Stand Aside and Gape; Here Comes the Ruckus
This here website is Kissing Suzy Kolber. The posse here — Big Daddy Drew, Captain Caveman, Footsteps Falco, Monday Morning Punter, and Unsilent Majority — is dedicated to kicking ass and making NFL-related jokes.
That’s the long and short of it. There will be no analysis. Any mention of statistics to prove that a certain team is “better” than another will be countered with stats like this: 98% of assholes use stats to make a pointless argument. The only thing that we offer is the funny. Bring the funny or get the fuck out, that’s our motto. Or at least it might be. It hasn’t been ratified yet.
“Kissing Suzy Kolber.” It feels good on your tongue, does it not?
Coming soon: What teams will be funny in 2006? KSK previews all 31 pro teams, plus the Texans.
At last our long national unfunny dream is over. Good morning, bitches. It’s time to wake up and laugh at the NFL.
Tags: Uncategorized
June 28th, 2006 at 1:19 pm
Oh, and you won’t find any of us lurking in the comment section. Because pumping up your own comment count is totally gay. Just like Terrell Owens.
June 28th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
Hey fack you buddy.
June 28th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
Sweet fancy moses, am I excited.
June 28th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
Considering CC’s attitude about the homeless, would you have advocated euthanizing the Saints last year?
Looking forward to some fun in the NoFunLeague.
June 28th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
“I couldn’t care less about the team struggling.”
June 28th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
WOW, the Deadspin all-star commenter cast came together. You definitely have a reader here.
June 28th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
Is big daddy drew saying TO and Jeff Garcia got it on in SF? Makes a kind of sense I suppose. Appealing to the local demographic and what-not. Woof woof.
The Raiders meanwhile fry them gay-folks on an an open-air spit before each game. Allegedly.
June 28th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
Alright. Finally a place to get the inside info for my fantasy team.
June 28th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
A Deadspin spinoff? Lets hope its better than “AfterMASH.”
rsr26
June 28th, 2006 at 4:01 pm
it’s like joanie loves chachi..
June 28th, 2006 at 4:01 pm
Good name! Ad Guy Who Names Things For A Living approved.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:06 pm
You’re with me, new favorite NFL blog.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:06 pm
No masthead photo of drunk Joe Namath?
June 28th, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Does it mean I’m not human if I can’t even get through that Kolber/Namath video without shutting it off?
Good luck with the site (from a random Deadspin reader).
June 28th, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Clearly you guys are too cool to be messing around down here with us plebes….especially those of us who can only admire your witty deadspin banter sans invite.
I expect similar quality here. Keep it up.
I’m also willing to bet that at least 2 posters did web searches for “bad TV spinoffs” to come up with comments.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:09 pm
I have a feeling this will be better than the Michael Richards Show.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
This is like when Launchpad left Duckberg to work with Darkwing Duck. Only the awesomeness is multiplied by 5.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Your welcome chiswede
June 28th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
I dunno if this site is applicable for the bad spin-off comparison. It’s more of a Curb Your Enthusiasm thing, behind-the-scenes guys going out on their own.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:14 pm
sorry, three posters.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
totally freaking psyched for this. I’ve been lurking in the deadspin comments for a year now and could not be more pleased to have something else to make me laugh out loud in class. bring on the random Eli Manning lap dance sightings.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
I’m still waiting for a blog dedicated strictly to football based on a simulated season of Madden. Injury updates, scores, live blogs, whole nine yards. Can I expect something like this here? I wouldn’t expect anything less.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
No doubt this blog will have the sex appeal of John Clayton.
(Shudder)
Despite that, you’re in my RSS reader now. Don’t let me down.
–Suss
June 28th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
This is not what I am used to.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
So how long till you get mentioned by Billy Simmons?
June 28th, 2006 at 4:20 pm
Sniff. And to think I was there when the idea was first broached on CC’s blog.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:24 pm
Question: Will this in any way impact the quality/quantity of your collective posts on Deadspin? You don’t want to disappoint all of us Deadspin-lurkers, do you? DO YOU?
June 28th, 2006 at 4:24 pm
This is like a spinoff of Entourage, except starring Turtle.
Hey, Yankees fans looooove Entourage, right CC??
June 28th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Dweeze: you are a witness to history. In a way, we owe this blog to an insane Brazilian woman.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Bring it on, guys. This will be good. Granted, it’s 800 degrees in my apartment right now, so I’m not in a real NFL state of mind, but I’ll have my game face on when the time comes.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
oh good. something else to look at when i should be working. i’ll go ahead and book mark you. i just hope you update more than i do on my livejournal.
and before you make fun of me, yes, i concede that i am a 12 year old girl for having a livejournal.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
Please include the videos in your RSS feed….thanks ya!p
June 28th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
dwight, i will not be going anywhere. the fact that you have taken on such a name (and even phrased questions like the man himself) makes me think that you will make an excellent commenter.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:32 pm
Looking forward to this..
June 28th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
Ha! He actually said AfterMASH.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Longtime lurker, first time poster.
Deadspin Wolfpac? Will CC turn on UM & rejoin Deadspin Hollywood for the $? Hopefully, this will have a longer life than that crap did.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:38 pm
Good luck with this thing. I’ve always enjoyed the majority of your collective comments on Deadspin.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Does this make you guys the “JT the Brick” to Will Leitchs Jim Rome?
June 28th, 2006 at 4:44 pm
A spinoff! Deadspin has officially jumped the shark.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:52 pm
Hey, I am just happy to see someone take shots (both passing and parting) at the NFL – the Globex of our sporting universe. Best of luck from a Deadspin comment lurker – I am sure you won’t need it, but I’ll provide it anyways.
June 28th, 2006 at 4:55 pm
Good luck, lads. Even if you didn’t write another post, I’d probably still visit here once a week just to watch that video.
Have fun.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
TO is not gay…he’s just misunderstood and confused.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
You guys are so linked from my blog.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:04 pm
Yes…but can you make Joe Namath sober?
June 28th, 2006 at 5:07 pm
Best of luck to my favorite Deadspin commenters!
CC…Does the invite still stand?
June 28th, 2006 at 5:12 pm
I will be expecting various and sundry Michael Strahan entries very soon. Good luck, gentlemen.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
blaaaaahhhh, I don’t even care about the stats. All I know is I just wanna kiss you right now…
Yaaaaayyyy!!!
June 28th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
Oh boy, am I happy. College football is my drug of choice, but this may actually make me care about the NFL.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:21 pm
So essentially, this will be the commentary B-League (or perhaps more likely, the Local Rec Softball League) for all of us lurkers who are not a) cool or b) savvy enough to get Deadspin invites?
-or to put more simply-
KSK Bloggers = Family Matters to Deadspin’s Perfect Strangeres (i.e. spin-off that’s just as good)
KSK Commenters = Enos LAPD to Deadspin’s Dukes of Hazzard (i.e. not so good)
Also, to CC- Go Seahawks (or Sea-Turkeys as I will always affectionately call them).
June 28th, 2006 at 5:22 pm
I thought you guys were creating a fantasy football league, not a blog. At any rate, this will probably be funnier than a rundown of your draft, anyway.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:29 pm
An NFL blog huh? Am I invited?
June 28th, 2006 at 5:30 pm
Wow. A blog devoted to humor in the NFL that so far has zero humor. Better bring the funny soon.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:34 pm
I actually hail from a major producer and exporter of football-funny. You may know it as Minnesota.
So, I’m excited to read/lurk/JV comment your site.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:41 pm
You’re with me, un-moderated comments section
June 28th, 2006 at 5:47 pm
Can’t wait. Another place for me to go waste away whatever time I have left to waste.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
Not caring is a kind of caring, right?
fridge=wit,class
cumby=logic,dorkisms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag1XFqF2Ky4
June 28th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
As a Texan season ticket holder I’m really looking forward to this – not in a Christmas morning sort of way, but in a first dose of penicillin or Famvir sort of way.
June 28th, 2006 at 6:22 pm
I was going to start a blog called “Boning Linda Cohn” but you guys stole my thunder.
Looking forward to it. I’ll be linking it up on the MSD (where, I pull a lot of T.O.s).
Cheers!
June 28th, 2006 at 6:36 pm
Will there be cheerleaders on this here blog?
June 28th, 2006 at 6:55 pm
okay, i made it across the chasm and clicked on this link. i’m ready for the funny… [checking my watch]
June 28th, 2006 at 7:09 pm
Visiting among your commenters occasionally is not lurking, not gay, not inflating your comment count, it’s polite and engaging and encourages new readers.
Now that that’s out of the way, bring on your 31 pro teams plus the Texans. I’m excited.
June 28th, 2006 at 7:09 pm
So, where are the pics of Suzy Kolber?
June 28th, 2006 at 7:14 pm
“i couldn’t care less about the team straggalling”
June 28th, 2006 at 7:45 pm
Nice! Looking forward to checking this out every 12.7 minutes (i.e. the interval at which I tire of working).
I, too, want to kiss Suzy Kolber.
June 28th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
Congrats and good luck on the new blog as it will offer plenty of original witticisms for me to further waste my day.
And I’ll echo the thoughts of others as this will allow us sans invites to comment.
June 28th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
Good God, what’s that smell? Ohhh, right, a hell of a lot of testosterone. I like it. Yes I do.
June 28th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
You’re with me, B-Team.
Sorry, I’ve just been jealous of deadspin commentors for months now.
June 28th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
I expect wit, literary references and photographic evidence.
Roll on!
June 28th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
Add an RSS feed or something. And don’t let just anyone comment
~my 2 cents
June 28th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
I don’t have to really Kiss Suzy Kolber to read the site, do I?
June 28th, 2006 at 9:01 pm
Stupid Blogger fields.
‘Tis I, TheStarterWife, who does not want to kiss Suzy.
June 28th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
From a longtime Deadspin lurker, I’m looking forward to reading the blog guys.
One more thing, I covet you UM.
June 28th, 2006 at 9:12 pm
god i pray anonymous doesn’t have external genetalia
June 28th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Please, just leave poor J.P. Losman out of all this. Bills fans have suffered enough.
I’ve already bookmarked Deadspin Jr.
June 28th, 2006 at 10:30 pm
I can’t wait for the fun to begin!
June 28th, 2006 at 10:39 pm
we aren’t deadspin, they have “sources” and “editors”
we have punch and pie
June 28th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
nThe puch is spiked though, right?
June 28th, 2006 at 11:05 pm
Good God, what’s that smell? Ohhh, right, a hell of a lot of testosterone.
Siobhan: That’s the smell of desire, m’lady.
June 28th, 2006 at 11:47 pm
AWE-SOME. Saves me some time hitting up Google to find a football blog to read.
June 28th, 2006 at 11:48 pm
I actually signed up to Blogspot so I could make fun of you guys.
Happy hunting!
June 28th, 2006 at 11:55 pm
a blog by the Deadspin all star commenters? sweet
screw you guys i’m going home
June 29th, 2006 at 12:07 am
Big Cluckin Chicken.
-Christ Sabo
June 29th, 2006 at 4:03 am
It’s hilarious to see this video again and again, thank you for making this your name and founding post. Namath speaks with the honesty of a 7th grader who has just imbibed his first three wine coolers.
Good luck guys.
June 29th, 2006 at 4:28 am
Where’s the fucking scotch?
Your pal,
Joe #12
June 29th, 2006 at 8:21 am
struggaling
June 29th, 2006 at 8:41 am
I hope the Black President will be well represented this upcoming year, even though he is in no way affiliated with the Miami police department.
June 29th, 2006 at 8:47 am
bone, we do football ’round here
besides, the prez is busy filling out the paperwork to pardon his teamate.
FREE AWVEE!
June 29th, 2006 at 10:21 am
Mocking the Texans. Not fair. But a great start.
June 29th, 2006 at 12:01 pm
This is just great. Just when I had my daily sports blog consumption at a healthy three, you have to go and start this. I’m completely screwed. Thanks guys, seriously.
June 29th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
I don’t UM.
June 29th, 2006 at 4:02 pm
hooray!
June 29th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Longtime Deadspin lurker – even though baseball is my preferred worktime hoover I look forward to spending my hungover mornings on your blog. Best of luck!
June 29th, 2006 at 5:12 pm
The craziest part of that video clip is that the Jets actually got a first down.
June 29th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Anon: No, the craziest part is the outrageous claim that Pennington is actually any good.
June 29th, 2006 at 6:24 pm
Has anyone fired that Millen fellow yet?
January 2nd, 2007 at 3:42 am
Were we to understand there’d be punch and pie?
January 16th, 2007 at 1:04 am
First post, 101 comments. You guys were finger lickin’ good from the start.
November 12th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
54qv7fx4171yn6b3
January 9th, 2009 at 4:55 am
hi
j4o9wogl4r92dueo
good luck