The Colts’ D, who haven’t stopped the run all year, stopped the run. They shut us the fuck down. Depressing, especially since it’s the first Bengals game I’ve had the chance to watch since we were beat down by New England. Everyone has been recycling Miami Hurricanes jokes from the 1990s making jokes about how none of our players can stay out of trouble. I say, just like every other fan of his/her team would say when trouble strikes, “As long as we’re winning, it’s all good.” This isn’t a Pampered Chef party.

Someone needs to break it down to Bengals HNIC Marvin Lewis. Marv, my man, what is the point of benching your best DB in a game against Peyton Manning? Yeah, The Rogg called you up. Fuck that guy. HE isn’t trying to make the playoffs. Deltha got arrested, fine, but you still gotta play him (do I get time of work when I get arrested?), especially when:
a) His assignment is one of the premeire receivers in the league, and
b) His replacement is white.

You’re gonna play a white DB against Peyton Manning? Hey, that’s great. And while you’re in such a opportunistic mood, why not double your fun and play some Jews and Chinamen? Does anybody even say “Chinamen” anymore? No? Fuck it, I’m bringing “Chinamen” back. Them other fuckers don’t know how to act. Wang, let me make up for all the things you lack. Somethin somethin.

Oh, and we finally found out where Merton Hanks’ neck vertebrae went after all these years; they’re lodged up his ass.

It was reported during the Monday Night game that Hanks, the spastic 49ers defensive back turned gestapho league uniform inspector got a load of the new shoes that Chad Johnson was busting out for the Indy game that Hanks FINED HIM DURING WARM-UPS for wearing the shoes, and then THREATENED TO PULL HIM FROM THE GAME unless he changedn them. Ocho Cinco relented. So, not only is Hanks a puddle of imperialistic cocksnot, Merton Hanks also seems to be Chad Johnson’s mom.

But this incident was just a microcosm of the general-unwelcomeness/skullfucking that the Bengals received on MNF last night. It was brutal, especially now that locking up that playoff berth will take at least another week. I liken this game to opening the big box under the Christmas tree, only to find a bunch of pants and shit. Who the fuck wants pants?