “top 3″ sexy.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
If you thought that there was anything left to take in the shoe category after high heels were taken 2nd overall, you should just fess up to having a shoe fetish.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
booty shorts at #13 have to be the value pick of the draft.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
i would have absolutely taken heels in the second round. the only other shoe i considered: clear plastic platforms.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
i should have taken maggie gylenhall’s saddle!
April 5th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
CC – how could you not use WL as inspiration?
I nominate loose-fitting sexy dresses:
Scarlett
April 5th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
I smoke. I’m just sayin’.
I find that over the knee socks a slightly high-heeled Mary Janes get the job done every time.
April 5th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
clint ring? please tell me that’s not a typo
UM, no it is not.
April 5th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
UM made a STRONG comeback with the bustier and the booty shorts (! — Killer pick). I was ready to make like Pompadoured Mel and call him the draft winner.
But then Drew gathered the mojo from the first round — with the monster pick, the high heels — and just blew the whole draft apart with the sexy business suit.
Game. Over.
My wife doesn’t need any birth control for the next week-and-a-half, my nuts are so damn empty.
* * *
Anyone who doesn’t respect the effect of good heels on a woman clearly doesn’t know the first thing about women.
Chill, CC. No one who’s seen the inside of a pair of thighs is questioning you.
Of course, “Make-up” may be the gayest pick of the draft.
April 5th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
CC, heels do, in fact, make the woman. A great heel essentially gives you four more inches of leg; what man doesn’t find this appealing? As long as the girl isn’t overly tall to begin with, heels are one of the easiest ways to increase one’s sex appeal. Second to only the corset. Sucks in the waist and enhances the girls; it is impossible to beat.
April 5th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
High-heeled over the calf boots are pretty damn good too.
Thigh-highs woulda been my first pick
I cant see makeup being all that bad a pick…the right shade of lipstick on a woman will always make you want to have it end up on your junk.
April 5th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
Damn straight CC. Shortened Achilles tendons are a price worth paying for the illusion of longer legs.
(Just read that back to myself – it sounds sarcastic but it isn’t meant to be. I love my heels.)
April 5th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
“Clear heels!! When did that become the new whore uniform?!”
April 5th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Boy shorts = third round steal. But Drew is knocking this bitch out the park.
April 5th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
great pic with the secretary movie poster. big fan of the black seamed stockings. i’m glad the poster doesn’t show her face.
April 5th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Shoes are like rims – if they’re shitty the car will never really look its best. BDD and CC have locked the rest of the team out of ever having their women truly look their best. Great tactical maneuver…
November 15th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
good good…this post deserves nothing :( …hahaha just joking :P …nice post :P