Congratulations, Arseblog. You are a sports blog that follows a single team in the English Premier League, and also the hands-down winner of the 2007 Bloggie Award for Best Sports Blog. You often post as many as one times a day. Recent ledes have included:
March 5th: “…there’s rather a dearth of news this morning.”
March 11th: “A very quiet Sunday morning for you. Not much happening…”
March 12th: “…As you can see there’s very little going on in the world of Arsenal this morning.”
Holy shit that’s riveting. I can’t believe we got nominated to share the stage with such esteemed company.
Obviously, the Bloggies are dead to us. Unlike the Weblog Awards, which were an obvious farce, the Bloggies are masked in a veil of legitimacy, which makes this straight-faced joke of a Shakespeare in Love selection even more insulting. Personally, I think this is Deadspin’s fault. That gadfly upstart Leitch totally split the Kissing Suzy Kolber vote.
There’s good news, though. After three months of sequestered deliberation, the KSK Gay Mafia has emerged from our secret headquarters high in the Andes, and we’re pleased to announce that the winner of the first annual Kissing Suzy Kolber Blog of the Year for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence is none other than…
[drumroll]
…KISSING SUZY KOLBER!!!
“Oh wow. Oh my God. I… I had no idea. I thought With Leather had a chance to win the Kissing Suzy Kolber Blog of the Year for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, but this means so much more.
“Ummm. Umm. Wow. Who to thank? Whoooooooo to thank. My parents, for believing I could establish the best politically incorrect/profane humor sports blog on the Internet. Desiree at Cheetah’s and of course Ruby at Gold Rush. My agent, Byrd Leavell, who’s been great about sending me the absolute cleanest call girls, even when I call him coked out of my mind at 3:00 a.m. on a Wednesday morning.
“But mostly, I have to thank the other writers at KSK who make this site so great. Christmas Ape, Monday Morning Punter, flubby, and that tiny black man, Unsilent Majority. They’re just the funniest and foulest Internet friends a man can have.
“Holy crap! Wait wait wait! I can’t believe I forgot such an important part of the puzzle. The person who made so many of the jokes come alive and live on across the Internet: Footsteps Falco. God rest his soul.
“Finally, fuck Arsenal. I couldn’t be happier they shat the bed on their way out of the Carling Cup, Champions League, and FA Cup. I’m not even sorry Thierry Henry’s out for the rest of the season. Nyah, Nyah. Suck it, Gooners.”
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Big Daddy Drew, if that isnt the most pedophilic name i have read… 90 minutes to watch 30 seconds of action? much like your sexcapades. no?
i have no problem with you staying away from “soccer.” in fact, you can keep your “football” and those wonderful moments of patting other men on the ass and bumping guts with beer swill tickling your mustachioed nostrils. “football” is homoeroticism for homophobic fat asses.
now go bend over, i think your quarterback needs to get on your back. hut hut hut.
up the arseblog!
Otto,
Not only have I played football for most of my life, but i currently work for an NFL team.
So please, the lecture on the NFL is not needed.
Nick-
Who tricked you into joining the war in Iraq?
The only word I can think of in a reply to this is: Brilliant!
Isn’t that what people over in Jolly Old Engalnd say? All I know of the English is from those really funny Guinness commercials that annoy the piss out of me during PTI. And also several rewatches of Bend It Like Beckham.
Not really. I am not that petarded. Other than fearing for my life while in North London for a Yids and Gooners game, I really liked the UK. Met some really cool people (not one Nigel or Emma) and attempted sobriety for 6-months when I got back here.
Hey, hey, hey, lay off the Brits here. Remember, they saved our butts in WWIII. Even if they’re talking on and on about some foreign and exotic sport.
Soc-cer, is it?
Who won the (Revolutionary) War?
———–
Left you lot to your own devices,a nd then sent the Oiirish Gingers and Scots to you. (just joking)
Who tipped the balance of power in The Great War?
———–
ANZAC and other Allies? That’s right, it was an Allied effort, and US suffered the least casualties of the Big Four. Most of the Aemrican contribution was economic, but nevertheless crtical.
Who tipped the balance of power in WWII?
———–
Russia?
Who tricked you into joining the war in Iraq?
———–
You’re proud of that? Anyway, convicing Bush’s bitch (Blair) to go to war is not an achivement.
Why all this nonsense? Oh, wait, you said you’re drunk, I get it…
That Miller Lite is tough stuff, innit?
NYTOL
[Slurred,drunken voice]
Who won the (Revolutionary) War?
Who tipped the balance of power in The Great War?
Who tipped the balance of power in WWII?
Who tricked you into joining the war in Iraq?
Yes, but C4 is shit. Especially their sports.
Finally, we agree on something. Well, this and the hatred of the Fox network.
Yes, but C4 is shit. Especially their sports.
err.. I think the aforementioned peace deal may be some way off.
eradj – if you’re going to slag off my team and hallowed ground, at least get my name right.
Night peeps – it’s bedtime for English girls that need to get up early. It’s been fun.
1st. Re. ads, I meant that many people watch the Super Bowl to watch the ads. Which is sad.
Fair enough. But that stems from the fact that the Super Bowl has essentially become a national holiday, and non-sportsfans have no choice but to get sucked into it and find something to watch. Blaming the sport for its own popularity is an odd gambit.
2nd.Want a reason why saaaaker will never be “Big” in the US? Broadcasting companies like ESPN and Fox Sport (spits) would rather carry a sport which allows regular breaks in play so they can plug advertisments, rather than a sport which has three ad breaks per match.
Don’t you ever say another bad word about television again. Do you hear me?!
I think we’ve figured out your real complaint — it’s not American football vs. British football, it’s American TV vs. British TV. That’s a losing proposition for you, friend, and you know it. Aside from Little Britain, all you’ve got is a system so depressingly uninspired that “Channel 4″ is considered the rebel for breaking free of the “BBC, BBC2, BBC3″ sequence.
Jamie,
The Grove has a shit atmosphere. In fact, the only one sector – Red Action, sing all match long. Our away fans are the ones who are trully passionate.
Ottoman,
1st. Re. ads, I meant that many people watch the Super Bowl to watch the ads. Which is sad.
2nd.Want a reason why saaaaker will never be “Big” in the US? Broadcasting companies like ESPN and Fox Sport (spits) would rather carry a sport which allows regular breaks in play so they can plug advertisments, rather than a sport which has three ad breaks per match.
Goodnight.
Actually know what you are talking about before you completely bash another sport and country for that matter.
This is the line that forced me to read your post twice. I was convinced you were slagging the soccer hooligans whose insight of American football has led them to argue that (1) all NFL players are simultaneously steroid-driven muscle goons *and* flabby fat bastards, (2) that because the game involves actual coaching that goes beyond sitting on a bench in an Armani suit, scowling through $600 sunglasses, it’s somehow less intelligent, and (3) that TV ads between segments of play are somehow more offensive than “FLY EMIRATES” plastered on the players’ actual jerseys.
Take your own advice and learn something about American football before you mouth off about it. And while you’re at it, learn some fucking manners.
Is that you, Clint?
Save the lectures about soccer, James. I bought my plasma screen just for the Cup and watch EPL all the time. Sounds like there are plenty of other fans here too.
This started when a tongue-in-cheek post mocking Arseblog — in similar tones to the usual mocking of this site’s big brother, Deadspin, might I add — led to an invasion of Arseblog regulars who apparently had their sense of humor confiscated at Customs.
I love both games. And I usually love fans of both games too. Just not the humor-crippled sore winners we’ve had here today.
…don’t forget the magic sponge.
I love how all of you retards don’t remember the fact that the World Cup was watched by millions and millions of people in the UNITED STATES.
So thinking that the US doesn’t care about soccer is just stupid. Using the MLS as an example shows that you know nothing about the structure of the leagues and the fact that the better soccer players in the US and in the world want to go overseas and play in HISTORIC leagues like the Premiership, Serie A, Bundesliga, La Liga, etc.
This takes away all of the talent and the MLS is left with shit.
Actually know what you are talking about before you completely bash another sport and country for that matter.
People wonder why everyone in the world fucking hates the United States. KSK being sore losers is a prime example.
Soccer/football/grass diving/whatever you want to call it fans, and Gooners, if you’re going to use alternate names for our football, at least use the good one. Helmet ball isn’t funny. Armoured Wankball, on the other hand, is acceptable.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I just heard someone outside of my office trip and fall. I’ll know said individual is a soccer player if he/she is rolling around in ‘agony’ until I apply the magic spray.
awful chief – I think between us we may be able to broker a peace deal between these warring factions! Also, I no longer need an excuse to drink before noon on weekends – in fact watching AVFC while intoxicated is recommended for the sake of one’s own sanity.
eradj – I’m well aware that Villa Park is a mausoleum. Can you blame us? Since Randy Lerner took us over, we’ve done nothing during the transfer window – we have absolutely nothing to sing about. So when you lot start up with “Shall we sing a song for you?” please feel free – we’ve lost our voices. God, I’m depressed – line ‘em up, barman….
The beginning of this was like a really funny, cross-posting flame-war from the old(er) Usenet days. Then it just got hilarious (up to ’1 for 11′) and, finally, laughing like the first time I ate mushrooms, in the end. Thank you, KSK!
I like Spurs because I like Jews (and Robbie Keane).
As for the visiting hooligans, last I checked, Chelski and Manchester United were still handing Arsenal their asses on a plate.
—————————–
Actually, we’ve arseraped Man USA twice this year. Only English team to do so, too. Our U-18s just beat them today also. So fuck off.
And Chelski have beaten us once – we sent our Youth team to play them, and still played better, according to most pundits.
To the Villan Julien. Shit match, wasn’t it? Still, didn’t know the home fans showed up till second half.
And helmetball is only tactically superior because it HAS to be – the “coach” has to have every move planned out because, evidently, the players are too thick to figure out hat to do on their own.
Night, you lovely Yank cuntishes (a term of endearment, usually,F.Y.I.)
I’m with you, Janie. Both sports are great and being a fan of the EPL in the US gives you another good reason to start your drinking before noon on Saturday and Sunday.
Hey, where did Clint go?
Well, now look what you’ve all done. We were just having some fun, and then someone took it too far, and now Clint’s gone. He’s probably at home, crying. I’m sure he’s weeping like a little girl who has stubbed her toe. He’s crying into a giant plush teddy bear, that came with a valentine he got from Bruce. He’s crying so hard he’s probably staining the “Mommy’s Bestest Little Boy” T-shirt he’s been wearing for the last 20 years.
I hope you’re all proud of yourself.
Ok, ok, we get it – you all hate English sports. Not everyone here likes them either – I hate cricket only marginally less than I hate bloody fucking Arsenal right now because they just beat us at home (contrary to my earlier optimism.) And you’re right – football (soccer) can be really boring, but when a good game comes along, it generally rewards your patience.
I have to admit though that (American) football is a fantastic, exciting game and tactically far superior.
otto man – +1
I thought about it, but that comment was better placed by a guy. Thanks!
I’m afraid my congenital dislike of cricket has been temporarily crushed by a video clip CC posted over at With Leather. It was an instructional cricket video featuring bikini-clad babes.
Now every time I think about cricket, my pants start chafing me.
vanilla +1
Totally agree. 5 days of BS that means nothing when the team getting beat plays for a DRAW, thus nullifying all records from the previous 5 days.
See England vs. West Indies in 2004. But can anyone understand most of what’s written here?
Can we please get back to insulting the Bloody Limey’s and forget about Clint. That was much more fun.
Someone should bring up Cricket and what a lame ass sport that is. Those wankers are saying 3 hours of baseball is bad how about a 5 DAY CRICKET MATCH in which one side retires, and both sides uniforms are white pants from the GAP and a matching Abercrombie sweater!
cinnamon girl: it’s fine so long as it isn’t my money, drugs, or gerbil.
Otto Man: +10, but damn, I wish I wasn’t so late that I missed the original Clint comments.
Go Spurs! Berbatov > Henry
awful chief – if he goes to the gay bars to tell gay people how much he doesn’t care for butt sex, then he does it and orgasms twice.
Clint,
Please explain your incessant commentary and visitation to a site that you seem to now hate everything about and hates you back even more. Do you also enjoy going into gay bars to tell gay people how much you don’t care for butt sex? Do you like to hang out in predominantly black neighborhoods talking to residents about how black people are inferior to you? Probably not. Why? You are a big unsanitary pussy with hurt feelings for being scorned for your racism and stupidity by every author and commenter at this site. Whatever pride you have left keeps you coming back to piss us off, knowing that you cannot get physically hurt. I’m guessing your fiance will become quite familiar with this behavior from you after she files for divorce.
I’m no arsenal fan but i do commend their fans and their bloggers. now please, take clint with you.
Thanks. Something about Clint just brings out my A-game.
well played again, sir.
I thought Clint had shoved his head up his ass. That’s a baby skunk?
the last unitard – better than an actual baby.
A baby skunk? That’s fucking sick, Clint.
Clint sells Amway products to child mostesting evangelical pussy baskets.
He just about admitted as much on his very own blog before he deleted all of his racist rants and subsequent retorts from angry bloggers so his site wouldn’t be shut down.
And I’m sure he’s got baby skunk in his arse right now.
100. Cunterrific.
otto man – well played.
otto man – and then double posts.
Hey, some boys tend to stutter around the objects of their affection.
signal to noise: don’t waste coke on a gerbil, or clint.
Unitard: I vote for coked-up gerbil.
As for the visiting hooligans, last I checked, Chelski and Manchester United were still handing Arsenal their asses on a plate.
Or, if I get to pick, porcupine!
the last unitard – okay, I’ll play. It could be even bigger, right? Opossum?
Let’s play a game of Guess What Crawled up Clint’s Ass and Died!
Ok, I’ll start.
Umm… gotta be something that burrows… hmm… Is it a Burrow Owl?
otto man – and then double posts.
I like how Clint shows up here every three minutes to announce how little he cares for this site.
mike – taking it to that next level creeps me out. now I have to try and get that image out of my mind! hopefully, no one will ever know.
Hey Clint Evans, hell of a baseball season senior year at Ohio Wesleyan: 11 ABs, 1 hit.
Leave us alone, douchebag! For that matter, quit terrorizing every message board you appear on, no matter how many times they ban you!
Followed up by something about, lemme guess, whacking off.
I sure hope so. I enjoyed hearing about the adventures of little Rick.
Anyone else think this comments section is going to end badly?
I’d be surprised if he knew how to do the word.
hehehehe, “Dude, he said, ‘do’, he heh he heh”
I’m surprised he knows the word
I’d be surprised if he knew how to do the word.
I’m surprised he knows the word.
Tomorrows KSK “Hilarious” non award winning post:
Cunnilingis! Cunni-ling-us! Cunni-ling-IS! to the tune of “Hallelujah” and then they’ll throw in a picture of Warren Sapp so it remains “Football Content”.
Followed up by something about, lemme guess, whacking off.
“We’re going to twat Arsenal tonight.”
There’s a chance I may never use an actual verb again.
Oh, and my word verification is aptly jliynut. That sounds British.
Clint is not amused, Devang.
as my mom used to say, “Let’s just all play the ignoring game!” Stop encouraging him.
He He.. “Arse Gunners”. Describes the lot.
Did you see how clever I was!! Did you!! Did you!!
“Bye Bye miss American pie, drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. Good’ol boys drinking whiskey and rye, singin’ this’ll be the day that I DIE.”
Wow, just wow.
I’m almost too scared to post here today with all this hostility, but as a female limey fan of both your football and mine, and in the spirit of peace and reconciliation can I just say……
..can’t we all just get along?
Also…UP THE VILLA! We’re going to twat Arsenal tonight.
Sorry you lost out KSK – you’re the dog’s – I fully intend to only have my tea and crumpets while wearing a Sex Cannon t-shirt from now on.
I don’t think Clint’s humanitarian efforts should be ignored and discounted so easily. After all, he’s making great strides in trying to give AIDS back to the monkeys. Good show.
yvivwgz: The Fresh Prince often asks himself this very question.
“Bye Bye miss American pie, drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. Good’ol boys drinking whiskey and rye, singin’ this’ll be the day that I DIE.”
Get the hint redneck.
Fuck awards. Who needs ‘em? Self-congratulatory pieces of virtual garbage. KSK is a fine site and doesn’t need the Weblogs, Bloggies, Blogaramas or any other pseudo-stroke acknowledgements to validate its existence.
If awards really meant something, and there was a just God in this universe, the Oscar shows would have been discussing “seven-time Academy Award winner” Martin Scorsese.
I don’t if banning is the answer. I’m laughing my ass off. But I think it’s the kind of laughter that comes with watching someone who thinks they know karate.
Sorry if I’m encouraging.
Clintishes.
Clint-
How do you have time to make $100,000 a year selling cell phones when you are writing awful blog posts and commenting in places where people wish you would disappear?
Give Clint a break, you guys.. he’s obviously angling for an award of his own.
Therefore I nominate Clint for the Kissing Suzy Kolber Commenter of the Year Award for Oustanding Achievement in the Field of Buggery.
Now go on up there and give us a speech, lil buddy. You’ve earned it.
Clint, this is the last time we’re going to tell you. FUCK OFF! We don’t want you here.
Oh yeah, I’ll leave, cause you said so and all buckwheat.
Actually, clint, that was me. I find your incessant stupidity so useless and grating I am actively trying to find ways to ban you. Alas, for now, I will have to simply you hope you get the hint and that everyone else ignores you.
Uh-oh. King shit has spoken. The mighty one. Fhack you… used to think your stuff was funny. Now it’s just kind of like a like pulling a string on a doll that says 3 short sentences. Time for you to get a new “Schtick”, asswipe. Learn to make adjustments and quit your bitching about not winning a blog trophy. Maybe if you spend some time with “Mrs. Drew” who I’m sure is a fine one indeed, you won’t have to make so many ‘hilarious’ posts about whacking off, you tool.
If you ignore me, why would you want me banned? Ditch the blogging and go back to warcraft, asswipe.
I can’t believe CUNT and I agree about soccer. Someone kill me now before I go around burning crosses and beating up homeless people for fun.
Clint, this is the last time we’re going to tell you. FUCK OFF! We don’t want you here.
“I don’t want to be in your jerk circle.” OK, well step the fuck off already you shit packin’ dick snot. Can one of you Arseblog guys take him away and do the Braveheart torture scene on him puh-leeeeze?
Anyway, to squash the whole, who’s the best blog debate.
KSK = humor and good ol’ redblooded American Foozball.
Arseblog = don’t know much about it, but they sure do love their team so that’s OK with me. But you’ve got to admit that it’s hard to see the players under all of those gratuitous ads.
“Guys”, “Fags”, “Fuck”, “Jerk-circle”, “Dick”, “Fits right in”.
That’s alot of gay.
I see the site IT (UM) ditched the 3 minute attempt at using “Haloscan” as the commenting device.
Actually, clint, that was me. I find your incessant stupidity so useless and grating I am actively trying to find ways to ban you. Alas, for now, I will have to simply you hope you get the hint and that everyone else ignores you.
Clint you are the ONLY one with any sense of humor. Now can you please FUCK OFF, you nattering nabob of negativity?
clint says “Fuck off, I don’t wanna be in your jerk circle” and then promptly posts two more times.