Welcome to Part 2 of the greatest mock draft of all time. For Part 1 go here.
Off the board: heels, thongs, bikinis, schoogirl outfits, pearl necklaces, edible panties, camisoles…let’s do this sexy thing.
8. MMP- Mary Janes
Just like ‘em. Dunno why
What a reach!
BDD: What are Mary Janes?
MMP: It’s a closed-toe shoe with a strap across the foot.
Cue the crickets.
9. Flub- Slinky Black Cocktail Dress
The Nolan Ryan of women’s apparel
Sans the inflated ERA?
CC- Wedges
Different from heels, but they achieve the same sexy-leg effect that Drew and I like so much.
BDD- Huzzah!
11. Garter belt with thigh highs
You could put Natasha Lyonne in thigh highs and I’d be turned on. This is the absolute classic lingerie combination. Yet I have no clue why I like it so. Perhaps it’s the garter straps accenuating the ass just so, or the lacey tops of the thigh highs gently caressing the…
OOPS. Look at the mess I made. I have to clean this up.
UM: NOOOOOOOOOOO! All you guys were so caught up in your clogs and whatnot…i thought i’d get the garter…
We should start the Natasha Lyonne All Stars as an answer to Simmons and his Reggie Cleveland squad. Girls whose names make them sound hot when in reality they are the opposite.
UM- 12. Bustier
A showcase of sexitude.
UM- 13. Booty Shorts
What the bustier does for the top half the shorts do for the bottom. It’s like taking a work of art and putting it in the world’s greatest frame.
BDD-14. Tight as shit business suit
Preferably with a mini skirt that just barely covers the ass, and blouse with the top buttons open so that the cleavage just spill right out. Combine that with the garter and thigh highs and I now have blueballs.
That’s a nice pick there Drew.
BDD: I think this draft needs to go 4 rounds. I’ve got some other stuff I’d like to riff on.
CC- 15. Eye makeup
OK, now I’m just trying to piss off the CavemanI was going to say “makeup” but I thought that would be too broad. Girls with lots of eye makeup automatically look 60% hotter. And now, none of your women will ever get to wear it. AWESOME.
Flub- 16. Low rise jeans
But like plutonimum, they can be deadly in the wrong hands.
MMP- 17. One piece tennis dress
One piece tennis dresses. They provide a blend of sportiness and easy access that’s hard to come by.
BDD: I like that pick. That’s a solid pick.
Now Ape goes twice. Four rounds!!!!!!
UM: fuck fuck fuck. that was my fourth rounder.
Ape- 18. Glasses
Small frames but not those Lisa Loeb cat glasses. Because I like smart, engaging women. And, failing that, ones that at least appear intelligent.
Flub: Good call, Ape
Ape- 19. Nose stud
Provides no tactile pleasure, but is a sign she’s at least not up tight. However, the nose stud can’t be part of a panoply of piercing. Just the ears and nose. None of that eyebrow shit.
BDD: Ah, but what of the tongue stud? Nothing says easy like a tongue stud.
Check back tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion to find out if anything says easy better than a tongue stud (Hint: If she smokes, she pokes)
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Hey, I have been looking for a pair of Maryjanes just like the pair in the photograph at the top. Do you know the person from which the picture was taken? I can’t find them in stores or online and I’m trying to find out what brand they are so they are easier to look up. Any help would be most appreciated. Thanks!
exemplary work. You have gained a new fan. I hope you can keep up the good work and I look forward to more of your interesting posts.
good good…this post deserves nothing :( …hahaha just joking :P …nice post :P
Shoes are like rims – if they’re shitty the car will never really look its best. BDD and CC have locked the rest of the team out of ever having their women truly look their best. Great tactical maneuver…
great pic with the secretary movie poster. big fan of the black seamed stockings. i’m glad the poster doesn’t show her face.
Boy shorts = third round steal. But Drew is knocking this bitch out the park.
“Clear heels!! When did that become the new whore uniform?!”
Damn straight CC. Shortened Achilles tendons are a price worth paying for the illusion of longer legs.
(Just read that back to myself – it sounds sarcastic but it isn’t meant to be. I love my heels.)
High-heeled over the calf boots are pretty damn good too.
Thigh-highs woulda been my first pick
I cant see makeup being all that bad a pick…the right shade of lipstick on a woman will always make you want to have it end up on your junk.
CC, heels do, in fact, make the woman. A great heel essentially gives you four more inches of leg; what man doesn’t find this appealing? As long as the girl isn’t overly tall to begin with, heels are one of the easiest ways to increase one’s sex appeal. Second to only the corset. Sucks in the waist and enhances the girls; it is impossible to beat.
UM made a STRONG comeback with the bustier and the booty shorts (! — Killer pick). I was ready to make like Pompadoured Mel and call him the draft winner.
But then Drew gathered the mojo from the first round — with the monster pick, the high heels — and just blew the whole draft apart with the sexy business suit.
Game. Over.
My wife doesn’t need any birth control for the next week-and-a-half, my nuts are so damn empty.
* * *
Anyone who doesn’t respect the effect of good heels on a woman clearly doesn’t know the first thing about women.
Chill, CC. No one who’s seen the inside of a pair of thighs is questioning you.
Of course, “Make-up” may be the gayest pick of the draft.
clint ring? please tell me that’s not a typo
UM, no it is not.
I smoke. I’m just sayin’.
I find that over the knee socks a slightly high-heeled Mary Janes get the job done every time.
CC – how could you not use WL as inspiration?
I nominate loose-fitting sexy dresses:
Scarlett
i should have taken maggie gylenhall’s saddle!
i would have absolutely taken heels in the second round. the only other shoe i considered: clear plastic platforms.
booty shorts at #13 have to be the value pick of the draft.
If you thought that there was anything left to take in the shoe category after high heels were taken 2nd overall, you should just fess up to having a shoe fetish.
heels are very sexy indeed, I’m just not sure they’re “top 3″ sexy.
I can’t see BDD losing this one.
BTW – I was late to the party today, can you post a new tight-ass suit pic – it’s gone now.
Anyone who doesn’t respect the effect of good heels on a woman clearly doesn’t know the first thing about women.
Shut up, boys. Ladies, am I right?
ALSO: Eye makeup can make Eva Longoria attractive, so that’s a freaking brilliant pick on my part. I’m shocked by some people’s ignorance.
Has Sarah Jessica Parker achieved a “sexy-leg effect” that I am mistaking for a newborn giraffe-leg effect?
why not the belly shirt ?
and i am also hoping clint is not a typo. subtle yet funny.
A bustier and a corset are basically the same thing, but a corset doesn’t have to cover the chest.
And please, no one pick the belly shirt.
clint ring? please tell me that’s not a typo
Can I vote for Tipper Gore and Cokie Roberts as first-ballot inductees in the Natasha Lyonne Hall of Fame?
Should I be scared that Drew and I share the same thoughts on sexy outfits?
And Ape, wish me luck. I’m heading out into the Balt nightlife.
Nipple ring
Tongue stud
Clint ring
I know this has already been mentioned, but wedges? Mary Janes? What the hell??
BDD and UM are owning this draft, the rest of you are shoe-fetish-loving amateurs.
Is a bustier the same thing as a corset? I think they’re different. Someone pick corset.
Very early for a run on shoes.
Seriously. Are you guys the ones who take Adam Vinateri in the third round of a fantasy draft?
natural God given titties beat the fake ones hands down.
also, i’ll be shocked if no one picks the belly shirt or fish net stocking (not being sarcastic this time).
silicone tits, anyone?
Red Nail Polish
Seriously, glasses on every attractive woman? That would get old quickly.
My seventh grade teacher told us that, while she was growing up poor in Chicago, her parents dressed her in a burlap potato sack with a thin rope tied around the waist.
Please, nobody draft a potato sack.
OK, since nudity isn’t an accessory, might I suggest Saran Wrap?
exactly my point UM
a lead balloon? but that would never fly.
Just so you know, Iracane, an injection of eggs into the rectum also do not qualify as an accessory.
Thanks BDD, for bringing that up in and otherwise sexy post. And Rob, fuck you always for introducing that story.
Oh, and Cow-NOT-herd. fuck you and die like the pig you are
once again, sarcasm is lost in translation.
a feather boa and a toe ring. it looks like my attempt at humor went over like a lead balloon.
Very early for a run on shoes.
I think a boa and nothing else is pretty bonerrific.
my dad suggested a boa…i might have called him a liz taylor loving homo…not sure.
“You fuckers are alright.” – Pope Benedict XVI
P.S. What, no Daisy Dukes?
Just so you know, Iracane, an injection of eggs into the rectum also do not qualify as an accessory.
never thought of that rob i, btw when have you ever seen my pubes ? o.k. this is getting way too gay.
let’s get back to chicks and them wearing stuff that makes them look hot. i think feather boa could be a late round sleeper pick along with toe rings.
Beaverfever, you could always knit your lady a nice shawl with your pubes.
o.k., it looks like we have a ruling on pubes. didn’t think it was that retarded of a question. however, i would allow pubes or lack of to be drafted.
Just repeating what everyone else is saying…BDD dominating, CC with a suprisingly bad draft, and Ape with a great late 2nd round pick with the glasses. Mmmm…Tina Fey…
Hoping to see wifebeater and thigh-high boots somewhere in the draft.
never going to be picked ever:
burka
parka
Good move on the Mary Janes.
I like the flamenco dancer ones especially!
And booty shorts…superb pick (and pic).
Still on the table:
-Mom jeans
-XXL sweatshirts
-Colostomy bag
i was so grateful that you didn’t rub it in…then you posted video on WL…then I started crying again.
sorry caveman, i couldn’t find a good picture of wedges. then the mimi thing just worked out so well.
no man should know what wedges are.
michael irvin keeps calling me about how a line of coke is an accessory!
and bdd is owning this draft, surprised flubby didn;t pick a table as an article of clothing.
I wonder, CC, if an item that rmeoves pubic hair — like razor blades and bikini wax — could be considered an accessory? I would think the person snatch up those two would be very cunning, seeing as how the other players would have to go through life with women who don’t have access to those things.
fucking Baltimore. This town sucks.
Pirate Sloth wins every comment thread evah.
Pubic hair isn’t an accessory.
Retard.
Way to pay me back for not rubbing the Arenas injury in during the Gmail thread, UM. Go masturbate to old Wes Unseld footage and the new Mysics uniforms.
still waiting on a ruling if pubic hair or lack of it qualifies a an accessory.
Let’s use the rule of golf on this – the hair is a permanent feature of structure on the body – unless removed by the owner. Therefore, you should not move it, (unless it is truly in the way of your objective and then you will need to take a penalty stroke or strokes depending on how much you remove. Otherwise, in our situation here, it shall not count as an item of clothing or accessory. You will need to work around this and come up with a piece of clothing or accessory.
Cowheard is a douche…
Oh and yet another great mock draft…top notch offseason so far guys!
Holy cow this is great! This draft needs to go 8 rounds, minimum. I don’t understand taking shoes as a first round pick, myself. Maybe it’s because I’m an ass man. Everyone wants a great Kicker — like my boy Josh there — but no one wants draft one that high. BDD’s tight business suit is a GREAT choice, though.
The glasses are a sneaky good pick, but BDD is dominating this draft right now. UM’s choices are damn good, though.
CC’s wedges would be better if it Ms. Barbaro weren’t modeling them in that picture.
BDD is owning this draft. I like Ape’s pick on the glasses, then he lost me on the nose stud.
still waiting on a ruling if pubic hair or lack of it qualifies a an accessory.
By the way, this is the only thing that is keeping me sane while I am teaching out here in fucking Baltimore. This town sucks.
Thanks KSK.
Tramp stamp
This seriously is becoming the best draft and post ever.