Welcome to the WEEK 17 edition of Always Be Covering. Once again I’ll be taking a look at a sampling of the games that catch my interest for no reason in particular. Today we examine the last final week of the NFL’s regular season and as you can tell by the title of this post, I’m a bit emotional high. So this week each game we spotlight will be accompanied by an appropriate lyric from the greatest depressing song of all time (feel free to tell me I’m wrong about that in the comment section, I’m sure you just love Alice In Chains type shit you fucking loser).

Disclaimer
Only gamble money you can afford to lose…because you’re probably going to lose. Compared to the NFL Jim Morrison’s death makes perfect sense.

I’m posting this picture because it makes them look gay…especially Eli, who is apparently sporting a semen drenched Hitler-stache.

Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother…I want to…fuck you
Washington +3 vs. New York Giants
Hmmm…that Eli Manning sure is confused these days, the natural progression should lead him to a nasty Oedipal complex. We already knew of his incestuous fantasies involving Peyton (see above) but this would be the coup de grace. Granted I don’t bet on the Redskins, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. Watching them ruin the Giants season will almost make up for all the bad stuff.

Is this a young Jim Morrison or one of Bobby Bowden’s recruits?


Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill
Rams -3 @ Minnesota
This lyric goes out to The Lou’s most fearsome player on and off the field, Leonard Little. Regardless of whether you are a quarterback or a a woman out driving he’s the last guy you’d want coming from the blindside. Seeing as how Morrison attended Florida State and Minnesota just benched Brad Johnson, I’d say this one’s a lock.

The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and we’ll do the rest
Seattle +3.5 @ Tampa Bay
All the Seahawks have to do is show up to cover this spread. They have enough veterans to know they can’t keep playing like a bunch of retarded 12 year-olds (keep your panties on Siobhan) if they are going to do anything once the playoffs start. Besides, Jon Gruden has a long history of losing out to Mike Holmgren starting way back at the buffet lines in Green Bay.

“I shit bigger than you”

The blue bus is callin’ us
The blue bus is callin’ us
Driver, where you takin’ us?

San Diego -13.5 vs. Arizona
Lorenzo Neal is the baddest motherfucker to ever play fullback. If you don’t bet on him he’ll probably take a shit on your mother’s chest just to assert his dominance. San Diego has to win this one to lock up home field advantage all the way through the playoffs. The only way they can blow this is if Marty Schottenheimer remembers that he’s a fascist fuckwad with a propensity to pussy out when it matters (i.e. two weeks from now).

That’s it for the regular season, but I’ll be back for the playoffs. Feel free to offer up your own ill-fated prognostications in the comment section.