In a story rich with comedic gold, Miami Dolphins coach Nick Saban turned down President Bush’s invitation to join him for dinner. Saban gave reporters some bullshit lines about how his decision wasn’t about politics, how he had to focus on coaching his team in training camp, and how he was disappointed he couldn’t enjoy the honor of dining with the president.

Yeah, right. You know Saban just didn’t want to spend the evening nodding politely while the president told him how punting on 4th-and-15 from inside your own ten is a sign of weakness to the enemy, or how male cheerleaders really were integral to football games back in the day. (I kid, of course. We at KSK have no desire to draw the president’s ire — or any political lines, for that matter.)

Defensive end, stabbee, and soon-to-be-divorcé Jason Taylor also declined an invitation, citing the equally suspect excuse of “team meeting.”

So who went in Saban’s and Taylor’s stead? Well, Dan Marino, for starters. He’s a first-ballot Hall of Famer. Oh, and Jim Kiick, Nick Buoniconti, and Jim Mandich — all members of the undefeated 1972 Dolphins. Um, okay. That makes sense, in a “The president is in Miami and doesn’t like hearing about losing” sort of way. But then, according to the World Wide Leader in Sports Entertainment, “Among the other guests were actor Andy Garcia and Univision host Mario Kreutzberger, known as Don Francisco.” Huh? Nevermind for a second that Univision has an Italian-German Jew masquerading as a Hispanic guy — who didn’t get invited to this party? Was Charo not available? Where was the Dude during all of this?

Anyway, Kiick seemed to revel in the glow of the Leader of the Free World. “It was a pretty wild feeling to know you’re having dinner with the most powerful person in the most powerful country. Usually it costs you $20,000 to get close to the president.” Wait, $20,000? How does he know that? Is that what it takes to buy off a Secret Service agent, or is that what political fundraisers cost these days? I’m so out of the loop.

Kiick added that he didn’t quite understand Saban’s motivation. “I find it hard to imagine turning down the president,” he said. Well, guess what, Jimbo? Some of us have more to do every year than crack open a bottle of champagne when the Colts rest their starters. Monday Morning Punter would have posted a page of your Outlook calendar, but all it had on it was “Talk about going undefeated three and a half decades ago.” You know, just because Don Shula wasn’t photographed with Richard Nixon during Operation Linebacker doesn’t mean you have to get all salty about somebody with an actual job passing on dinner with a former owner of the Texas Rangers.


Unlike Kiick, we at KSK support Saban’s decision. Regardless of one’s political leanings, dinner with the president is always an honor, and to rebuff the most powerful man in the world in order to dedicate more time to Joey Harrington… well, that is a coach who deserves a contract extension.

Oh, and Nick? Save those receipts — you’ve got about two years of IRS audits coming your way.