Goodnight, Sweet Prince You Bloviating Jackass
Hi, everyone. This is ordinarily where we’d have a real post talking about the imminent end to the Theismann Era at Monday Night Football. But the gay mafia is suffering from a rash of sick wives and girlfriends, as well as a nasty rash. So let’s just go ahead and open up the comments — tell us how excited you are for Ron Jaworski to replace Joey T, look back on the dumb things Theeeeesmann spouted over the years, or go against the grain and tell us that TK shoulda been shitcanned, too.
Have at it, our lovely little piranhas. We promise to be back in action with entertaining-ish posts soon.
Tags: announcers, bad MS Paint, captain caveman, joe theismann
March 26th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
The only thing that would have made this sweeter is if they had Lawrence Taylor break the news to him.
Godspeed, you insufferable prick.
March 26th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Swap out Tony K and we’ll talk. I know he’s kind of a big deal to some of you, but Kornheiser added nothing to that broadcast last year.
It’s been said before, but that entire booth was dogshit; you can’t pin it all on Theismann. I’m still pining for Nessler/Vermeil/Jaws, though I may as well be a Chinese jet pilot.
March 26th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
I’m just glad they’ve given Tony somebody to banter with. He was awful last year but Thees was crippling his efforts. Jaws is always responsive to TK’s humor on PTI so I expect better things.
That and a shitload of AFL references.
March 26th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Why can’t we have Dennis Miller, Rush Limbaugh and Will Ferrell impersonating Dan Fouts?
March 26th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Get rid of Tirico, put in Gus Johnson.
Just wanted to get that out of the way.
March 26th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Lawrence Taylor was too busy asking where the bitches were.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
Are you sure you guys didn’t want to post because the vaginas are kicking your ass in the NCAA pool?
March 26th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Theismann is an asshole and a cock block. Korny will be so much better without Theismann sitting there fun hating and killing all of Korny’s jokes.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
‘Bout time; good luck in your next career, Joe, break a leg!
March 26th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
The only people that make Kornheiser worth listening too are Andy Polian, Gary Braun and Michael Wilbon.
I feel bad for Jaworski- all the preparation and none of it will ever make it to the show. Tirico will ignore it and the guests will talk over it.
At least His Bald Orangeness will keep the demographics in check. Way to skew young, grandpa.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
More than happy to see him go, but firing Theesmann is treating the fucking symptom rather than curing the disease — which is, the producers in charge of MNF, who are stupid enough to think a cable audience on the world’s biggest sports network want a giant entertainment spectacle rather than a well-analyzed and commentated football game.
Jaws will be good, but if they don’t ditch the guests and rein in Kornheiser’s tangents, it’ll still suck.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
While we’re making changes to MNF, could we stop doing it in HighDef? In HD, Tirico looks like Roland Gift’s gay uncle.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
I thought this was Michael Irvin’s next move
March 26th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Tirico looks like Roland Gift’s gay uncle
“She drives me crazy…”
March 26th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
I’d like a MNF featuring just Theisman and Irvin. Then men would know what it was like to have a period between their ears.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Jaws will be an upgrade from Thees. hard to get any worse than Joey T., but I just can’t get with Tony K. if ESPN wants one of their lackeys on MNF why not hire Mike Golic, when he talks about football he actually knows what he is talking about.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
That’s fantastic news. We Theisman haters haven’t seen a moment this sweet since Letterman unveiled the Joe Theismann Pencil Sharpener, where the crank was his shattered lower leg.
Jaws will be an improvement, and hopefully make Tony K. a bit better.
But yeah, we could do without the special guest appearances by Jamie Foxx and Tony Danza. It’s Monday Night Football, not a Very Special Episode of “Blossom.”
March 26th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
why not hire Mike Golic, when he talks about football he actually knows what he is talking about.
From one Notre Dame dumbass to another. It’s not that the the commentary was nauseating enough, but now we would have to hear about the fat fuck’s eating habits and his constant suckling of Brady Quinn’s teat
March 26th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Bring back Broadway Joe. And The Juice.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Helen Keller would be an upgrade over Theisman.
I think Wilbon should be in the booth, with or without Kornheiser.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
devang, yes Golic is an ND hack and we would run the risk of listening to him bring up ND and the eating habits. All that aside he does know football. Maybe he could be forced to wear a shock collar that would go off everytime he mentioned ND or eating ?
hell bring back “dandy” don meredith.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
how about mel kiper? He can talk about “great motor” and “high football iq” all game.
Just me? okay sorry
March 26th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I just hope they don’t get rid of A-listers like Christian Slater from stopping by. If I hadn’t known what the status of the straight to DVD release of Gleaming the Cube 2 was then I wouldn’t have had a good NFL season.
By the way, before anyone thinks I was bashing it, Gleaming the Cube defined my childhood and should be in every hall of fame regardless of relevance.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
let’s not forget ashton kutcher, jim belushi, and ben stiller all making appearences during MNF last season. Those Hollywood celebrity types add so much to the broadcasts.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Belushi, especially. Thank God the talented one lived.
March 26th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Jaws will be good, but if they don’t ditch the guests and rein in Kornheiser’s tangents, it’ll still suck.
I couldn’t agree more. We don’t need guest appearances during a god damned football game. The reason why we watch is to see some football…and hot cheerleaders, but I digress. And Korny’s gotta know when to open an big can of shut the fuck up from time to time.
Hey if Gus Johnson brings as much passion to calling football as he does calling NCAA basketball games, I say GIMME A HELL YEAH!!!!
March 26th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Get rid of all of them and put Betty White and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog in the booth.
March 26th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
YES!!!
Thank you Jesus.
March 26th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
if we’re making over the whole booth (which sorely needs it), how about Pam Ward and Mike Gottlieb? Pam rocks!
WV: bftpk (sounds like a peter king thing)
March 26th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Greg- It’s Polin and don’t ever forget about Nigel!
March 26th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
I love Nigel.
March 26th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
ack…POLLIN…now i’ve done it.
kill me.
March 26th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
What, Terri Schiavo was not available for MNF? She’d be a step up from JT and when she’d have an opinion; it would be something worthwhile to hear – not necessarily understand, but to hear……
March 26th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Actually Unsilent, I’ll always know him as Andy Polley…
As for Nigel, sure – I enjoy fake British accents as much as the next person.
Any room for Junion on the broadcast?
March 26th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Andy Polley Andy Polley Andy Polley is the worst suck up hanger-on in the history of radio.
March 26th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
how bout just erin andrews. and she does not speak. they just cut to the booth and she stands there smiling.
oh and greatest (worst) theisman moment ever was in the preaseason first game with new booth. I will try to quote exactly
Game (as in what happened). bledsoe throws a fade to glenn who makes a great catch and keeps his feet in.
announcing.
theisman” bledsoe.”
dead silence for 10 seconds
tk “uh joe you can continue.”
theisman ” bledsoe no but glenn catch bledsoe 2 touchdown throw nice feet and kcik good glenn but catch.”
March 26th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
*
“The only thing that would have made this sweeter is if they had Lawrence Taylor break the news to him.”
oh, snaaaap!!!
i bet theismann still wets himself every time somebody walks up on him from the blind side…
*
March 26th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
i bet michael lewis does also… in a different way.
March 26th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
MNF should be covered by Richard Pryor, Charles Barkley, Paula Abdul, and Mr. Bean, in a small booth. With sideline reports from that guy from Star Trek Deep Space 9 with the big ears.
March 26th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
If you are going to go through the effort of replacing Theisman at least clean house and get rid of Kronheiser. Nobody west od Baltimore can stand that guy but then again the East Coast dictates the 4 letter network’s direction.
March 27th, 2007 at 8:38 am
Can we please bring Howard Cosell back now?
March 27th, 2007 at 10:12 am
We should have a rotating group of analysts, to include Dandy Don, Alex Karras, Fred the Hammer Williamson, Fran Tarkenton, and the one constant analyst, the Juice, he would be a killer.