The KSK NFL Halloween Costume Bukkake
You’re stuck in your office right now, and chances are the only person who dressed up for Halloween is that one fat broad in accounting. She probably also brought in candy, ostensibly for the office, but really so she can gorge herself.
A quick note on Halloween candy. The following candy is acceptable at Halloween: Reese’s, M&M’s, Snickers, Kit Kat and Twix. Give out anything else and you deserve to have your house egged and shit on. Three Musketeers and Milky Way are just subpar versions of Snickers. Hershey’s Miniatures suck because you have to dig for Krackels and Special Darks. Mounds, Almond Joy and Nestle Crunch are all right. But really, those first five candy bars are what everyone really wants. So get you ass to CVS a week early next year if you don’t have these. Don’t fuck around.
Anyway, time to play a little game. Since Deadspin has been infected with “the gay” today, it’s now our job to give you a little commenting fun. It’s the KSK NFL Halloween Costume Bukkake! Just think of a good costume for the NFL personality of your choice and list it below. Some suggestions:
Mike Nolan: The Fuhrer
Shawne Merriman: Sammy Sosa
Troy Polamalu: Rae Dawn Chong
Donovan McNabb: Stan Marsh
Nick Harper: Steve Irwin
Will Leitch: poorly dressed Ferris Bueller
Alex Balk: Jeff Garcia
Daunte Culpepper: An actual football player
Peyton Manning: Eric “Stumpy Joe” Childs
Terrell Owens: A heterosexual
Drew Rosenhaus: Fagin
Suzy Kolber: A man
Grady Jackson: Gilbert Brown
Gregg Easterbrook: Mel Gibson
Bill Simmons: Bish
Leonard Little: Ted Kennedy
You get the idea. Best ideas will be included in the update. Enjoy!
Tags: Uncategorized
October 31st, 2006 at 1:15 pm
Unsilent Majority: Larry David
October 31st, 2006 at 1:21 pm
Bill Cowher: Jay Leno
October 31st, 2006 at 1:22 pm
Mark Brunell: Halloween is sacrilegious. No costume.
October 31st, 2006 at 1:24 pm
berman:grimace
October 31st, 2006 at 1:32 pm
Michael Irvin: Mushmouth
October 31st, 2006 at 1:33 pm
Joselio Hanson: A gasoline pump
October 31st, 2006 at 1:35 pm
Madden: Jabba the Hut
October 31st, 2006 at 1:35 pm
Matt Leinart: a concerned and active father figure
October 31st, 2006 at 1:37 pm
suss- that’s amazing, but i have the hair of a god
October 31st, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Placido Polanco: A bag of potatoes
October 31st, 2006 at 1:39 pm
Unsilent, so you’re not a
BALD ASSHOLE
October 31st, 2006 at 1:39 pm
Bill Parcells: Pamela Anderson
October 31st, 2006 at 1:40 pm
Ben Roethlisberger: Chunk from the Goonies (http://static.flickr.com/59/179070776_d0e6e92bd5_o.jpg)
Joe Theisman: Mark Schlereth
Michael Irvin: Jesse Jackson
Mark Clayton: Professor from the Muppets (http://www.mouseinfo.com/california-adventure/hollywood/attractions/muppets/2001muppetph9.jpg)
Sean Salsbury: Beaker (see above)
Michael Strahan: New pre-game anchor on Fox (can’t find a pic or a name)
Brad Johnson: Aron Ralston (http://www.ullstein-buchverlage.de/media/0000012289.jpg)
Drew Bledsoe: Bristlecone Pine (http://www.nps.gov/archive/grba/graphics/JPGS/bristleconebig.jpg)
David Carr: Andrew Walter
Andrew Walter: David Carr
October 31st, 2006 at 1:41 pm
Deadspin Commenter: Fucking Running Dinosaur
October 31st, 2006 at 1:42 pm
Denny Green: A football coach
October 31st, 2006 at 1:42 pm
Gawker: Turdfurter
October 31st, 2006 at 1:42 pm
Peter Angelos: Steaming pile of maggot-covered dog shit
October 31st, 2006 at 1:49 pm
Chad Johnson : Grace Jones
October 31st, 2006 at 1:49 pm
Warren Moon: Norman Smiley
October 31st, 2006 at 1:51 pm
Mario Williams: Reggie Bush
October 31st, 2006 at 1:57 pm
Matt Leinart: A Condom
October 31st, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Chris Simms plus guys whose initials are tattooed on his leg: Charlie’s Angels
October 31st, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Big Jim, that’s pronounced “es-my-LAY”
October 31st, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Stephen A. Smith: A LIBRARIAN!
October 31st, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Joey Harrington: Matt Saracen
October 31st, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Fred Smoot: Darth Maul
October 31st, 2006 at 2:19 pm
Mike Shanahan: Templeton from Charlotte’s Web.
October 31st, 2006 at 2:26 pm
Really? A Charlotte’s Web reference? Okay sure.
One question: I thought this site was the sanctuary to Deadspin’s gayness today?
October 31st, 2006 at 2:39 pm
The Barber Twins: The Smothers Brothers
Joe Buck: Dean Wormer
October 31st, 2006 at 2:40 pm
Art Shell: The Blob
October 31st, 2006 at 2:44 pm
Terrence Kiel: DJ Screw.
Randy Moss: Animal (continuing any muppet theme)
Clinton Portis: himself.
Donovan McNabb: T.O.
Edgerrin James: An NFL running back.
October 31st, 2006 at 2:48 pm
Bill Belicheck-A bong
October 31st, 2006 at 2:49 pm
Peyton Manning: Renee Zellweger
October 31st, 2006 at 2:51 pm
Chad Johnson: Ruby Rhod
October 31st, 2006 at 2:58 pm
Fine. Its not really gay.
But there are only two valid reasons for quoting Charlotte’s Web: 1) you are 8 years old and are reading it for the first time 2) you are a parent of an 8 year old who is reading it for the first time
October 31st, 2006 at 3:06 pm
I didn’t quote it, but point taken.
October 31st, 2006 at 3:13 pm
That being said, when I was 8 years old – I loved that book.
October 31st, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Dennis Green: a crown
TO: a giant penis
Matt Leinart: a condom
Tom Brady: Matt Damon
Brian Urlacher: a herpes breakout
October 31st, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Buzzsaw: The Bengals four years ago
Dennis Green and his neck fat: Quatto from Total Recall
Amare Stoudamire: Chris Webber or Penny Hardaway
Barbaro: Elmer’s Glue
October 31st, 2006 at 4:31 pm
Randy Moss – Geronimo
October 31st, 2006 at 4:40 pm
John Clayton – Jimmy from South Park
Kyle Orton – Matt Leinart
October 31st, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Joe Buck: a dildo that shoots life-like jizz
Tim McCarver: towel/umbrella
October 31st, 2006 at 4:44 pm
Brian Urlacher: Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance
October 31st, 2006 at 4:58 pm
Michael Cooper : Super Sperm Man
October 31st, 2006 at 5:02 pm
*Biff
October 31st, 2006 at 5:19 pm
Michael Kay : George Steinbrenner’s rectum with a pair of legs hanging out (sorry for the baseball reference)
Al Davis : Skeletor
Chris Simms: He-Man (Strictly for the homoeroticsm, not for the heroism)
October 31st, 2006 at 5:58 pm
Chris Henry: R. Kelly
October 31st, 2006 at 6:06 pm
Tirico, Theeeeezman, and Kornhieser : The Three Stooges
Ted Washington: A neutron Star that grew so big it collapsed into a black hole
Brad Johnson: Baby New Year
Skip Bayless: Satan
October 31st, 2006 at 6:57 pm
Chris Simms & Kyle Shanahan = Ace & Gary, the Ambiguously Gay Duo
Bill Parcells’ fupa = Charlie Weiss’ fupa
Will Leitch = Boston Legal-era James Spader
October 31st, 2006 at 7:45 pm
Ben Roethlisberger = Mummy
(This may be a better idea for Halloween next year, when Big Ben’s body will already been fully wrapped in gauze.)
October 31st, 2006 at 9:09 pm
I have no costume ideas to contribute, but I just picked up three bixes of BooBerry from the grocery store. I love Halloween.
October 31st, 2006 at 9:10 pm
Mike Cooper: Carl Monday
He’ll hide in real Carl’s shrubs all day. Just waiting. Waiting for him to slip up. Is he looking at that little girl in the cat costume funny? He is, isn’t he? I’ve got you now, Monday.
October 31st, 2006 at 10:25 pm
Art Shell: a statue
October 31st, 2006 at 11:41 pm
Charles Rogers: Michael Westbrook
Shawne Merriman: Lyle Alzado
Hines Ward: Kim Jong Il
Peyton Manning: Alex Balk
Matt Millen : a flaming pile of shit (not a costume idea, more of an observation)
November 1st, 2006 at 9:50 am
David Carr = Ryan Leaf
Micheal Irvin = Pookie from New Jack City
Joe Theisman = Gaping Flesh Wound
Mike Tirico = Band aid that wont cover the flesh wound.
Culpepper = Invisible Man
Shawn Alexander = A guy that ruins my fantasy football season
‘06 Bears = ‘85 Bears
November 1st, 2006 at 4:14 pm
Donovan McNabb = Steamin’ Willie Beamon
Eli Manning = Peyton Manning
Eric Mangini = Peter Griffin
Romeo Crennel = Denny Green
Shawne Merriman = Barry Bonds
October 30th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
TONY ROMO : RON MEXICO
Eli Manning : Terry Bradshaw
OJ Simpson : OJ with giant neo-nazi attached to his back, welcoming him to prison
John Daly : Charles Barkley
Charles Barkley : John Daly