Prop Bets: The Last Refuge of the Stupid and Drunk
Welcome to a special mid-week edition of Always Be Covering. For some people the Super Bowl is more than a game between two teams they don’t care about. For them it’s more than an unofficial holiday, for them it’s an opportunity to gamble away their great-grandmother’s collection of 19th century anal beads. We are those people–our grandma rules.
Let’s take a look at a couple of the more unique Super Bowl props along with some I’d like to see (you can always play along at home, all you need is something to bet on and two willing participants–or one willing participant and an unconscious guy with cash sticking out of his pocket).
Yeah, this should go well.
This is the one prop bet that’s caught everyone‘s attention, much to the delight Bodog.com. Face it, the only way to tolerate Billy Joel is to stare at a clock screaming “Shoe money tonight!” When it comes to wagering there are three possible outcomes:
1. The old bastard puts his own touch on the anthem but keeps it to a reasonable 90 seconds.
2. He’s so fucking hammered by the time his cue arrives (sometime around 10:30 pm) that he starts singing mumbling Movin’ Out halfway through. He finishes up a few minutes later.
3. He has a handshake agreement to finish in
Props I’d rather see…
a. Number of times I refer to Peyton as the “Uptown Girl”: 1.5
b. Number of times I refer to Peyton as “That Bitch”: 673.5
Peyton Manning hates those overrated bitches, you don’t even know. One time they were backstage with Kenny Chesney and they told him he had fat thighs and a pitchy voice. When Kenny came home crying to Peyton it was apparent that their romantic weekend was ruined. It was then that Peyton swore revenge on triad the of rugmunchers. There will be no mercy.
Props I’d rather see…
a. Who will have more: Peyton Manning’s audibles vs. Drew’ bowel movements
b. Who will have more: CBS’ sideline reports vs. Ape’s beers
All things considered, those odds suck balls. Still, I might lay down the $5 minimum just in case. Imagine somebody retelling the story of Prince’s epic fall at the Super Bowl, now imagine chiming in with “yeah, I made five large off of that.” Admit it, that would be the highlight of your sad little life.
Props I’d rather see…
a. Prince’s dick will slip and fall out of his pants: +2500
b. The Sex Cannon will impregnate Prince: +10000
Let’s hear your prop bets in the comment section.
Tags: Uncategorized
January 30th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
b. Prince will be orally serviced on-stage by Janet Jackson: : +25000
c. Prince will be orally serviced on-stage by The Sex Cannon: +100
January 30th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Who will have more: CC getting slapped at Penthouse Party vs. Mr. Irrelevant getting slapped at Media Party.
Who will have more: lbs. of weed smoked by UM vs. lbs. of nachos eaten by BDD.
WV: ibphohea - I be for hey
January 30th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Sexy Rexy errant throwgasms: 5
Times Mushin Muhammed drops a pass because he was facing Mecca: 3
Times Ricky Williams tries to sneak on field wearing a Cedric Benson jersey: 4
January 30th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Which will we see more of:
Colts throwing at Tillman
or
Camera shots on the Manning Family
January 30th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Props I’d rather see…
a. Number of times I refer to Peyton as the “Uptown Girl”: 1.5
b. Number of times I refer to Peyton as “That Bitch”: 673.5
I’ll take the over on both, UM.
January 30th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Number of times I refer to Peyton as “That Bitch”: 673.5.
You mean that fetus-headed bitch
January 30th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Which will be higher:
Paternity claims against Rextacy after his visit to South Beach
or
Video montages of Peyton Manning as a child crying like a little bitch during one of Archie’s “voluntary” football games in the back yard shown during pre-game festivities
January 30th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
We’ll have to wait a while to see how this one pans out, but it will be worth it.
The number of babies born in Dade County in October 2007 with creepy drawn-on-seeming eyelashes.
I’m putting it at 2500.
January 30th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Which will happen first: Urlacher hits Peyton so hard that condom Kenny “lost” is finally forced out or Freeney hits the Sex Cannon so hard the eyebrows grow back.
January 30th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Number of rubbers the Sex Cannon brings to South Beach: 0.5
I’m taking the under, Rexy doesn’t use condoms.
January 30th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Kenny Chesney replacing Jeff Saturday: 5000
January 30th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Will there be more:
Snaps by the Saturday Knight in Colts first offensive possession
OR
Spins by Dwight Freeney in Colts first defensive possession
January 30th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
You mean that fetus-headed bitch
No, you mean that meatus-headed bitch.
January 30th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
times Jim Nantz says how great it would be if Peyton won the Super Bowl: over/under 65
January 30th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
- Number of times KSK commenters that will use “Sex Cannon” in a post between now and 2:30 pm Sunday: Over/Under - 550
- Number of lame Christy Brinkley jokes made simultaneously at Super Bowl parties in the first 5 seconds after Billy Joel is introduced: Over/Under - 3,452,739 (or 3,452,738 if I’m taking a leak at that point).
- Number that Rex will still trail Prince by in the “Most Ridiculously Hot Chicks Bagged in a Lifetime” category, even if he nails 400 in the next 5 days: Over/Under 1,000
January 30th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
–Tank Johnson goes Last Boyscout and pulls out a Desert Eagle during a fumble return: +750
–Number of people he shoots during the return: Over/Under 3
–White keyboard player from The Revolution shows up in his OR scrubs and wraparound shades: +500
–Number of commercials Peyton Manning films during halftime: Over/Under 12
–Shots of Eli Manning watching his brother: Over/Under 3,250
–Eli is filmed snickering when his brother throws and interception or gets sacked: +900
January 30th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Prince says: “Fuck the halftime show, I’m making pancakes!”
January 30th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
Number of skanks trying to be caught on camera and become the next “fuck da eagles” girl: Over/Under 500
Number of those skanks Rexy cannonizes: Over/Under 499
January 30th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Tank Johnson goes Last Boyscout and pulls out a Desert Eagle during a fumble return: +750
Now that’s freakin’ hilarious. I could absolutely see that happening.
Likelihood of Thomas Jones or Cedric Benson getting knocked out of the game by “How’s it goin’” Bob Sanders. +500
+1 to anyone who can remember the reference to Bob’s nickname.
January 30th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Number of times I watch this video
http://www.eveningservice.com/Video
Over/Under 600
January 30th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
hadesgigas, that was pretty fuckin’ hilarious. Whacky bastard.
January 30th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
hadesgigas, that was awesome.
List of Gay Bands, FTW!!!
January 30th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
That was hilarious. Anyone know if it’s “real”?
January 30th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
FYI, if you were to bet 5 bux on Prince falling at +1000, your winnings would be 50 dollars…Unless by “five large,” you meant five 10 dollar bills.
January 31st, 2007 at 12:00 am
yeah i fucked up both ways. I thought it was 1,000-1, I wrote it as 10-1, and it’s actually 100-1.
so to clarify it would be 5 to win 500.
January 31st, 2007 at 10:19 am
looks like the sex cannon is getting some love somwhere thanks to this awesome blog - check out these SB props!
As its the cannon think i might take the over on all of them!!
http://www.paddypower.com/bet?action=go_type&category=SPORTS&disp_cat_id=2&ev_class_id=17&ev_type_id=7897
January 31st, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Which will occur more:
‘85 Bears References
or
GEICO Commercials with that annoying ass British lizard
Predominant color of Prince’s outfit:
Pink 3/1
Purple 5/1
Teal 10/1
Puce 25/1
Odds that he’ll wear a suit with variations of the Sex cannon’s image randomly sewn all over it -
6/1
January 31st, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Hey that lizard is Australian. And he’s got nothing on the Budweiser lizards. Now THOSE were super bowl commericals.
over-under field goals Vinatieri misses because the Sex Cannon is railing his girlfriend on the sidelines: 3