Adding insult to closed-head injury…
Ben Roethlisberger has revealed that after he suffered a concussion in Atlanta Sunday, he was taunted by the Falcons as he lay on the field. When pressed for names and details, Roethlisberger demurred. Nonetheless, the crack staff at KSK Labs has been feverishly reviewing audio of the game and come up with their best guesses at what exactly the Falcons said to Big Ben.
“You just got knocked da fuck out, man!”
“That’s for ruining Christmas Ape’s fantasy football team!”
“Wha’ happened???”
“Fuck Chunky! Dinty Moore, bitch!”
“Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!!!”
“Yeah bitch, now you need ANOTHER appendix transplant!”
“I whole-heartedly deride your gridiron handiwork.”
“This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Larry!”
“I’m Chauncey Davis and I approved this message!!!”
[What? You think you can do better? Give us your best guess in the comments.]
Update: Somone brought to our attention the increasing similarity between Big Ben and Donald “Ogre” Gibb (Revenge of the Nerds, Bloodsport, 1st & Ten). The two are headed toward an inevitable showdown on “Who’s More Grizzled?”
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October 29th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Good luck spelling your last name now, beyotch!
October 29th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
“Tell Cowher we banged his daughters harder than dat!!!”
October 29th, 2006 at 12:46 pm
Take it like a champion!
October 29th, 2006 at 1:59 pm
“I’m Picasso, you’re my canvas, let’s rearrange your face again, bitch!”
October 29th, 2006 at 3:33 pm
Give a message to Troy Aikman for me:
Durhhhh Durhahhh Durhahhah
October 29th, 2006 at 6:00 pm
Good thing you were wearing a helmet bitch.
October 29th, 2006 at 6:02 pm
Did you see THAT Buick, Ben?
October 29th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
“Sorry, Benny Boy, but you STILL didn’t cross the endzone plane.”
October 29th, 2006 at 11:00 pm
“I gave your sister herpes”
October 30th, 2006 at 8:30 am
in honor of the above poster:
Cause the streets is a short stop
Either you slangin’ crack-rock
or you got a wicked jump shot
October 30th, 2006 at 10:28 am
This is a Scrubs quote from Dr. Cox (adjusted a little bit)
You know, Ben, I’ve been thinking about all the times that you’ve manipulated me and toyed with me, and, well, I can’t help but recall that children’s fable about the race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass QB of the Steelers that everybody hates. You see, Ben, the pain-in-the-ass QB of the Steelers that everybody hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him; but right at the end — gosh, I’m sure you remember what happened, Ben — the tortoise tackled clean-through the QB’s body, dragged him to the ground, where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive, right there on the football field. It’s a…disturbing children’s book, Ben, I know, but it’s one that stuck with me, nonetheles.
October 30th, 2006 at 10:44 am
Sorry, we thought you were Charlie Batch.
October 30th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
Don’t you wish someone would answer that damn phone??