NFL Scouting Bukkake: The Combine Part 2
Today we’re thrilled to welcome back our exclusive Combine scout, the re-animated River Phoenix
This blogging thing is out of control man (seriously though, what the fuck did you guys do to Wil Wheaton? I told him Star Trek was a bad idea). I just told some guy what I was doing here and he told me that my old friend Flea was blogging for the NBA. Apparently everybody that was there when I died went mainstream. Bastards…
The only experience less thrilling than watching defensive backs running 40’s was playing a gay pseudo-Falstaff opposite Keanu Reeves. Why isn’t he dead yet?… The two safeties everybody clamored to see were Laron Landry and Reggie Nelson. Landry ran a 4.32 to Nelson’s 4.53 (Deion thinks the dreads were worth .1, and you people say he went clean). Nelson gained hasty revenge when he beat Landry unconscious with a pylon–good to see him get his swagger back… Former Terp Josh Wilson led his group with a 4.35. Rich Eisen just said, “that’s one fast turtle!” HAHAHAHA! Please put me back in the ground now…
These guys sure make funny noises when they run. I think Brandon Meriweather just ejaculated at the finish line–that’s gotta slow you down a step or two… Damien Hughes ran a 4.7-something 40 and his vertical test made him look like a white guy. A little bit of advice young man, whenever I had a bad audition I wasn’t afraid to suck the occasional cock. I saw that look in Vinny Cerrato’s freaky eyes…
Sabby Piscetelli reminds me of a young Marky Mark (now I know he’s dead, right?)… Aaron Ross was trained for the 40 by his world record holding girlfriend. He just ran a 4.45 before the testicles fell out of his shorts… If I had lived I’m convinced I could have become Governor of California by now… I fucked Helen Mirren on the set of Mosquito Coast. Just sayin’…
Thanks River! Check back later for a combine wrap-up from our esteemed scout..
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Tags: Combine, Drugs are bad, Scouting Bukkake, The Undead, Unsilent Majority
February 28th, 2007 at 10:18 am
It belongs in a museum!
February 28th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Star Trek fucking rules, dude.
February 28th, 2007 at 11:19 am
and i just posted something on ksk that was supposed to be on deadspin, whatever same difference.
By the way I’m not sure if anyone else heard this but this morning during MIke and Mike peter king was doing his swirly move on brady quinn.
February 28th, 2007 at 11:48 am
Our server runs on the blood of our enemies.
and Star Trek is gay
February 28th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
You couldn’t have said any better, Unsilent.
Unless you’re referring to Star Trek: The Next Generation. Then we’ll have to agree to disagree. Who wouldn’t want a little lovin’ from Counsellor Troi?
February 28th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
I Found Free PlayBoy Girls, you need view this.
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http://www.girlsupdates.com/gateway.php
February 28th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ can’t we block this ad shit!
And Enterprise was the best Trek. It wasn’t nearly as geeky. And if you dont think Jolene Blalock is hot then you’re friggin’ gay!
February 28th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
FYI:
William Richert played the gay pseudo Flastaff in My Own Private Idaho. You could say that Phoniex played a gay pseudo Poins, the friend of Hal who helps him rob Falstaff in Henry IV.
February 28th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
1st, Star Trek is HOMO.
2nd, I hope that Alex Winters oultives Keanu Reeves to dance on his grave. Strange things afoot indeed.
February 28th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
FUCK! Stupid Gus Van Sandt
February 28th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Any discussion of Gus Van Sant begins and ends with Drugstore Cowboy. Any movie with William Burroughs in it portraying a junkie priest is cool in my book.
February 28th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
i’m gay for moleman
February 28th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
Moleman says, “Drinking has ruined my life. I’m 31 years old”.
That sounds like me - except I’m 32.
March 1st, 2007 at 12:03 am
Three Words…
Jeri Fuckin’ Ryan.
That’s all boys.
March 1st, 2007 at 12:06 am
If wanting to bang Seven of Nine is gay, then I’m one flaming homo.
March 1st, 2007 at 1:13 am
Come on nerds, let’s focus on Sabby Piscitelli. He’ll soon be dating Tom Brady’s leftovers.
March 1st, 2007 at 11:44 am
If River knows what’s going on at the combine, how does he not know who is dead or alive in the rest of the world? Just sayin’.
March 1st, 2007 at 12:11 pm
he was re-animated for the combine, he’s yet to see anything of the outside world.
i know it’s complex, try to keep up.
March 1st, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Ahh, I see. I just thought maybe you gave him Sunday off from the combine to go to the Oscars and maybe do some speedballs with Marky Mark someplace. Nice to see you guys get top effort out of the undead.
March 11th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
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March 15th, 2007 at 1:00 am
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