You’re stuck in your office right now, and chances are the only person who dressed up for Halloween is that one fat broad in accounting. She probably also brought in candy, ostensibly for the office, but really so she can gorge herself.

A quick note on Halloween candy. The following candy is acceptable at Halloween: Reese’s, M&M’s, Snickers, Kit Kat and Twix. Give out anything else and you deserve to have your house egged and shit on. Three Musketeers and Milky Way are just subpar versions of Snickers. Hershey’s Miniatures suck because you have to dig for Krackels and Special Darks. Mounds, Almond Joy and Nestle Crunch are all right. But really, those first five candy bars are what everyone really wants. So get you ass to CVS a week early next year if you don’t have these. Don’t fuck around.

Anyway, time to play a little game. Since Deadspin has been infected with “the gay” today, it’s now our job to give you a little commenting fun. It’s the KSK NFL Halloween Costume Bukkake! Just think of a good costume for the NFL personality of your choice and list it below. Some suggestions:

Mike Nolan: The Fuhrer

Shawne Merriman: Sammy Sosa

Troy Polamalu: Rae Dawn Chong

Donovan McNabb: Stan Marsh

Nick Harper: Steve Irwin

Will Leitch: poorly dressed Ferris Bueller

Alex Balk: Jeff Garcia

Daunte Culpepper: An actual football player

Peyton Manning: Eric “Stumpy Joe” Childs

Terrell Owens: A heterosexual

Drew Rosenhaus: Fagin

Suzy Kolber: A man

Grady Jackson: Gilbert Brown

Gregg Easterbrook: Mel Gibson

Bill Simmons: Bish

Leonard Little: Ted Kennedy

You get the idea. Best ideas will be included in the update. Enjoy!